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Search results

  1. Ellabella44

    Bipolar Bipolar new diagnosis as of tuesday

    (Sorry I don't know how to add the prefix box thingy) Once again I'm happy I found this site years ago. From October 21st to Nov 21st I've been in a cycle starting with deep depression that flipped one day into weeks of mania and heightened libido. I'd had this whole scenario in addition to...
  2. Ellabella44

    Atheist unite!!

    I consider myself to be on a permanent religious hiatus. Since my delayed onset in 2013. So many things I made myself forget. My father, psycho who made my early years h*ll, drove us home from church (where he probably prayed for forgiveness for what he did at home) and decided to yell one...
  3. Ellabella44

    Whatcha doooooooin'?

    @bellbird sounds wonderful. Enjoy the day. Its 4:30 am here. I've been up since 3 ish. Wrote some of my fears into that beautiful diary I bought for my mental slime. I probably just ranted the whole thing but hey its a space to do that. Hello Darkness my old friend, I'm up again at 3 am.
  4. Ellabella44

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Feeling a bit excited and hopeful. I found out that one of the other women in my gaming group has ptsd and bipolar. She was diagnosed years ago. We exchanged info so we could talk.
  5. Ellabella44

    Whatcha doooooooin'?

    Day 1 of my bipolar med. Its made me sleepy. Just got up from nap. Hope ill be awake for thanksgiving. It won't start helping with my symptoms till 4 weeks. Hoping I don't do anything weird today.
  6. Ellabella44

    Whatcha doooooooin'?

    Therapy today as well. Felt I needed extra support for damage control. I'm trying to see what lifestyle changes ill have to go through to help control this and keep things like weight gain down. Goodbye to hazelnut coffee and sugary stuff. Anything that could be a stimulant is out. Making up...
  7. Ellabella44

    You Know You Have PTSD When...

    When on a night you are handling a secondary diagnosis your pet chooses to sleep with you and not leave your side. He only sleeps with me when I'm in distress. When you play a game online and have to restrain yourself from giving some idiot who says surviving a certain monster gave him ptsd...
  8. Ellabella44

    What would you choose?

    Depends what is in them. Though the safe choice is the stew. Hot chocolate or alcohol
  9. Ellabella44

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    I'm thinking of how p*seed I am after diagnosis yesterday. I now have CPTSD and Bipolar. My diagnosis was correct. And I hate that I was right. The poison in my father's mind is mine now. If you think about it in a way I get to finally fight him for all of the things he put us through. These...
  10. Ellabella44

    Insert Swearish Rant Here

    I want to f*cking scream! Tonight I've been diagnosed with bipolar as well. F*CCCCCCCCKKKKKK! I DONT WANT TO END UP GOING TO THE ER IF I GET OUT OF CONTROLL. I just want to f*cking get drunk. But I cant. My husbands at so what really is going to change from now. Are you getting it that I...
  11. Ellabella44

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    :hug: hope all goes well. I'm leaving in a few minutes for my appointment. I'm scared about this appointment. I already ended up obsessively cleaning the house. Had to make myself go play a game because I wound up so much. It calmed me down and now I get to ride 45 mins to my appointment...
  12. Ellabella44

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    Thinking about my med appointment tonight. I most likely will have to sign a release so we can talk with my husband there. The questions ill have to answer that I go through every time. "Are you feeling suicidal? Self harm? " I've discussed things off and on that she will bring up. Might do...
  13. Ellabella44

    What would you choose?

    Hmm I can't cut my hair yet for trauma reasons. So not being able to shave. Legs aren't bare , don't care. Journaling or meditating?
  14. Ellabella44

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    :hug: hopefully you can still make changes to help. Somewhat happy because I'm still in possession of myself. No other phrase for it but f*cked because I'm geting an official secondary diagnosis tomorrow. I'm worried what the new med will do to me. Side effects, emotionally and all. Will I...
  15. Ellabella44

    What Song Are You Listening To Right Now?

    Listening to a lot of different things. I was so sad to hear Chester lost his battle with depression etc. I hate it when we loose someone
  16. Ellabella44

    Reasons to live / things you want to do

    @Lionheart777 its not stupid. Its actually beautiful you can think that way. I honestly have trouble with this. My family just got through things that would have been worse if I had died years ago. Beyond them I have no actual idea of why I'm still here. I'm a wife and mother but those...
  17. Ellabella44

    Holiday "Poker face"

    A few years ago I completely lost holiday poker face. My brother in law was pushy with a mistletoe ball he had brought and I had a full on flashback. I went into a room that nobody else was in and had myself a merry little breakdown. I listened to meditation etc to help me bring myself to...
  18. Ellabella44

    Whatcha doooooooin'?

    Hope you get the relief you need @Lionheart777. I have therapy today. Last week I actually made her say holy sh*t. I'd glossed over my symptoms related to my recent mess and the fact that I had both of these things riding me as well as an addiction and nearly lost last time , but did it all...
  19. Ellabella44

    What Are You Grateful For Today?

    Knowledge that I absolutely CAN handle a crisis period better than I thought I could. I'm a big girl now that I can ask for help. That after a few weeks I recognized this as previous symptoms and instead of completely freaking out, I went researching to attack what in my head was attacking me...
  20. Ellabella44

    Other Vaginismus - treatment options/ outcome?

    I'm a "well there's worse things" about things that happened. I tend to downplay and save the compassion for someone else. My list of things that didn't happen is sexual assault and broken bones. I've been bruised knocked around and I'm still walking. Maybe because my mother lived on all the...
  21. Ellabella44

    Other Vaginismus - treatment options/ outcome?

    @Mee I guess I say only because I know others have physically had worse things. @DharmaGirl I was also rejected by my mother. " How can you do this to me" with her back turned after I told my parents I was pregnant. And made to be in the Sunday school day care with other women's children to...
  22. Ellabella44

    Whatcha doooooooin'?

    I slept all night. Now before you cuss me out about it, I have not slept a full night the past 3 weeks. I'm feeling what I'd call good. Balanced. Like myself for another day. This is the contentment of a perfect temperature bath with no interruptions from absolutely anything else. Is it...
  23. Ellabella44

    Advice for dealing with narcissist boss

    Hoping all straightens out and goes well. I've been raised in similar environment and honestly wouldn't survive under such a boss. I've tried. I worked for a few weeks at a florist where the boss was constantly calling from the other store and yelling about me probably doing nothing again...
  24. Ellabella44

    Not sure if this is PTSD related... but I can't sell anything to anyone! Gah!

    No way I could eiether unless through a web store. My eye contact is shot when I'm anxious. I'm looking everywhere but at the person. And I'm hoping to find an office situation for work where that won't be a problem :eek:
  25. Ellabella44

    Getting A Service Dog.

    Ooh so excited for you!!!!! Will you show us his picture when you get him. Hoping you both are the right fit for each other and have many years ahead.
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