Ok - I'm a bit confused
I may have missed it but has she been diagnosed with ptsd (by a professional) or are you assuming she has it because she has traumatic events in her past?
Because those are two very different things. PTSD comes with a very specific criteria and diagnosis and it's entirely possible to have a trauma history and not develop ptsd.
Would she be behaving like this if she had ptsd? Possibly
Would that excuse it? Absolutely not.
PTSD doesn't give us the right to treat people like our personal pinatas
Reading your post it looks like she is basically blaming you for all the bad decisions in her life because she is refusing to take responsibility for her choices. That sounds more like immaturity than ptsd.
But even if it was ptsd it's still not acceptable.
Even if it's BPD or narcissism or depression or whatever label you want to put on it ....its' not acceptable.
Right now she has you to blame and her level of manipulation is astounding.
Your choice is if you will take that on
But a bigger question is -- Why do you want someone like this in your life?
I know you love her, but I wonder if its because you want to rescue her? That's pretty common among supporters -- they think they can be the one to "save" us by taking on all our issues. But nope. It doesn't work that way.
The only ones who can fix us are us. And shes made it pretty clear that she has no desire to do that work.
Looking at your other posts about her avoiding you? I have to agree with the others.
It's not avoidance
It's a break up.
Let her go
Because until she fixes her own issues she won't change and there is nothing you can do to help her. She will just continue to blame you for everything she doesn't like about her life
Even if you were part of the initial situation, how she chooses to deal with the aftermath is on her. If her choice (like your aunt's) is to blame others - well, that's her choice
But for you?
You deserve better.
She has been diagnosed with ptsd by her therapist (psychiatrist I believe), idk if she was diagnosed before but from the accident she was diagnosed and when I would go with her to therapy her therapist would bring up her ptsd. Her primary doctor diagnosed her with adjustment disorder after the accident. But my ex runs with PTSD when she talks about the ladt year, so I would assume that. She has been seeing this therapist for about 8 years since she was sexually assaulted with her first relationship. She met me about 2 years after that, and she honestly only talked about it about 3 times and each time she would cry and talk about how its hard for her to trust. Which I took to heart and did everything I could our entire relationship not to break that trust.
If it is immaturity, that would surprise me because she seemingly was very mature. But maybe emotional immaturity? I heard emotional immaturity is not always shown and can come out around negative moments or trauma etc.
I dont know if it was on this forum or another, but someone mentioned she was holding these idealized expectations and when she didnt get her way or her expectations met, then she had to lash out on me. As well as how she is seemingly inexperienced in dating as I was her first serious relationship and she had been sheltered much of her and still to an extent of her life.
Like I feel a part of me did do what I could and had she been more mature as you put it she would have been more understanding. And maybe with time she will see how much I did care and put into our relationship because not every person is like that. Similarly to her idealized expectations, maybe she will realize that as well. I cant say though as nor can anyone but her with time.
Sorry for seperate post here. Couldnt edit my previous to add this.
I just felt like it has been avoidance because she said we could be friends, then a week later said its not working (I messaged her once because she just got accepted to her masters so I congratulated her). Her actions of removing me completely from her life despite telling me we could be friends, just seemed drastic and avoidance as it was a removal to an extreme way.
As well as avoidance of the topic of our abortion, I realize its a tough topic and I would never want to force her to talk about it, but also if there was resentment or blame being held, I felt we should unpack it. But she altogether wanted to sweep it under the rug and hold that blame.