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@stp2012 As written its long long time since I had a flashback. Reminds me of how much pain Ive been in when I where at the height of traumatized. I can say that thanks God Im at a diferent stage now. If I had this flashback some years ago it would have been so painful it would drag me down...

@Zoogal thanks so much for asking. My daughter answered the phone yesterday finally. She had forgotten the charger at school so her phone was low on baterrie which ws the reason why she didnt answer the phone. And I in the midst of flashback started to create scenarios out of own fear. Im...

I feel sad that this happend to me that it did this to me and its what I have to live with the memories of even do distant today :grumpy:

Long time since I had a flashback. Ive downloaded some music for running and then went for a run. On the way home listening to this somewhat old music it hit me. Did "father" listen to while he did the things he did? Flashbacks of smell, distant sight and a faint glimpse of a face I do...

Yes it has happend to me to. Before. Doctor said I had fibromyalgia. No words can describe the severe pysical pain I ended up feeling. Doctor had no remedy for it. The extreme sport pain Ive managed to heal on my own. If it comes back Ill know what to do know, but mostly I can say Ive worked my...

Dont belive so much in what others say is right or wrong. I also experience meditation in a way they say is wrong. Feels good to me so Ill keep doing what works for me. And thats what I think you should do too. All though meditation every day might be slightly overdoing? Did you know that you...

@Zoogal yepp :bag: Find the contradicionary quite interesting. My messed up personal life and my offcial role model life :ninja: Good thing about crushing plate today - It left me of no choise other then to do a thourough house cleaning as there been glass everywhere :wacky::facepalm:

Really like your expression foldit up in a neat little package and tuck it away :D You are not lost - you are right on track. Atleast as far as how I percieve process the trauma. Memories never fully go away. Memories is so much. Its about smells, sounds, sights, visual memories and so...

Hope you can get by despite the low pay @Zoogal . Again as you mention more of your workplace it sounds good other then the suckin pay check. Its a shame really that workers cant get a decent pay for the job they do. That is- many of us. Looking at oportunity to create new business as a...

@Zoogal sounds like a nice job and that your doing it well :)

Im one of those with a severe childhood. Id still say you have reason to be traumatized. No reason to be beat nearly to death like I did to be traumatized. What you have overcomed is tough enough . I also compare myself and asked my self why did I become that much traumatized when others...

@Zoogal I can understand why you stay despite the pay. Im not liked in my work so despite earning decent I feel shitty about the job. Well - I only have a contract that I have job, but they are so shitty they dont ask me to work. Job is important I belive. I know Ive been quite content when I...

@pixel awww tusen takk :happy: A little bit embarresed of myself :bag: But I do understand where I come from :ninja: @Zoogal I do make bread actually. Done that for some years. But Ive found it much more helpful to go to gym like I did now and beat up my muscles instead :rolleyes:

I think its to late to have a happy childhood for me, but not to late to get a happy grown up hood. My christmas past year been pretty fun. Glad Im not traumatized by it anymore. Or any other holidays of the year. By the way - I dont think your silly nor stupid - your just having plain fun :)

Haha like the idea of replacing with something that gives the pleasure but not the pain - thanks guys. Ronin - I went to the gym. Got out in time. Zoogal - Ill read your post. Meanwhile Ive figured out that its severe depression caused by being unemployed = days are to long and...

Ok so I broke something again. A plate this time. Must be the fourth time this week. Realise that Im on the verge of explosion. Realise that this is not good. Ive stopped self harm some time ago, but seeing al this nice glass on the floor makes it so so tempting to just slize a little bit to...

@One step at a time I should say thanks to you cause you put words on some of what Ive tried to write namely "is not impacting my quality of life in the same, direct way that it used to, struggle is about external stresses, and some of it is about managing (and sometimes mismanaging)...

@eloc and anyother reading - please please dont mention social welfare. They done nothing more then destroy. And its not about getting food either. Its about how do I keep faith when the storm sets in that I do have a chanse for a better...

@Ronin Your bet failed. No appeal will help. Been there tried that and Im done. Im on my own. To find the way out of this. I cant spend any more time on my knees begging and pleading as its both destructive to dignity as well as it doesnt help wallet cause they simply brush me of as they ve...

I get the point of how to use it in therapy. And I feel like vomit by the bare thought of it. Ive done drugs. Sure. When I was really young and really really messed up. With that knowledge I just think they should be very very very careful of such solution to treat people. For me personally to...

@Ronin even with this money I couldnt afford to buy the books. I would use them for houserent and for food. That was my actual intention. So sorry I wrote it wrong, but its a little bit complicated or a little bit to much for me and I get confused. Im in a big messy situation right now and it...

@hodge thanks - encouragment is appreciated - good night :hug:

@Stickler - i know my sami face is a problem. People do judge you on the base of how you look like. No doubt. Its a horrible story. @Lola Nocheprieta Dearva - meaning hello in sami language (had to google do). It is pretty much the same as what happend to the indigenous of America and...

I dont feel so traumatized anymore. I feel willing and able to move on. Just that I got my self into deep shit I must manage to solve to get a decent life to live. The challenge now is that the goverment of my country is making it more and more difuclt to dig your self out of problems like...

Somewhat yes and as Ive learned from Ladee today it gives me a loads of toxic shame feelings. What is Toxic Shame? | Psych Central Im trying to learn how to regulate and thereby control the outburst I can get in dificult situations. And also try to not fall into the shame trap if I do.