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Thank you for the clarification @RussH. I think I am confused because it seems to me that "Value" is something we DO. So to say that something has value is to say that someone values it. "Intrinsic" value seems kind of like a conceptual mistake - about diamonds or gold. If people didn't...

I am thinking hard about this. On the one hand, I am not quite sure what "intrinsic value" on this view would be. COULD be. I am thinking hard about what I mean by Value (for professional reasons.) I hope to have something sensible to say soon... Well, obviously not. Since it is apparently NOT...

I think it is a Blue/Not Blue issue for you. Are you thinking of motherhood as all or nothing? You have lots of options. From the one end - change your number, don't give out your address, don't contact them - to the other end - show up on their doorstep and throw yourself on their mercy...

The roads could be paved with these: And maybe we could have parts of town with different noise profiles - that increased gradually, with the presumption that less is better than more. And signs... Noise is pretty predictable. Mt. Shasta, CA is apparently kind of like this... Here is the...

You can come to my house and hang out while the robot vac and mowers do their thing. A neighbor kid can keep an ear out in case they get stuck and right them so they can finish!

Discipline (correction) is always within the child's control. If the child doesn't know why they are being punished, and/or cannot control whether s/he does the thing that elicits punishment then it is not discipline, it is simply abuse. Violent physical abuse is traumatic. Even if you are...

Waterfalls, and a floating river... I think we should have those too.... :-)

In case you need this. You are allowed to cut them off. You can make it a trial period - six months, a year of no contact - and then re-evaluate if you like. You raised your children. They are adults. They are making choices that make them toxic for you. You do not need to lay down your life on...

I don't know the answers here. But ((((((((((shimmerz))))))))))). I hope your sons come around. Get on with your life. Set and enforce good boundaries. Be yourself. That's the best anyone can do.

YES, Lexi and I saw Inside Out - and it is Ekman! Basic emotions! His all have facial expressions ( and they didn't use his whole set). I like Panksepp better, as you know. But YES. The importance of sadness is really nicely illustrated. Core memories and short and long term... the fact that...

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!:D:hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::eek: I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that. What in the name of pete is wrong with the people who do mental health? Also, it is much easier to listen if you are clear that listening is what is in order. I bet your mindfulness...

What are you doing when you are not sleeping? Maybe those bits know there is a deadline?

You are doing such awesome awesome work! Wow.... This is just random - or not - whatever -two things occur to me. The first is what a wonderful model of friendship and community this forum is for me. We do what @shimmerz said in her diary - about asking for help and then being ok with getting...

A very appropriate song for you, on your birthday this year. Sorry I am a bit late to the party! Link Removed

Not by a long short. I have ADD, and am as structurally dissociated as my H - although neither of us have been officially diagnosed with SD. I think it is pretty common...

What is this? And how do I find out how to do it?

Dear Hope, I have been down the writing/hyperfocus rabbit hole for a while. I am catching up. For the record: I love you with or without hair. In fact, I appear to love you entirely disembodied! I am sure I would love you in any incarnation you showed up in. I am sorry your mother is such a...

Way to go, Ms. Spock!!!! Every accomplishment builds more capacity, and puts you in a more stable place for the future. Practicing being in the present ... is so so so important and valuable. Congratulations on a really great day!

There is a link to the thread "We become what our parents want us to be C-Ptsd" below on my page here... It is on this too! And if you search for "Childhood emotional neglect" there are some threads on that too! I could have written those exact words. My mother was not overtly abusive, and I...

This. I need THIS now. With my H. I know his scripts. I recognize them right off. Maybe this is the "pattern interrupt" I can use, more to get me disengaged than him at this point but still.... I seem to have missed a bunch of posts in this thread originally. Interesting... Gappy...

Hang in there, Ms. Spock. Keep checking that thinking...

Um. Ms. Spock. Producing school work IS working. Really. I'm glad you are getting perspective on the cognitive distortions. It is SO important to get a good accurate working model of the world and especially you in it.

Specifically, if you show up for a job interview or to rent a house and are white, well dressed, male, and qualified the people doing the hire will reliably look at you and see a potential hire.If you show up and are all those things and black - the people doing the hiring will reliably write...

This is a nice (short) crystal clear example of how the dynamic can work to advantage some, and disadvantage others (gender figures in here too...) And it doesn't need sound.:) The insidious thing with all these degrees of bias (super set of distinctions @joeylittle) is that they skew our...

You are a third culture kid, too! That makes sense... I grew up in Saudi...and as one of the two non-jewish kids in my elementary school in the states. So I have a strange perspective as well. On those implicit bias tests? I come out slightly biased in a positive way to people with darker...