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:joyful: thank you.

Thank you for understanding.

I live on benadryl when i am stressed. My skin breaks out in hives awful. Strange thing when i was overmedicated all my allergies went away for the first time in my life. I carry an epipen because i once had an anaphylactic reaction under stress. But i have been stung not under stress and have...

So i have been with my now wife 25yrs. I still struggle with fear of judgement. I have spent yrs hiding it. I have lived with discrimination. I lost my children for a year and half because the courts thought i was not a good mother because of being gay. My ex was an alcholic who did not take...

I can say this is just how it is in totally dysfunctional families. I am the youngest of 4. We were brought up in a totally sick environment. I feel like i am the only one who was damaged. I bent over backwards, after sending my mother's husband to jail for sexually assaulting my son. Trying to...

Ok dont laugh.. So I think i have been in therapy for almost 6 yrs. I go once a week and i hardly ever miss. But my problem with my memory, i am really not sure. I guess to will need to ask him.

I have been using klonopin for over 5yrs. I do not take this prescription lightly. I am terrified of addiction. I grew up with it, so i know the results. I have a drink occasionally. I am able to go off klonopin for a week and then go back on without side effects, i have times i take 3 times a...

No, that is not a failure. Maybe i should say to you after 5 yrs in therapy that happens to me. I think that way myself and that just reinforces the disappointment. I need to give myself a break. A big freeze moment, so What's the agenda... my mind goes blank and i start to talk about my...

I just wanted to jump in and say it takes time, false starts, ups and downs. I went to a therapist for a year. He was brilliant, but he couldnt help me get to a place of comfort. I had very complicated trauma, childhood, marriage and my sons abuse by a relative. I trusted no one, i never thought...

Just wantrd to let you that what you wrote is wonderful. Thank you for sharing, my inner dialog is killing me.

I am going to show you crazy!:rolleyes: Makes me laugh and smile. It runs through my mind until another song takes its place.

Its wonderful that you were able to let down your guard. Your therapist was there for you. Its a beautiful moment for you. Hang in!

Thank you all for your support. I decided to speak with him about it. As i discusses my flashback, i said you know i cant control this. He said of course you cant control it, it happens. But he said i obsess and analyze so much over things that i can put myself into a freefall. I become frozen...

Well, i see my therapist tonight. What do i say when he says you think too much, you cant get pulled in. I am not making excuses about the flashback. I want to be able to bring them under control. No drama needed in my life, enough out there just living day to day. But sometimes they just...

So sorry for you loss. Be gentle eith yourself. I am saying prayers for you and your Mom. Sending hugs..

Thanks, i having been anxious every since.

Here is a thought, maybe not how we look. But i have always been a target for bullies. Childhood and as an adult. Its almost like they know i wont fight back, i will comply. Its made me, i hate to say this but a victim of abuse, time and time again. I have learned to walk into meetinh rooms and...

LOL, 51 grey hair, lots of aches and pains...i feel way older than i look.

Genetics play a good role, but since i am always trying to hide how i feel. I bop into he office saying high to everyone. Always a big smile, even when i just want to cry. Now my wife, well she always has the angry bitch face. People dont ever mess with her, she has ptsd but refuses to let...

I understand, i am on effexor but its not great, i cant come off because my depression deepens. But i tried every drug, Rexulti was amazing, i loved feeling normal, not that grey nothingness and the want to feel abd enjoy life. But as all drugs the side effects were horrible. I have permanent...

Meant to say panic comes up.

OMG. DO I HATE THAT Question. But it comes from my psychiatrist. I have been on so many drugs, worked well and then stopped. I fight depression but i am high functioning. I want to punch him in the face. LOL, i am so non confrontational, but its a thought that runs through my mind.

I have always heard high frequency sounds in my ears and when my pain goes up even from childhood the ringing would get louder and make it tough to understand what is being said.

Sorry you go through that. When it happens i feel like i lost ground. Moving backwards, besides being so embarrassing. Thank you for your input.

Wow, not knocking your list, but what about connecting? Trauma makes us want to control everything and that doesnt move us forward. That keeps us in a tight little safe space. Are you sure your not avoiding relationships? If your sure that is not an issue. As you said you are the paying...