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What if everyone in the accident deserved to be here. What if survival is not a zero sum game? If you'd been the one to die, would that baby not have deserved to survive? I think she would. And I think you do. Guilt is a strange emotion. It is socially constructed. No one feels guilty without...

I always look ok. I always act ok. If I had a 104 temp, I'd look fine. I'd act fine. I have acted fine. It was hard to tell when I was in labor. I have a high pain tolerance. So... just because the professionals aren't worried doesn't mean you are not in crisis, particularly if you haven't given...

This is sarcasm, right? I'm sorry you are suffering so. ((((((Hope))))))) On the mom front - is there any way you could get her a DNR bracelet or necklace or something? (I know a doc who has a tattoo.) I'd say don't go to the hospital if you can avoid it. Dying in a hospital hooked up sucks. IMO.

I loathe PTSD, and would also wave my magic wand and replace it with some other far kinder and less painful method of dealing with trauma if I could. And I would not attribute my H's virtues (which are many) to his PTSD. Quite the contrary, his virtues were often developed in spite of his...

Thanks for the heads up, @Lemontree! And @Solara I am SURE you didn't mean to include me in that "you all.";) I'm pretty sure I've never said anything nice about PTSD. And I'm speculating here, not advocating a position (tho it might sound like it since I am not so good at writing sentences in...

On the topic of "identifying my likes and dislikes" today I ran across this: (trigger alert, a story of abuse - not graphic - at the beginning.) Watch the whole thing (well, you can skip the first 4 minutes or so of introduction and get to the presentation) It was a revelation to me. And if...

@SheilaKathy GOOD FOR YOU for taking care. And keeping an eye on the bruise is a good "self care" idea too. And lack of self care takes many odd forms. For example: Several years ago I learned I have a particular learning disability - a deficit in revisualization skills. I look up everything...

Jonice Webb in "Running on Empty: Healing your emotional neglect" Offers a list of how to address lack of self care due to neglect. 1) Putting yourself first 2) Eating 3) Exercising 4) Rest and Relaxation She says do these in order and only one at a time. Putting yourself first is all about...

Thank you for saying this. I expect this is part of what is going on with me too.... It just feels like... that kind of heels dug in resistance and I'm going to revise the list to be more positive. I could say much the same. My mom just kind of disappeared all things having to do with female...

The essence of cuteness. I am NOT showing this to daughter L. :D

I am not a very tech-y person and on my iPhone and computer Skype is super easy. I avoided for a long time.. and then felt really stupid for having done so. Anyhow, my T and I mostly have phone sessions. We have not done Skype sessions, but might do if I felt it would be better. And you can...

Explain please? I'm going to make a list. Maybe with stars or stickers or something. And I'm going to go look up what the "Childhood Emotional Neglect" book says about this. Because I can't remember. Which means... I didn't really "get" it the first time through. Exercise, showers...

@FridayJones - could you say more about the specifics of how these systems work? I find there are somethings I am very very good about (my animals are the most "compliant" patients any of my vets have ever had, me and my doc... not so much.) And others, well.... What are those systems exactly?

Wellness walks. Sigh. I even have dogs who would Be The Most Happy Ever In their Lives if ONLY I would take one of them for a walk. (They are too big to take all at once - they outweigh me significantly all together.) Maybe today. ... ? If there are a few of us maybe we could start a "self care...

I don't mean to be short at all, and if you do a quick search (in the box above and uncheck the box that says "in this forum") on "Self care" you will see how VERY Not Alone in this struggle you are. Fortunately/unfortunately.

I struggle ALOT. If you look up Childhood emotional neglect... Jonice Webb... it was a revelation to me.

@shimmerz, maybe we should think of the pain of grief as an analogue to labor pains. They are necessary to birth the new "me" in the world that is NOW. This is easy to conceptualize when we lose someone important. "Who will I be without.... (loved one)? How will I go on?" And yet, we do go on...

We are doing ok today. My ex is not sure when to "make the call". It is hard when a kitty has good and bad days. I've just listened to the Stephen Jenkinson interview. WOW. EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LISTEN TO THIS!!!! It is a lot to think about. A whole different take on grief. It is about grief as...

WOW Valentino... and how incredibly timely.... One of our kitties is in her last days (she lives with my ex) and my daughter is going to grieve, and ... I certainly don't know how much. So this gives me a lot to work with!!! She tends to dive in and wallow .... for a long time. Often until...

Not lost. Really. Not spent in ways you would have preferred. But not lost. You have not lost time. You cannot lose time. Time passes as it will. Our experiences are not lost. They may not be what we want. We may not want to have had the experiences we did (understatement!!!) But they are, for...

Going on a tangent here, and I am intending to revisit earlier posts and reply. I am starting to see how much my "normal patterns" are old stuff. I am really struggling with self care at the moment. (11 AM and forgot to eat breakfast, worked all morning cleaning the kitchen...) If I don't have...

Wrong answer on failing the class. Are you seeing a T? Or a psychiatrist. Actually you need a psychiatrist or MD to write you a note. Get them to write you a note and either late withdraw or take an incomplete. When you go back to school finish the class. You don't need to explain much to the...

My T has a standard answer for "BUT HOW DO I STOP....?" 1) Identify the pattern. 2) Create and rehearse a "pattern interrupt." - What new habit are you going to replace the old habit with? 3) Practice doing the pattern interrupt in your imagination - so imagine that the pattern is happening...

@ Valentino - this is great stuff. VERY helpful indeed... Misidentification of the threat. Brilliant. Bad training/conditioning. A spin off of Pavlov's famous experiment - he got the dogs to salivate at the PRIOR stimulus instead of the appropriate one. Here is the insight that spun me a...

Is pain pain if you don't feel it? Good question. I guess it would be more accurate to say it gets... disappeared. It is very odd.