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Better than earlier. Still a bit low energy and sad - not quite numb though - just a little raw and sleepy.

I'm angry, sad, frustrated, and exhausted. I'm tired. I'm so tired. So, I want to rant about something. Hopefully it'll be cathartic and empty my chest of these feelings in a bit of a round about way. I can't do shit about the main situation I'm upset about right now, so I'll keep going through...

Silly and unproductive

Sleeve of crackers, wine and water

Warm

Laugh

Up again . Anxious about a lot of things so I’m not surprised - it’s an extremely windy night though too so I woke up to the house shaking from the gusts. Weird feeling being on the top floor.

Fast

Dog show, and seeing my friends for a little bingo night.

I made my bed, vacuumed my bedroom, swept the kitchen, cleaned the litter boxes, and finally took off the sheets from the guest bed for cleaning later.

Had a nightmare, it’s 2:40am now. Hopefully I’ll get back to sleep for a bit before I have to leave for work.

anxious, worried, scared and restless. Maybe a little panicked

My parents were young - and they fought. A lot. They never should've gotten together in the first place, but because of the religion they were raised in and because they slept together once - they needed to get married. So my mom, pregnant at 17/18 married my father who was three years older...

I vacuumed the living room and did a few loads of laundry ( and remembered to not leave an extra load in the wash😊)

Kimchi fried rice, wine and water

I haven’t watched that one! Seeing how fast I’m flying through Columbo I’ll add that to my list to check out later. But yeah - love my classic detective shows lol. I’ve been watching it on prime video - but I’m sure it’s available elsewhere if you don’t have that.

kwik trip bagel sandwich and tea with some creamer

I started watching an oldies favorite of mine - Columbo. Somehow it feels more calming than my usual YouTube marathons. Small thing, but it’s the one thing right now that sucks me into a small bit of escapism that doesn’t feel like it’ll make me delusional.

Rainy and weirdly warm (mid 30s F) With a some 12pm wind gusts that make it feel a few degrees colder

A bowl of S’mores cereal lol

I feel satisfied - but now I'm scared to dive into trauma work, because i don't want to lose this lighter mood and focus.

Tidying outside! I think so.

I loved reading these responses - made me think a little. I don't hide my trauma out of an effort to keep it hidden from others, but subconscious or not, I distract myself into never thinking about it. Not in detail anyway. I haven't really forgotten it, but it's kept in random unfrequented...

97 Benz

Took most of the last things of my friends' out of my place and brought it to hers. I bagged up more trash, but I'm waiting to take it out because my town's garbage collection must've gotten skipped for the holidays or something - my neighbor's bins and mine are overflowing right now.