Relationship My ex with CPTSD blamed me for everything, and I am left feeling like I am nothing.

Friday

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She said if I invited them then I would be disrepecting her and her wishes to NOT interact with them. Months later she told me that she felt hurt that I would even argue her on this point. By arguing with her she felt 100% I was choosing my family. I would tell her... I havent even spoken to them since the accident. I then would bring up, is there any chance for compromise or forgiveness? She would say, no she doesnt want anything to do with them.
Then another part of me wonders how someone could both not see any of the support and only point out how I messed up, as well as be unforgiving to the point that after years together
If my exhusband had invited his mother to our home, or taken my son to see her / exposed him (our son) to her in any way, I would have divorced him on the spot. Absolute hard limit, with me. He (my husband) was welcome to spend as much time with her as he wanted, but the woman was not allowed in my home, nor to be around me in any way, nor to have any contact with my son (in person or by phone/email/etc.). Full-stop.

I briefly got dinged for this at court during my divorce... and then the courts agreed with me, and enforced a no-contact series of restraining orders / orders of protection on her and most of the rest of my in laws, with a 2 year jail penalty attached for contempt of court/breaking the orders if my ex facilitated ANY kind of contact with my son until he was 18. In addition to any other charges, that might be levied.

How could I be so heartless as to keep a grandmother from her grandson? Or so cold & uncaring as to create boatloads of family drama year after year, during holidays, etc.? And really not give a f*ck about it?

My ex-mother-in-law sells children to pedophiles.

Hard limits? Can make so much sense even the half braindead courts will agree. (Even if former partners don’t, my ex is still pissed off af me about it). Or they can be utterly ridiculous (yellow socks? Deal breaker) to everyone but the person who has them.

While it can make sense to try and understand another person’s hard limits, at the end of the day, there’s nothing for it but to respect them or not.

Most people? Can understand my hard limit of not allowing my child to be around someone who sells children to be raped. My ex couldn’t understand it. He DID respect it, while we were married.

I’m bringing this up, because you seem pretty durn fixated on trying to make sense of your ex’s hard limit about your family who was involved with her accident.

It doesn’t make sense to you, so it ALSO makes no sense on why the “rest” of it doesn’t balance it out. It doesn’t need to. Because it was a hard limit with her. Fair or unfair, senical or total bullshit, it was a hard limit. Even getting close to it spelled major trouble, and crossing it was verboten/forbidden.

If it makes sense to you that a 7 figure salary, an amazing life in every other regard, and any other number of incredible things (that came along with being married to my ex) are not worth trading my child being raped for? Hard limits CAN make sense to you.

That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. People DO have hard limits of things like “no yellow socks” or “On Tuesdays we’re naked all day” as well as things you probably agree with like “raping children is wrong”.

So whether or not you AGREE with the limit? Or were willing to abide by it? The limit was there.

Disagreeing with the limit? Is a reason to be grateful to be broken up over, rather than minimizing the limit -or attempting to balance it- in the face of all the other good things in the relationship. Because other things? Reeeeeeally don’t matter // Hard limits ERASE the rest of it. Cross the line? Done. Full stop. Whether the hard limit makes sense to you, or not. The exact same way you’d end it if someone else crossed one of your hard limits, regardless of how amazing the rest of the relationship was.
 
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