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I cried in elementary school All. The. Time. I had no friends. I was painfully shy and socially awkward. Overweight. By 9th grade, I was smoking weed all day, every day. Very promiscuous. Couldn't say no. By 11th grade, I was anorexic and weighed 90lbs.

My T notices when there are "signs" that I'm going to. For example, I'll start rubbing my forehead. I never even knew I did that. But other times I'll just "leave" with no signs. She'll only then notice if I don't answer questions. What scares me most is when she's saying something and it's...

I'm new, so if I'm out of line, let me know. I'm just trying to understand. What is your gut feeling that it is? I'm curious because lostforgotten is telling you what he/she thinks it could possibly be, but you disagree by saying you have no memories of abuse. I can see it made you anxious, as...

Well, I'd be willing to bet that they (abusers) heard the same if they were abused as children, which actually makes it DOUBLE worse that they'd say that. I'd never ever tell my sons they are "too sensitive" if they came crying to me or I inadvertently hurt their feelings. I hate my parents when...

It absolutely is a gift! It made me a good mother and neighbor and friend... it's our parents, etc that make us feel as though it's a weakness and also to assuage their guilt possibly, like, "I didn't do anything THAT bad, she's just sensitive"...

Thank you

Thanks for your response I know I will find a lot more validation than irl. I can't talk to ANYONE about my past. They either get visibly and superiorly uncomfortable or change the subject. We NEED to talk about it.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply :) I'm positive this will help as I'm always scouring the internet for survivor stories to help validate my feelings, my reactions, my memories. My family barely supports me (emotionally) through this. While no one has denied certain...

Thank you!! I did register the other day, but realized just a little bit ago I posted as a guest. Of course I forgot my password and all that, but I reset it and now it shouldn't say "guest" under my name! I do want to write in the diary. I've written in a journal since I was 12 and truly...

Thank you I feel sad for the people who perpetuate the cycle of abuse, but Im sure they don't set out to do that. Their "wiring" must be different than mine? I'm extremely empathetic and sensitive to others pain, etc, which I think is part of it. I'm very triggered by children crying in stores...

Thank you for the kind words. It IS a long slow slog. But at least I can see progress even when, at times, I FEEL worse

Thank you~ yes, I do accept My therapist doesn't like for me to search and research as much as I do but as many times as I get triggered, there are more times I find others whose stories, behaviors and thoughts that are similar to mine. For instance, it's my initial instinct to not believe my...