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  1. RussellSue

    Kittie's Journal

    I am sorry, Kittie. I missed all of this. Previously, you mentioned that your boyfriend didn't handle crying well. As someone with PTSD who does cry, it concerned me. So, I can't say that I am not a little relieved for you, though broken relationships are hard and I am sorry for what you are...
  2. RussellSue

    Group Hug

    Thanks! I needed that! 🤗
  3. RussellSue

    My Crash, His Crash

    Yesterday, my husband had superhero confidence, and the track record to go with it. Today, he's a wreck - overwhelmed with work and school, frustrated with all the little things that have to do with our strange little complicated life here in New Mexico, and he feels like a failure at everything...
  4. RussellSue

    One Trauma at a Time

    You know, I have evolved. I haven't arrived anywhere but I have seen a lot of improvement over the years. In a lot of circles, I am pretty durned messed up, still. I know that feeling of losing self but it isn't realistic because you never lose your experience but can hopefully lose some of the...
  5. RussellSue

    What small thing/s did you do today to chip away at your avoidance?

    I put in two applications to start as a remote volunteer writing/literacy tutor. I have a real problem with Zoom, Skype and cameras, in general. It's kind of right in the middle of me doing a lot of things I would like to do. So, here we go. I have done some small things to try and deal with...
  6. RussellSue

    Sufferer I'm New - Having trouble Grounding

    Hello and welcome. I use a weighted lap pad and it helps me a lot. Heat is extremely helpful for me to help me relax - I used to take lots of baths but now use a heating pad and sauna blanket. I do a lot of breathing from my diaphragm like they used to tell us to do in choir practice. Getting...
  7. RussellSue

    Kittie's Journal

    My mom, too. She has a terrible time with cars and can't sleep before a trip. I have a terrible time with her driving, so we travel well together with me behind the wheel, always. It's hard when you don't do it very often. I had a really hard time for a while but I used to force myself to...
  8. RussellSue

    Kittie's Journal

    I used to have to do that, too. Back in the days when you could sleep in a Wal-Mart parking lot, it wasn't so bad. I slept there a few times. It wasn't necessarily what I would have chosen but the lighting made it a little less scary than a lot of places. Course, some of the neighbors made it...
  9. RussellSue

    Kittie's Journal

    I hear that. The only good thing I have to say about injuring my hips in Portland last year was that I didn't do it just 3-4 months earlier in rural central Oregon where PT was an hour away and specialists were 2 hours away. I lived there for 14 years but I could not have afforded the gas to get...
  10. RussellSue

    Other More about Nerves

    I am sorry. That sounds terrible. I believe that @Lionheart also had a possible issue with spinal stenosis. Thanks. I guess I should, again. It astounds me how many conversations I have had with docs over the last 15 months or so, including one about a month before I posted this that landed me...
  11. RussellSue

    Kittie's Journal

    I lost the appropriate post to respond to but did want to say that I was on a daily benzo for about 4 years - Klonipin, I think, but have taken more than one benzo over the years - and I cut back and off of it in less than a month, if I remember correctly. I went through nasty, short-term...
  12. RussellSue

    Risk the crazy?

    Thanks. I have been applying to any and all grant writing positions/gigs that I come across that I appear to be qualified for but I feel pretty confident that there are an abundance of well-qualified grant writers out there who are also looking for anything that shows up. I've been paying...
  13. RussellSue

    For Those Who’ve Lost Everything... How Do You Want Your Life To Look? What Are You Building?

    I am pretty nauseated because I didn't take anything for pain when I should have. I am in bed and am sure I will be better tomorrow. This is the worst day I have had in a long time. Thanks for asking and have a good evening. 🐳
  14. RussellSue

    For Those Who’ve Lost Everything... How Do You Want Your Life To Look? What Are You Building?

    I'm feeling pretty self-conscious for upchucking all of that, earlier. My pain level was higher today than it has been in months. Sorry for the not-quite-all-relevant novel. I can't think right.
  15. RussellSue

    For Those Who’ve Lost Everything... How Do You Want Your Life To Look? What Are You Building?

    Oh shit. Here we go. My apologies in advance. I feel a rant/aggravated long post coming on. In June of 2021, it will be ten years since I lost Joshua, my second, now-deceased fiance. I took care of both Allen (when I was 21) and Joshua (when I was 30-31) while they were sick. The situation with...
  16. RussellSue

    Tired of Processing

    Oh, so you are really not processing! 😂 It's still a holiday weekend, right?? - Another good excuse
  17. RussellSue

    Tired of Processing

    It happens. Our brains aren't usually all that excited about processing, processing, and more processing. Mine takes a vacation without my consent after very much of that. And having a cold is a great excuse to take a vacation, anyway. 🐳
  18. RussellSue

    One Trauma at a Time

    No problem and what's that saying - it takes one to know one??? I get it. - been there, done that - still there, still doing that. But for some reason, seeing someone else do it is more likely to get my attention. Well, it sounds like we have a lot in common, then. I am guilty of the above, as...
  19. RussellSue

    Risk the crazy?

    I'm having a very hard time making decisions but I think I am whittling stuff down. A lot of things are pointing toward trying to work from home right now and realistically, I am probably qualified enough to get a local entry-level fundraising job where a dozen or two dozen people might apply...
  20. RussellSue

    One Trauma at a Time

    I don't know. Hopefully, you are just hungry. You really are an amazing writer. You are also covering a lot of very painful ground here. You mentioned an EMDR app and I cannot help but feel some fear for you. It seems like you are pushing hard to get through a whole lot of hell, very quickly...
  21. RussellSue

    What are you good at???

    I'm trying to lose my cane for the long haul at present because I have issues with my shoulders, too, and can't really use the cane without making my shoulder hurt, so I am avoiding walking sticks for that reason. If it weren't for that, I might use one as my cane does help with the pain in my...
  22. RussellSue

    Chat, check-in, and hang out

    Recently I have just been taking a multivitamin, but that's mostly because we aren't totally settled, yet. I usually do take regular doses above the multi of vitamin D and Calcium and have some of both sitting in my vitamin basket but consistency just hasn't made it to our new home, yet. So far...
  23. RussellSue

    Chat, check-in, and hang out

    I assume I could because it lowers my anxiety and anxiety is why I struggle with concentration. I have been doing it in the evening, though, so I can't say for certain.
  24. RussellSue

    Chat, check-in, and hang out

    I have been pleasantly surprised at what writing things down for a while can uncover. I hope that you can unravel some mysteries with this that help you to get them slowed down. Intrusive thoughts suck.
  25. RussellSue

    Chat, check-in, and hang out

    Lol! I suppose it is. Yes, I think that is it. I have discovered that I can't be comfortable in some social environments, no matter what I do, and places where those people and God knows who else are there with their societal rules, the lack of safety I feel is pretty astounding. A lot of...
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