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Thanks Helen! I honestly don't know how I got there so fast either, from that point a few weeks ago. It was my T who has been really instrumental in my being able to do it though. Without her, there's just no way I would have thought I could ask.

@It's all my fault No way are you a horrible person. No way. Our feelings aren't wrong, they're just feelings. If we act on them it's another matter. Why wouldn't you feel angry that she didn't protect you? It seems normal to me that you would be angry about this. It doesn't sound like...

@Bedbug @franciemarnie Yes, I still think something may have happened to her. She had a very harsh, dominating mother too. Who in turn, had an absolutely terrible father. Goes right down the line. Her possibly dissociating explains a lot of why she never felt "there" and why she could drift...

@Bedbug @Hope4Now I forgot to say, my mother also said I became generally fearful, including things that I'd never been scared of before.

Thanks everyone! My T said it was a personality fragment, but not fully differentiated, just to clarify for anyone wondering. @Hope4Now @Bedbug She seemed to have been expecting this call to come one day, and didn't try to avoid it this time. That was a first! I'm not sure why she didn't...

I really want to post this for anyone else struggling with a dissociative part of themselves - I've noticed lately that @Echo @Hope4Now & @Bedbug have been going through a similar stage to what's been happening for me - and - I want you guys and anyone else with this problem to know that it can...

I too identify with the flinching, shaking head for "no" thing - it happens when I am triggered. I also get a "sense" of my head being pushed down into the pillow. My fragments of memory indicated something seemed to have happened, but they weren't giving me enough info. I felt like I was...

Ok, this is weird, but I'm still doing better overall than I was. It's lasted a few days now. I think the 3 year old part of me has benefited from "telling" my mother about the suspected abuse, and having some validation. I was suicidal for about a week, and then something lifted. Still some...

Stay present and safe mytai. My thoughts are with you. I would still ring that detective you have the number for when you can, even if it's the next day.

@FindingMyself88 I'm so sorry you feel so trapped and overwhelmed. Please consider going to a hospital. Ending it might seem like the only solution, but that's the depression and the PTSD talking. I felt very suicidal only a week ago, and have cycled through it again - it will pass. You...

When I was looking for a T, I did some checking online to try and find a match, and found one who seemed ok until I saw her photo. She looked way too much like my grandmother (who despised me for no reason). I startled badly when I saw her, and that was the end of that. No way could I have...

@mytai I am so glad to read these last few posts of yours, you sound like you are much more stable, though I know you are still dealing with a lot. Keep it up, you are amazing!

@Echo - I'm so sorry you are having such a horribly difficult time. I can really identify with finding split off parts, and having a part that's suicidal, as I have one of those too, though I'm still in the process of working it all out. I wish I had some advice for you, but unfortunately...

Reading of the suffering in Syria has me very, very sad.

Very angry with my mother-in-law telling me to "move on" and "get over it" yet again, and telling me that my son's OCD and panic attacks are due to me being "overprotective". This from a woman who thinks bullying is good for you, the more the better, who thinks you should never pick up a crying...

Spoke too soon perhaps. The depression and anxiety are starting to come in and settle again, like a fog rolling in.

I've had this too. Wanting very much to know, but being afraid of knowing. Trying to know, by telling myself to dream about it before going to sleep, and having nightmares and flashbacks in response, but which didn't tell me anymore than I already knew. Obsessing over every symptom of having...

It sounds like you were dissociated after the session. This happened to me as well, in my only session of EMDR so far. Take good care of yourself the next couple of days, and keep using grounding to come back to the here and now, like you said with the horses. My T told me not to drive...

My feeling "normal" is being sustained somehow. It's this thing that happens to me occasionally - I've woken up to a different version of me, the "adult" and "normal" one. I realise now that I've been driven by my split off 3 year old for the last 6 months. At least, I think so, though I need...

I wasn't able to answer your post earlier, due to being scattered from going through a very similar thing. Yesterday I woke up feeling "normal" after 6 months of severe symptoms. It is still there today, though I am scared of it changing back again. I actually feel like an "adult", a bit like...

Enjoy being home with your furry family! Rest, and let yourself just be.

I woke up feeling ok today. Ok as in "normal" ok, not PTSD ok. It lasted an hour, during which time I got progressively more nervous at feeling "normal", wanting to hang on to it and knowing that the slightest thing might make it fly away. I think I've sabotaged myself, as I'm not feeling as...

Good to hear from you Reds!

((WillyKat)) I'm sorry to hear how hard it's been. Hope you find a way through soon.

@ResaLock Thank you so much for all of your advice, it was very helpful. @Ayesha It's funny you should mention the writing thing, as it suddenly occurred to me yesterday to try that, and I haven't felt able to do it before. I will have a go at it.