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yes it doesnt go very well i dont communicate well, the anxiety makes me so sick i feel like passing out. i dont connect well with people there was one person that was super helpful she was a rape advocate through school/ local center but she stopped being an advocate and were arent in touch...

when it comes to other folks how does one be around people when there is so much turmoil inside and dont want people to know. also even as kid ive never really been able to be around people. but on occasion there is a kind loving person that i can be around, its hard to find those people and...

blah i hate that you asked this but it is an amazing question..brain thinks is there a difference? intellectually i know there is but feeling is same. bu to answer trauma eyes ;/ man i just got a really creepy picture in head of eyes bleeding scenes of the trauma...... thank you for that question.

its funny cause when i dont drink smoke etc everything becomes so clear and its not a fight anymore of living vs not. the clearness kind of brings up even as kid i never wanted to be here, having clear head makes me realize i dont have to be, i dont have to fight i dont owe anyone anything its...

Lol oh I have that book.

Lol its funny you be in up preplan as I do but its more for the end of life stuff lol sorry to laugh its just I'm loosing it I do books or at least try most of time have no idea what i read. Read on here it hurts me knowing so many others are in pain and despair

I'm sorry you had to deal with all that no child person should have to and trust me its not a gen thing as my adoptive parents did similar I'm 28.

Yes too much pain it never seems to be able to be under control. Yes SI been bad because of all of it. I feel like soul as rotted from inside out. I try to be safe at peace but at last I fail Its hard as adoptive dad as told me since kid and as much as i want to say f u etc he as dementia and...

All you say is correct. And I very much appreciate your words. I'm also extremely detached and its like nothing is real im so confused

Oh tiny I understand. But I just don't feel i deserve it. I just have no fight left in me. I wish i did but don't. I'm very good at being helpful to others and reliable etc but its rare I can expect same. Im going to try this next coming week but if feelings don't change I'm done. I regret...

Trying to grasp what you say. And im so sorry you feel like ghost also. I never want anyone to feel way I do. I know there is beauty in world but there is also a lot of crappy bs that happens. I think in ideal good out ways bad so keep going but for some that's not reality you get beat down so...

no.

ive met bio grandma. and we talk on FB chat. which i am extremely grateful for.

the fact that trauma happens when one may not comprehend fully doesnt mean there arent memories that arent understood later.....i ask my therapist what happens if stop drinking etc and cant deal even more response was " good question" when you feel like you dont belong and then are pretty much...

Im so sorry it pains me even more to know so many other people are hurting...why is it some have to face hell over and over while others don't we are all people. Yet some people can breeze through life compared to fighting everyday to just keep drowning...sorry if not very positive I'm def at my...

its hard when you have to put on facade where everyone thinks your okay, they think because you do put on facade your fine when really at the depths of ones soul they are dying from the inside out... its good that you did those things!

I havent practiced today just cleaned and labeled. And what's point ive been 5150d twice both bad made thibgs worse in different ways

I so want to care enough but the packing labelling cleaning says otherwise. I don't care if i rob myself of what might be good...that's just life. Life people will rob you so why does it even matter? Also amazingly it didn't feel so bad to "practice" it

I don't know i need things to stop i need to be able to function do things on a normal/regular basis. But that's not happening each day is he'll and I just get closer and closer to death. On two paths trying ro survive and failing vs also dying

My apartments never been so clean organized have things labeled etc. I don't have the will power anymore to keep fighting, it's relentless. Ideal hard work pays off...reality you work your ass off and can't even keep head above water. Haven't been a person/human in awhile. It's like I've...

your words are advice enough i use distractions all the time but it doesnt make the pain hurt memories etc any better its really hard not to its like its automatic takes every minute of every day to fight it and not do something i understand i guess you can say im in similar boat thank you...

I dont want to give up, i dont want to feel like that the only right thing is death... i want to survive but dont have the will power. Im beyond exhausted, and its not like the world/ things can stop. ive become more mute and isolated as time goes on because of the exhaustion and the...

im grateful to hang on and to have had the ability to fight. but im just so exhausted most of the time im not even really here. im ready to stop fighting, and its beyond hard to not. its like automatic at this point im giving out. thank you for your response WW <3 HI JL, im beyond...

stopping sounds nice. But i understand what your saying your right i fear constant fight/let down than dying

i appreciate your words and what you shared