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I do not know what to do in your situation because I do not have DID. You can try to explain to the four year old before making plans that it may or may not happen but you're going to hope that it does. If it doesn't happen you can offer the four year old an alternative fun thing to do?

I have been in your situation. I had to move back in with my perpetrator at one point in my life as well. I would say that feeling like an intruder is much better than worsening PTSD and feeling like you're back in the abusive situation. Just my opinion.

I understand how you feel! It took me years to ask for help. I was afraid of rejection and I am also horribly embarrassed by my situation. Most of my friends don't know.

@EveHarrington that is what my psychiatrist told me. VERY slow taper. She still believes I'll have enough time.

True and my psychiatrist is the one who wanted me in this study, so she's going to help with that process. And the meds I'm on I've only been taking for a couple of weeks. except for klonopin, I've been on that for 9 years and we were already going to start weaning me off of that next week.

@Searching4Self I'm totally excited! I hope I'm not in the control group. Only issue is that I have to get off of ALL my medications, but not until summer. I just had my student loans written off because of a "total and permanent disability" maybe not permanent anymore.

I am getting into the MDMA PTSD study this summer! They just emailed me about an hour ago. They're in their third trial and in the second trial 60% of those receiving the MDMA (not in the control group) no longer scored high enough to be diagnosed with PTSD! Wow, my day has turned around...

@Justmehere Thanks for the advice :-)

@hithere I am not suicidal. My therapist is afraid I'll have a flashback if we focus on the trauma, but after today I would say that if that's true it's because I don't have any coping skills to avoid the flashback. My coping skills are dissociation, distraction, and grounding myself. That is...

Good to know.

So after that long discussion determining that my current therapist is not what is best for me, I found out that my psychiatrist also does psychotherapy. Would it be appropriate to ask her to treat me?

@Still Standing Thank you for being so supportive. And thank everyone for saying what needed to be said. Okay, I took a step and emailed a trauma therapist. I have no idea what's going to happen, because I will probably be afraid to talk to her, but it's a step in the right direction.

Me too. It's going to be hard, but if I ever want to be a functioning human being I need to listen to EVERYONE who has commented. I've sort of known it for a while. I've always believed I was stuck because my PTSD is so severe, but now it's starting to sound like it's because I'm not getting...

Good question. I'm wondering the same thing now. It's a tough realization to come to.

You're right. I know you're right. It's just hard, but nothing about PTSD is easy. I'll take steps to get recommendations from my psychiatrist.

Wise words. Thank you. You are all making good points. I have been thinking the same things, but it's so hard to do, to separate from her. Maybe I'll ask my psychiatrist for a recommendation of a good therapist who takes medicare. It takes me so long to trust people, though. What if I just...

True, I am so bonded with her and she's really the only parental figure I've ever had that has been there for me no matter what. It's hard to make a change because I can't lose that. @Suzetig My psychiatrist is making me question what I'm accomplishing in therapy. She's always asking me what...

@Still Standing good points. I started thinking about it when my psychiatrist asked me what I was doing in therapy to deal with the flashbacks, and I can honestly say that the only thing we do is EFT. I can't do flashbacks on my own, because I need my therapist to do EFT with me...I love her...

@Fionas74 My therapist specializes in PTSD. I happen to re-experience my trauma without help from her multiple times a day most days.

I'm just wondering what people think of this...My therapist has been my therapist off and on for 27 years. I've never seen anyone else. When I was 13-28 I refused to tell her who abused me and refused to talk about it. When my son was born it became overwhelming, so I finally told her that it...

@hithere Thank you for your kind words. I'm going to find a way to remember him some way at home, like putting up pictures or something. Right now I'm in a crying phase. I don't know what comes next.

Just knowing that you cared enough to respond is helpful. You're probably right that they aren't erasing him. I just felt that way even at his funeral. His mom didn't come. She has a long road of healing ahead. I do not envy her at all.

@MoonCat welcome! I find it interesting that you put the word "only" in front of "process the memories and try to make the flashbacks and nightmares go away." That seems like quite the task for me. Is it easier now that you've been in therapy for a while?

@Tamm I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get the BEST therapist available.

Huh, okay. Makes sense. Thank you :-)