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Wow, I'm so sorry!! It sounds like honestly you were in an abusive relationship which can definitely leave you feel anxious and all kinds of horrible <3. Are you getting any kind of support? Do you have a trauma therapist, someone who specialises in a proven trauma modality, like EMDR? I suggest...

Honey, it's not your fault, you've had years and years of conditioning that told you you weren't worth anything and so it will understandably take some time for these new ideas to take hold and sink into your mind. It's sadly funny that we can be making good progress, but that even in those...

Yeah, sure. You just have to be careful that free time doesn't turn into ruminating, something like volunteering can be good. I like part-time as it just lessens the stress and the load and I don't need a lot of money anyway, so I'm happy with less.

By the way, I read something inspiring in the book I'm reading on happiness and meditation. The author was talking about a Buddhist monk who had been a religious prisoner and had been through severe abuse by his captors and torturers for over 20 years, yet he was one of the most joyful and...

Hi guys, I'm just coming to update you all. Today really I was so happy, it was like the feeling of being in love and I was sitting with a calm, peaceful smile on my face as I rode the tram around my city. Lots of little things just bring me joy, I just feel like I'm really enjoying life; it's a...

(No Mud, No Lotus Flower) :)

@Bliss, I love your flower too :D!

Loved your post @whiteraven! That is so cool that you have a zen practitioner as a therapist :)! I so relate to what you are saying about breaking down crying in meditation; both in metta and in mindfulness, sometimes I don't realise how much sadness there is in me until I meditate; but it's so...

Wow Bliss, that's incredible - you have been practicing for ages!! That is awesome and awesome that you had the the time to dedicate to your practice as you travelled, hopefully you get back into the groove of it again :). I love this practice :)!

Yes, this is what I mean :). I find the longer you do it, the more into focus things become. I was listening to a talk by Pema Chodron the other day, and she was saying how all the horrible catastrophes of what you are come into focus, but you experience it in a joyful way; it sounds like a...

Thanks Freedom Fighter :).

Thanks guys, talking to you has helped so much - it's like a warm balm for how I'm feeling. Thank you for sharing what you've been through **hugs** to you all. I was a bit hungover yesterday, which always makes me emotional but I told myself I'm not going to apologise for this post :) and it...

Thanks Bliss, I love your post :). I think I'm at least going to try to speak to someone, it will kill me to go through with it, but i have to try and be as brave and strong as possible and to fuel myself in that direction for as long as possible - i don't think that means I will get all the way...

Exactly :). I would so do it if I felt like there was a point and talking to people about it just leaves me feel hopeless and like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think honestly with people who have been assaulted once, that is so incredibly brave and painful but I think that they...

Thank you so much Gia! You are saying EXACTLY what I'm thinking, the fact is I would love to take him to court but based on the scenario I know it is pretty much a hopeless case in court... and I know about how trials tetraumatise victims, I would find it so shattering and painful and I feel...

Thanks for sharing Bliss that helps :) <3. They mean well, most of them, it's just they can't possibly understand - I suppose I would say similarly if I hadn't been through it, so I try to understand but it still stresses me out.

Thank you Bliss ^_^. Though these are just friends and family members with no experience or understanding. I've studied the CJS and rape cases on trial so feel like that's why I feel pretty hopeless and doomy... that's a good idea though :). I just feel very powerless and it's very frustrating...

Being a victim of this shit is the loneliest experience in the world, I hate talking to anyone who hasn't been through it because they can't understand and everything they say just kills me "you'd look at someone differently if they said they'd been assaulted, not that it would be there fault"...

My relationship included sexual assault, as well as emotional abuse, a violent threat and instances where he shoved and shook me. I feel so stressed and pressured like I need to take him to court about the assault - but I feel hopeless and helpless like there is no point, I want to do it but I...

Hey, guys!! Would be cool to update each other on how our practice is going :). I've been meditating for two-three years now, on and off - but fairly regularly for the past year. Something I noticed more recently, is that I'm a lot more aware of all my reactions - it like puts the negative under...

I'm with you guys on medication (though it can be right for some people - just not me :)). Van der Kolk says in The Body Keeps the Score that after bringing in mindfulness and yoga into his treatment, he found that most of his patients didn't have to go on medications anymore. I go to my...

Here is a guided metta @Berlinda :) http://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LKM_cleaned.mp3

Thanks Joey, I'm impressed by how much she grounds her ideas in research and science. I have my assessment for EMDR this week, I'm looking forward to it and looking forward to hopefully leaving behind my limiting self-beliefs and relationship issues.

Thank you :)! I think for me though, sadly, just loving me feels like pressure. And they can't help but want to love me, but sadly it just won't work and that's sad for everyone. But I don't know how to communicate it, especially to my ex-boyfriend/kind of still keeping in touch romantically. I...

Hmm Jen, I'm sorry that these are your experiences with men. I'm quite lucky in that I seem to find myself around men who have some level of maturity or kindness and compassion. And I still don't want a relationship. The thing is is that it's not about them, it's about me - it's too hard and...