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@Hope4Now, if you can get your "inners" to respond via firm but gentle requests, that's best. But, if that doesn't work, sometimes being very firm works, as in "Stop!" or "Enough!"; this is based on a concept called "thought stopping". In general, you do with your "inners" what you do with...

The result of having a narcissistic parent(s), oftentimes. This is much of my problem as well. I don't have my own identity -- my identity becomes what I think others want it to be, in order to gain acceptance, affection, etc., and, more primitively, as a means of preventing abandonment. I...

I could use a pub myself, right about now. Unfortunately, I get the alternative of listening to my son shoot-up the house with his nerf gun. I think I'm going to invent a new drinking game -- every time he cocks the rifle, I get to drink a shot.

I didn't say I liked the idea of group hugs in group therapy. ;) In fact, when I've considered this possibility in my mind, my emotional reaction, in the past has been off-the-charts rage and distrust. I don't think it would be like that now, but it wouldn't be all puppies and flowers, at...

I'm sorry you're struggling so much now. The anger is probably a good thing; I would guess that you never let yourself get angry, that you always make excuses to avoid anger, and suppress it. Now you're starting to let it out, feel it. It means you're recognizing you have boundaries and...

I think it might be "controversial" in the US largely because Americans are such damned prudes and puritans. ;) And American men often view touch, beyond a basic handshake, as a form of weakness (although this is beginning to change some). For me, it's signifies "need" and "dependence", and...

When I first started trauma therapy, I spent enormous amounts of time on it. Just like you, I was in problem solving mode. And when I have a juicy problem to work through, I jump in feet first and give it everything I can. Over time, though, I began to accept something that my therapist had...

Regarding what I said about my therapist suggesting I lay-off the reading, she was only referring to reading about theory, not about practice, which sounds like the type of books you have. She suggests focusing on the doing, not the mechanics. :) I wish I could find more books about trauma...

I agree -- we are the sum of our parts. The parts cannot live individually on their own; they are not even separate identities -- they are only different aspects of a single identity. All people could be said to have many parts, and an executive function -- the "adult" -- that pulls them all...

In general, events of terror or shame hold the potential to cause trauma. However, there are many variables as to whether a person experiencing these events will become traumatized or not. Depersonalization and emotional numbing, as well as memory repression, are coping mechanisms to protect...

I can't say I've experienced exactly what you have. But, from reading about other's experiences, what you describe are clearly trauma responses. A situation where a parent that continues to wash a child after the child discovers his/her modesty is, at the very least, a form of personal...

I got shivers reading about how those thoughts entered your mind immediately after being triggered during the yoga. I suppose I empathize in some way. Sounds like you're doing some amazing work. :) Enjoy your concert tonight! The kids will figure things out for themselves. Of course, it...

Brilliant. When I was teaching, this was a very important way of keeping the attention and interest of the kids, as well as helping to maintain some "mystique" that helped with discipline. But I never thought about doing this with adults, in this context. I think I will have to try this. :D

Pencil said in two sentences what I tried to say in 5 paragraphs. :banghead: So much for brevity on my part. This one is going into my "book of wisdom". :D

A lot for me to catch-up on! :) First of all, I really feel for you @Echo. It's absolutely terrible that you had to face this kind of entry into the world. I think the problem of one's own needs feeling "dangerous" is a common problem for those who've suffered emotional trauma. I think that...

This has always been a significant problem for me. I've always had problems with energy and "sleepiness". But, like you, I wasn't really tired. There are times I've felt like this, and tried to nap, but couldn't actually fall asleep. Yet I was too fatigued to do anything. Other times, I...

An unbelievably toxic situation. No wonder the pain returned -- you're caught between a rock and a hard place, having to negotiate the interests and needs of multiple people -- except yourself, of course. This is much of my life, too. :) My mother is not quite so bad (although, give it a few...

No rest for the weary. ;) The illness spread through my house the same way -- first my son, then, two days later, my daughter and me. Unlike me, though, they each beat it in 12 hours; took me 3 days. :shifty: Not a great selling point for age. As for your 3 yo, my therapist tells me that...

This is perhaps what your 3 yo would be afraid of -- the abandonment. Because, if whatever is hidden is awful enough, your first inclination will be to avoid it. It could be something that, cognitively, as an adult, you'd find tolerable to face, possibly even innocuous. But what's stored...

Very helpful to read about what your therapist says, and how you are dealing with the overwhelm. Making notes for myself. :) Sorry there's so much toxic stuff. Amazing what gets hidden, and how much, and how incredibly bad it is when it reemerges. I hope the start of your week goes better. :)

Seems I was channeling my inner pirate when I wrote this. "me" should have been "my". ;)

Never considered this possibility before, that my "inners" might see me as one of my parents, both of whom were problematic when I was a kid. It's not pleasant to open-up doors that were long-ago locked and sealed against what lay behind them, to relive things you wanted to forget. Those...

This is me, in a nutshell. 75% of the time I'm content to be by myself, working on my own stuff, reading, or just thinking and meditating. The remainder of the time I want to be around people -- usually people I'm really comfortable with. And, every so often, I like to be around lots of...

For my part, it is infinitely easier to help someone else than myself. ;) And, when I'm hurting, being able to offer assistance to others can sometimes be helpful. But the best thing about a forum like this is that we aren't all hurting at the same levels, at the same time, usually. So...

Yes, very much so. Same with the trust. Once you build-up trust with these protectors, through compassion and tolerance and "being there" when they are hurting, the trust increases and they become more and more willing to reveal things. At least this is what my therapist tells me. ;) But, in...