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Basically, it seems like you are being hard on yourself, because everyone else in your family has been hard on you. It makes sense, they taught you to invalidate your feelings and minimize your abuse. But that doesn't mean you can't learn a new, healthy way to relate to yourself. None of this...

I'm sorry that depression has you so stuck, whiteraven. I wish I could lift that terrible weight off your shoulders. Unfortunately, the best I can do is be here, and remind you that you are not alone and this won't last forever. Sending you hugs and warm thoughts.? More self-soothing ideas...

Hi, Jeff/Abby. I wish I had words of comfort for you, but I know from experience that there are no words that can begin to touch the heartache you are going through. I am so sorry you are in this heart-wrenching position. Sending you hugs. ?

Hi, GuyBloke. What you are describing is definitely childhood sexual assault (CSA). I'm very sorry that this happened to you. Seeking therapy with someone who has training and experience working with people who have experienced childhood sexual trauma is probably your best option for...

Wishing you a great day, as well. ☺

Hi, juno. I edited my earlier reply, my lack of sleep is messing up my ability to keep stuff straight. I was confusing your situation with someone else's, and combing your experience with theirs. That is why I wrote "brother." Sorry for my mistake.

Don't worry about the length you have so much to process, and it seems like maybe you haven't had much of a chance to get everything out in the open to look at it. It might help you to look-up some information about healthy families. Then search for information about emotionally abusive and...

Hi, whiteraven. You are on here connecting with others, so please don't feel badly that it's not possible for you to exert the energy to do more. Depression is exhausting. Be kind to yourself. What do you think you might need in order to do just one of these self-soothing things that you...

I see so many red flags popping up that I've lost count. Just because your brother overtly abused 4 times, to your awareness/acknowledgement , doesn't mean it wasn't "that bad." How many times would it had to have happened in order for you to acknowledge it was bad? Because even if it "only"...

Yes, being around others can feel overwhelmingly unsafe, when you have PTSD related anxiety. PTSD is a pain. Dealing with debilitating depression and/ or anxiety is a pain. I wish you peace and calm, truthful_whispers. ?

You're welcome, whiteraven. ?

Wow, you are dealing with a lot. Is there a way to call your therapist? Maybe do sessions on the phone? I don't know you're situation, but my psychologist and I have sessions over the phone. I actually drive to the park, sit in my car, and we have sessions that way. The other thing, you are...

Sounds like you're on the right track and doing much better than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes we ghost, because we can sense someone isn't the safest, and we don't know any other way to end things. I know I've done this before.

Sometimes we ghost after we have over-shared, too soon. This might not be the case for, you but it might be something to consider.

Hi, rumor. You don't have to apologize. You needed to get that junk out of your head in order to process it and deal with it. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and not much support. I'm glad your reaching out to get more support. It's healthy to reach out for help, but only when...

Hi, rumor. Even if you don't have PTSD, there are many things on this site that can help with other things such as depression and anxiety. Also, keep in mind, if you haven't opened-up to your therapist about any past trauma you may have experienced, you won't be diagnosed with PTSD. That is...

Hi, whiteraven. I'm sorry you are depressed and forced to self-isolate. Isolation, whether self-imposed or mandated by the government, just makes depression worse. Try to remeber: Depression is very difficult on its own. This social isolation stuff is just contributing to your depression...

Hi, HannaD. I agree, sharing that you have PTSD is not a good place to start. Perhaps you can open-up about an aspect of your PTSD. For example, you might divulge that a particular thing causes anxiety. Pick something that isn't a trigger or too stress/anxiety producing. Choose something...

Hi, Kaylove498. Nothing stays the same. Everything is changing. So, no, you can't go back. But the good news is that the way you're feeling now, the emptiness the death inside, will not always permeate your soul. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I know it sucks. Just take comfort in...

Rest. You need it. Those other things can wait. If you find that you regularly run out of energy before you get everything done on your daily to-do list, maybe it would be helpful to reduce the number of things you put on your list each day. It does ourselves no favor to set...

Hi, Gmork. I'm glad you are reaching out for help. That is a sign that you are not hopeless. So, know that: You are not hopeless. It's very normal to be concerned that someone who abused you/was violent toward you before, might do it again. I think that part of the hypervigilance stems...

Scrambled eggs, hazelnut coffee, and a powder-sugar doughnut with chocolate cream filling. My son brought the doughnut to me this morning, before he headed into work. So, I had to eat it.?

More self-soothing ideas: Coloring (coloring books are great for this either children's coloring books or the adult ones) Taking a hot shower or warm bath (not soothing for me at the moment, but it used to really relax me) Organizing something (start with something small, such as your purse...

Hi, grit! You are spot on, judging ourselves is the opposite of self-soothing. So, it's a great place to begin, if we find we are repeating the adult-abusers messages to ourselves. Internalizing the messages our abusers used to control and condemn us is something I think everyone who has...

From everything you are describing, it sounds like you might be overwhelmed. Which is very understandable. You've been through trauma. That is overwhelming. By the way, saying "only" to describe your abuse is a way to minimize it. Minimizing your trauma will not make it any less real or...