Ok the advice I am going give you is not going to feel great. Here it is - be patient! Awful, I know.
I have been through what feels like hundreds of these episodes in my situation and something happened this past new years eve that clicked for me. I just decided I was going to Really focus on me now.
Now I have told myself this dozens of times over the past year and a half. I have read this advice right on these forums equally as much. But for some reason, new years eve it just clicked and i got it.
It comes from detaching I think. I was always afraid to detach and also I worried about him, but I just got it that my worry wasn't helping him, nor was it helping me. And he wants to keep pushing me away and nothing I say or do will or can stop that. No amount of love or care for him will stop that.
So I made a bunch of resolutions and started on that path. I know it's only been a week but I feel a serious shift in my thoughts and behaviors. My anxiety level has gone way down. I have started listening to a bunch of guided meditations on youtube (hokey for some maybe) that have helped me considerably.
In my mind I also accepted him fully for who he is. Isolation, anger issues, blocking, all of those in addition to the many great and awesome qualities within him. I accept it all. And I have to accept that if it works out for us, it works out for us.
Amazingly my block was lifted a couple of days after the new year began and we are currently in the first tentative days of reconnection. And I am remaining calm and patient and letting him come to me at all times until things are more settled. If they get more settled because at any moment poof! Another episode could occur.
So, patience. I do highly recommend lots of YouTube! Haha. Those meditation videos have led to more and more learning to become calm and happy within myself and to feel love and compassion for him, for me, for my kid, for my coworkers, on and on...
Hugs and good luck! You will get through this.
I have been through what feels like hundreds of these episodes in my situation and something happened this past new years eve that clicked for me. I just decided I was going to Really focus on me now.
Now I have told myself this dozens of times over the past year and a half. I have read this advice right on these forums equally as much. But for some reason, new years eve it just clicked and i got it.
It comes from detaching I think. I was always afraid to detach and also I worried about him, but I just got it that my worry wasn't helping him, nor was it helping me. And he wants to keep pushing me away and nothing I say or do will or can stop that. No amount of love or care for him will stop that.
So I made a bunch of resolutions and started on that path. I know it's only been a week but I feel a serious shift in my thoughts and behaviors. My anxiety level has gone way down. I have started listening to a bunch of guided meditations on youtube (hokey for some maybe) that have helped me considerably.
In my mind I also accepted him fully for who he is. Isolation, anger issues, blocking, all of those in addition to the many great and awesome qualities within him. I accept it all. And I have to accept that if it works out for us, it works out for us.
Amazingly my block was lifted a couple of days after the new year began and we are currently in the first tentative days of reconnection. And I am remaining calm and patient and letting him come to me at all times until things are more settled. If they get more settled because at any moment poof! Another episode could occur.
So, patience. I do highly recommend lots of YouTube! Haha. Those meditation videos have led to more and more learning to become calm and happy within myself and to feel love and compassion for him, for me, for my kid, for my coworkers, on and on...
Hugs and good luck! You will get through this.
