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Great post @Hojay and exactly what I have learned myself recently.

Thanks for sharing @Snowflakes. I'm glad to learn more about you.

I used to think a bunch of this same stuff about my guy. I would question his motives. We are moving into 2 years and he doesn't want to call me his gf yet and needs to go suuuuupeeerr slllooowwwlyyy. It took me a long time to realize I had to take him at his word. He can only do what he can...

I feel like this is where my guy is a good portion of the time. In that cloud. Thanks for explaining this.

No, you are not pathetic

I'm not an expert here at all, but I would say the equivalent of leaving a room when texting might be not responding any longer...disengage immediately when you see you are headed down that conflict road. If on the phone say you anything you might say in person before leaving the room (i have...

Also ditto on the bad advice. Most advice I get comes from the stance of "normal" relationship rules. A lot of that has either not worked, backfired, or not even applied to our situation. And one more thought on talking to friends and family :D Talking about our problems with friends and...

So true! I have absolutely no one I can speak to about this anymore. I was thinking this very thing last night. Fortunately I am in a positive period at the moment and feel really good with him and want to share with my friends, but I can't even share the good stuff. They don't want to hear any...

It is also very fortunate that he made it quite clear you were adding to his stress. Now you know this for sure and without a doubt because he verbalized this to you in the moment. You can work with that.

I agree with all of this. This is very true for my situation. And I mean like all of what you said. I have finally learned to be patient and i work hard at not reacting badly. A huge dose of acceptance that they may decide or realize they do not want, or can not do, a relationship is very...

Or maybe he felt stress when you were away but now that you're back he finds comfort just knowing you're there. It sounds like he just needs some space and that is disheartening but try to be patient and leave him to himself as much as you can.

I am also very sorry about that. It's understandable you would want, or need, to leave that situation. Are there any support groups near you?

@Supervixn I know I am not in a place to be giving you suggestions, but my heart went out to you and I wanted to offer something up. Please ignore anything i wrote up there that is not helpful.

It does not sound like a cop out at all. I understand that happens. It happens to my guy too. One of the biggest issues or problems, or perhaps damage that happens here is how badly you feel about yourself after. That's my opinion. It seems like that would be so hard on you and my heart goes...

Ok the advice I am going give you is not going to feel great. Here it is - be patient! Awful, I know. I have been through what feels like hundreds of these episodes in my situation and something happened this past new years eve that clicked for me. I just decided I was going to Really focus on...

Once you have calmed down and are in a better state, are you able to see what made you blow up or get so angry? Are you able to pinpoint those moments at all?

Thanks!

Sorry I meant this for @lostforgottensoul

Feelings: frustration, confusion, anger, more frustration, sadness. I think the best thing anyone can do about it is communicate openly so the supporter can understand better and not take it so personally when it's happening. Also, when that behavior is over, apologize and admit...

I think living in the moment without setting relationship expectations is great advice. There is the issue of finding balance with that and setting certain boundaries too.

I could not find that @Zoogal , do you have her name?

Are you talking to me? :) if so I don't have PTSD. Just a supporter of sorts to someone who is prior military and other career induced PTSD.

Hi @krisss I'm Omer from the anonymous thread. So funny we both said we are rambling and the holidays have been hard without reading the others post! :woot: So, my 2 cents to your questions about being selfish and if you are asking for too much - It's not selfish to love someone and want to...

Yes, I go through it all the time. Maybe it's also due to to the relationship progressing? That seems like part of the process or cycle you mentioned. That is stressful too.

I have to say, reading from supporters and sufferers who have been in LTRs and long marriages, this is so helpful for people like me who have been trying to embark on a new relationship with a sufferer. It is beyond confusing and frustrating, so reading and learning all of this is so very...