Dom Violence Anyone Tried To Take Their Abuser To Court?

[Muted]

Each case is different and some are virtually impossible to prove. You have to weigh things out and decide whether or not it's worth it based on a number of different factors. You are the priority and whatever you need to best heal in your particular situation. You have the answer to that within you.

 

[heyheyhey]

But, sometimes you have to cut your losses and walk away. In an ongoing situation where you have been v...

Thank you so much Gia! You are saying EXACTLY what I'm thinking, the fact is I would love to take him to court but based on the scenario I know it is pretty much a hopeless case in court... and I know about how trials tetraumatise victims, I would find it so shattering and painful and I feel like, would I put myself through that when there's no point? I feel very hopeless and frustrated because I feel like there is this weight and pressure on me to try, I don't want other people to get hurt but I feel powerless and it's like people don't see that - I would love more than anything to stop him but i feel like I can't because the process is so shit and pointless. I feel like so alone and like my heart is just underneath a massive bolder. it's so hard.

 

[heyheyhey]

Thanks for the post. heyheyhey going to court over sexual assault having ptsd would be a very hard thin...

Exactly :). I would so do it if I felt like there was a point and talking to people about it just leaves me feel hopeless and like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think honestly with people who have been assaulted once, that is so incredibly brave and painful but I think that they haven't been repeatedly overwhelmed and systematically undermined, they probably have a good support system in place and come from a healthy supportive family - I don't think this is the case with most people who have been in abusibe relationships, as I think most of us come from crappy homes to begin with and have been subject to repeated trauma and undermining and overwhelm and aren't very likely to have a healthy support system in place - i think this makes me feel like the whole court thing would be much too hard for little protection or justice, that sucks - but i feel like it's not really 100% on me because as you guys were saying, it's like you have to survive and look after yourself because more abusive and shit could just make you crack and then if you crack and it doesn't get you anywhere...I wish I were strong enough and I wish the CJS was better.

 

[heyheyhey]

Apology, I am learning this forum stuff I have good intentions, but I did not see the title "has anyone t...

Thanks Bliss, I love your post :). I think I'm at least going to try to speak to someone, it will kill me to go through with it, but i have to try and be as brave and strong as possible and to fuel myself in that direction for as long as possible - i don't think that means I will get all the way there, but I will at least try and at least discuss it with someone who understands DV.

Yes, 100% see I am so aware of what a messy, foggy situation it is and I don't think this case has a chance in hell honestly; especially as I can't even specifically remember when it happened, it's very muddled in my mind - I just don't think it would stand up in court. The thing that makes me lean towards it, is if other people come forward then that way a case might build up and we can protect other women from him...seems idealistic to me though lol.

 

[heyheyhey]

Thanks guys, talking to you has helped so much - it's like a warm balm for how I'm feeling. Thank you for sharing what you've been through **hugs** to you all.

I was a bit hungover yesterday, which always makes me emotional but I told myself I'm not going to apologise for this post :) and it really helped to get it out and share it with you all, you understand so well. I'm sorry that you can, but it makes all the difference to have people to speak to who get it.

 

[heyheyhey]

Yes, that is one danger that you will be retraumatized. That is such a difficult issue and every...

Thanks Freedom Fighter :).

 

[Bliss]

Hey! Hehe I think posting difficult things like this is something to be proud of, it is not easy, I post stuff and then question myself, but if it is moving us along, good for us I think attempting to create a paper trial is one really valid reason to continue investigating your options legally. I finally realized it seems like all the court cares about is pieces of paper, almost didn't matter what was on them or who they were from, so I started collecting as much paper as I could, if u talk to a DV counslor that creates paper, can always ask for a copy of notes, legal aid same, your thearipist, police awesome! That way if or when it happens to someone else more chance of his name coming up. I agree on the DV relationship creating long term muddle ness I have had one instance traumas too, like finding a boyfriend dead and of course it was terrible and hard, but it was much more straightforward, different then the long term stuff.

 

[Muted]

I think honestly with people who have been assaulted once, that is so incredibly brave and painful but I think that they haven't been repeatedly overwhelmed and systematically undermined, they probably have a good support system in place and come from a healthy supportive family - I don't think this is the case with most people who have been in abusibe relationships, as I think most of us come from crappy homes to begin with and have been subject to repeated trauma and undermining and overwhelm and aren't very likely to have a healthy support system in place

This may be true many times, but this isn't always the case.

 

[FireSign8]

Going to court in the US is comparable to a dog & pony show. If either fails to appear, it makes it a worthless experience for the people involved who usually just want to use the courtroom to advance their own careers & rarely do any of them truly give a shit about us, "victims"! I tried on several occasions to prosecute & it left me feeling more victimized when all was said & done & it was basically a waste of time in my case. You have to do what you feel is the right thing to do for your own safety & piece of mind. Karma always catches up with these abusers. The best thing to do might be to make sure this guy cannot get back into the country to hurt you again by seeing if you can have his Visa or passport revoked.

 

[Sarah726]

My relationship included sexual assault, as well as emotional abuse, a violent threat and instances w...

Hello, well in my case what Happened is that a stranger called 911 and he was incarcerated from that... I might get subpoenaed to appear at a hearing but do not believe I'm capable of doing that emotionally wise it's way way too traumatic and I'm already very fragile, only two weeks ago I hit rock bottom and went suicidal... at least for now that urge has past but I'm still not out of the woods by any stretch and I feel like going to court would break me down mentally... I also feel like if I were stronger to begin with and could handle it that testifying could be very empowering and have heard people say that... but it's always with the warning that you never know for sure what an attorney might throw at you or how the judge might rule etc ... seems really risky to me... I'm not very knowledgeable at all on the law but have you found out if you could after the fact take him to court? I thought a district attorney has to decide to file charges and it's not something you can just kind of request but again I'm no attorney, just going off the little I was told... another way you could empower yourself or heal some is write him a letter, how he affected you etc and don't expect anything back is the key, you can just do it to say how his actions impacted you...

 

[Muted]

The whole system is confusing with so many laws etc... in my experience by the time you can start working through it enough to make a clear minded decision, it's way too late. It's like the more they can victimize and cause the maximum damage, the more likely they are to get away with it all.