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Had my second guitar lesson today. I was really nervous about it because I didn't practice as much as I would have liked but at least I did practice. My teacher was pleased with my progress nonetheless. He said I could play what he thought I'd be able to learn in a week. He also told me that...

Well, today is thanksgiving. I went over to my in-laws' house and ate myself sick. I am really fortunate to have plenty in my life and to have really nice parents-in-law. My sister-in-law is another story. She is 36, unemployed (and has always been unemployed- never held a job down for more...

I hope things go well for you and your cat tomorrow. She sounds like a great companion and I hope she keeps you company awhile longer.

I woke up early this morning, most likely because I went to bed super early last night. The panic attack yesterday took a lot out of me. I was still preoccupied with the group from yesterday so I pulled in the big guns- my friend M who is an actual licensed therapist. M and I have been...

Went to my other group tonight, the one run by my T. Had a panic attack during this one but not entirely sure what set it off. It took me the length of the entire article we were reading on mindfulness to ground enough to open my eyes. I still feel really anxious. I think the truth is that I...

Tonight's IOP group was rough. The topic was self-care. I don't do well with this area and I know this but I figured it would be okay. One of the other people talked about how he lacks self-compassion. I spoke up and said that I do too. I recalled a conversation I had with my T back in...

I feel this. I also wish I had the magical answers to help figure out the problems of others. I don't think any of us have the sorts of problems that can be solved, at least not in the short term. Perhaps it's the math teacher in me that wants to solve problems but unfortunately people...

I've been really conflicted lately and I've been musing about something for a few days. I'm going to see if writing about it helps me work this out. I want to take a break from the group therapy run by my T. I've been really angry at my T since Wednesday because he was nice to me. I've been...

Sometimes we have needs that aren't being met, perhaps in your case it's companionship. I know for me, I'm willing to turn a blind eye or two to other issues to get that need met in an unhealthy way. I know I've engaged in relationships (both romantic and purely platonic) that were bad for me...

I had my first guitar lesson today. It was nice to see an old friend. He asked me what I wanted to play. I told him I just want to play the guitar. So, he's taking advantage of my opera background and having me start with some classical guitar music. He probably doesn't get to teach...

I'm glad to hear that your appointment went well. I hope you find that poem useful in calming yourself. I almost never leave therapy with answers but I tend to leave with questions that help me find the answers as I reflect on them independently. Here's hoping you can find the answers you...

Well, I resisted the urge to look at my school email most of the day. That's a pretty solid accomplishment. I did not do any actual work today. My husband bought me some sushi, some chips and my favorite dip, my favorite cake (vanilla with buttercream frosting- I'm quite boring this way...

I talked to L about how I was feeling. Despite having taught herself now for 16 years, she often feels like a fraud too. Maybe my feelings about my teaching abilities are more normal than I thought. Since tomorrow is my birthday, L sent me some beautiful flowers. She said she wanted to do...

I feel like I'm living two lives. In the one life, I am this happy, productive person who does tons of things for tons of people. I've gotten tons of accolades over my 8 years of teaching (technically on year 8 now) and even a job offer based on parents observing how great my teaching skills...

Got some real work for school done this evening. I find myself wanting to climb into bed and nest underneath my new weighted blanket. I do find it comforting. My T responded to my email telling me to reach out to him if I need to. My initial reaction was to scowl and think that I won't be...

I don't have any advice, despite being quite well versed on autism. But this sounds painful and I'm so sorry you're going through this. You deserve a loving thoughtful mother. I'm sorry that she is incapable of being that person for you at this time (and in the past).

Well, last night's group was meh. Lots of new people. I don't like new people. So I said absolutely nothing. I felt incredibly out of place. They were joking and having a great time. I honestly couldn't wait to leave. I've seen new people in group before just disappear after one session...

Today has been a day when I had to pull up my big girl pants and deal with some things. My new co-teacher went waaaaaay over time, again, in our class. We're supposed to be off ZOOM by 8:45 but he's been teaching much longer than that. At 9:17, I spoke up and said that we needed to end as the...

I had a conversation with L after realizing one of my big obstacles with committing to therapy. She said that if I can't commit to therapy for my own sake (and she hopes I can get there one day), that I should commit for my husband's sake. She said he deserves a good wife as he is a very good...

I think I've had an epiphany this afternoon so I wanted to write it down so I can remember it. I was reading through Reddit, which is generally dangerous for me because there are so many stories about bad/unprofessional therapists and I'm not exactly rock solid with my own therapy (despite...

@ladee , In general, I'm really good at committing to things. I'm thinking about this now and I've never made any real commitment to myself that I've been able to keep. Shoot, I quit smoking years ago and never looked back, no last one, nothing. The problem is, when I quit smoking, I did it...

My fear levels have been so high today. I keep trying to block them out and focus on work or chores or on positive things but it's not working. I hate that I constantly feel this way these days. I got my guitar out yesterday and it needs new strings. The old strings had rusted through. I...

I think you should take some time to think over these concerns. Just because he accepted your quirks doesn't mean you have to accept his. You both should be comfortable with the parameters of your life. When I first started dating my husband, it was a deal-breaker if he didn't want to have...

@ladee , that's fine to offer encouragement- it makes me smile. Also, I think I may have convinced my husband (mostly) that we really should get a dog. He's been downstairs looking through the offerings at the local animal shelters to see what's out there and smiling to himself. We have to...

I did something positive for myself yesterday. I finally got over my anxiety and asked my friend about taking guitar lessons with him. I was worried about asking him because I didn't want him to think I was trying to get lessons for free. As a former musician myself, I would never ask a...