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I say it all bears repeating, and thank you!

Thanks for helping me take some agency in regards to my response about the DV advocate. You're right, especially since it was my first visit there, I'm betting that she offered me the resources she could and passed the ball back to me. I need to admit to myself that I'm subconsciously expecting...

Thank you for all of this. I am 32, so if I were to get out soon enough, I still have time to potentially start my own family, etc, even if it's without a partner. Unfortunately I can already sense my current partner working his boundary-eroding narcissism on me. He tries to talk about the...

I set up a consult with a therapist and privately disclosed up front that I want to leave the relationship, but his intention is to make it work. She seems qualified and accustomed to situations like mine, and I'm hoping it will give me some closure and turnaround to make the choice I need to...

It is so comforting to hear that you found someone you are happy with after leaving your situation. I know that shouldn't be a priority or goal of mine, but a big fear is that I'm now somehow damaged goods or unlovable due to being worn down in a toxic relationship for too many years. He's not...

:laugh: Oh man, that really does hit close to home. I do feel like I have a kid sometimes! And sometimes I feel accountable for taking on that role, like maybe I'm getting something out of the care-taking even though it's the equivalent of caring for a tornado? Like I constantly feel in harm's...

Are there domestic violence shelter resources in your area? Maybe a local YWCA or something similar? I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm currently trying to leave a partner as well.

I think my friends are very fed up with my staying. They're supportive and understanding, but I can tell it's exhausting to be my friends in this situation. It sounds like couple's therapy helped you come to a decision about what to do. He really wants to go to couple's, but I've been scared of...

This would have been my 6th I think. The other times I took more serious steps, like canceling rental leases or packing up my stuff. Once I even lived with my mom for about three months, after he threatened me with a gun and grabbed me and lifted me from the ground by my shoulders. I told him...

Mostly a lot of shame. I was sure it was time. He started crying, and telling me had nothing, and the guilt took over.

Thank you

Yes, I need to keep working at this. Thank you for the words of support.

It didn't. I didn't leave. He cried, and begged, and promised, and I felt so guilty that I stayed. I canceled my mom's flight. I still want to leave him. "The more money (energy, whatever) you've inserted, the harder it is to quit from the game. You've invested so much and want something back...

Update: I booked an airline ticket for my mom to come up tomorrow. Ideally, we're going to pack me up without him there and drive to my home state.

The leaving itself sounds difficult. The outcome you described is what I'm hoping for. I want to be able to move on with my life.

Oh boy, that is quite a fact! It unfortunately makes sense though.

Thank you for the detailed and helpful comment. You're right, I'm not responsible for him and it's not my fault if he struggles. I don't owe it to him to take care of him, whether we are in a relationship or not. He might expect me to make him some toast because that's the toxic dynamic the...

I'm there with you - it's really hard to just keep driving away and not turn back, especially if they have you scrambled in the head. Horrible things he does today are things I'd never have put up with before him, but he's pushed my threshold over and over so that the bar of what I tolerate is...

Honestly, the dog is all he has and I can't imagine him daring to harm her. His last dog (who died of cancer) was closer to him than any person, to the point that I was internally jealous of her at times! He treated her the way I wanted to be treated - with patience, unconditional love, and...

This is great to know. Maybe I gave up too easily on this option and there are other centers/advocates in my area. Thank you Whirlwind. My plan was to go no contact. Not answer him at all if he messages, etc. Since he has both self harmed in front of me and threatened it, I had planned on...

I know this is not at all what you're intending, but the language in your comments is coming across as a little victim blaming. It's neither easy or predictable to be in this cycle. I can't tell you what it was like for you, but my partner's moods are not predictable and I have no idea when he's...

My local domestic violence shelter was kind of a let down. The advocate handed me some paperwork and told me what legal resources were available, but I left feeling more alone than when I came in. Not the advocate's fault, but it just seemed like she was going through the motions of explaining...

Thank you, I needed to hear this so much. We don't have kids, and the dog issue is almost always my number one deterrent whenever I think I'm ready to go. I could technically pay for the three remaining months of the lease, and bring a friend back to help me move the rest of my stuff out (with...

Thank you. I've been to my local domestic violence center to discuss my options, and they did say they could get me out of my lease. However, I'm worried about leaving him and his dog homeless. Being jobless currently, he'd be unable to qualify for another rental. I'm not necessarily afraid for...

I meant to clarify this. He has never ever harmed a dog, not even yelled at it. It's a creepy disconnect, because he treats our dogs way better than he treats me. When I go on work trips, he takes care of them. They are also very attached to him. Thank you Bearlinda!