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Saffy, I am on the same page as you. Being moral has been a very important part of my life ever since I made mistakes six years ago. I was trying to deal with all of my trauma as well as find myself and my behavior was out of the ordinary. After that happened, I developed a strict way of...

Sailorgal, I consider losing a job similar to someone getting cancer. Yes, it could lead to death. However, it may not. Losing a loved one is set in stone. With losing a job, at least there is still a chance even if the odds are really really slim. Timid_flower, sometimes I wonder if I'm...

Yes, I think losing a job is easier to get over than losing loved ones. You can get another job. You can't get your loved ones back. Just my opinion.

I'm examining my rationale and I notice that I am holding on to the pain. I know that there is something wrong with me. I'm glad that your best friend perservered through the difficult situation. After both of my parents passed, I changed my grades to a 4.0, lost 30 pounds, and completed three...

Sailorgal, I understand where you are coming from in regards to someone's passing from genocide is different than passing for health reasons. However, one aspect that is hard to accept and process is witnessing the actual physical scene. I saw my mother in a coma state for a week. Then, two...

Thanks for the book referall. In my last therapy session, my therapist recommended the book. I'm going to look into it, but from what I've gotten from it so far, Viktor Frankl believes in God. I have trouble accepting a god when there are children suffering and dying slowly right now. It's hard...

Kim500, thanks for helping me keep things in perspective.

Saffy, seeking validation seems like a waste of time. The personal satisfaction of being yourself is much stronger than the hate from others, IMO. :)

My support system is my therapist, a few friends, and this forum is also a good place to talk. After my parents passed, I quit relying on outside sources for support. The best metaphor is it's like I'm a samurai living on his own. After losing things so dearly, it's hard reconnecting. You're right.

I am self conscious, but I think it is a realistic level of being self conscious. I'm not a superficial person. I experimented and focused on being less self conscious and I actually felt more depressed. :O_o:. It is something I haven't perfected, but I don't think it is the problem. I think...

Agreed. The problem is that I have the belief that fighting for what I believe in is a dead end road. It might be the depression talking from cynics, my parents' passing, and other tragedies. There are a lot of things that I love to do, but I'm at the point where I feel like the pain will...

I agree. I focus on myself because it seems like most people won't care about what I do anyway. The tragedy is that I actually thought they would care. I thought what I did and do is special. Lack of response can lead to feelings of anger. I think the kind of person I am is someone that wants to...

Sometimes I think it is my environment that is hindering me. I had a breakdown in this environment six years ago. When I'm around that environment again, it seems like my depression turns on. Yes, my lifestyle has changed. I am not sure how I am going to be able to get back to a very productive...

timid_flower, I haven't gotten revenge, but it is hard getting back to normal for me. Sailorgal, I think part of it has to with reconnecting to what I used to do. I used to eat very healthy. I used to be in college. I use to be more social. I use to go out much more. I use to work toward a...

The environment I live in is a trigger. It keeps old memories alive. I don't know why my depression has persisted for so long... What I'm trying to achieve right now is just a stable feeling that I am sane (according to my own standard and possibly society's). There's a lot of pent up emotions...

Yep. I agree with you. Awesome analogy. The feeling will be of freedom. Also, the PTSD could be similar to Plato's Allegory of the cave. The shadows are the PTSD. Sooner or later, I'll realize what the shadows really are. Glad you're feeling optimistic :).

yep, with self trust comes better trust in relationships.

I feel like I'm climbing a cliff. Pretty soon, I'll be at the top and I'll be able to rest. However, when I get there, I feel like I will be weaker. Is this just an illusion? I hope it is. This climb is very painful.

Thanks for the insight. What concerns me is that this behavior s correlated with how society operates. I'd like to be a part of society, unique in my own right, but not an outcast. Finding this balance can be a challenge.

Saffy, I feel like those people want me to conform to them or pamper them. It's hard if I have opposing viewpoints as them. I think any change is considered threatening by the average person. So, in turn, the person would consider what you are doing is wrong. I think if you are able to be...

I think it's only normal to question yourself. From my experience, it seems that people like you and me hold morality in a high regard. We tend to focus on acting morally. I think it varies with each person. I think it can be a mix of nature and nurture. For example, a sociopath can act immoral...

Bilby, yes I feel worse on holidays (particularly Thanksgiving and Christmas). Sailorgal, yes I revert back to my parents deaths or the situation I'm currently in. I don't know how to heal my wounds if I keep licking them. timid_flower, the alternative would be to get revenge on all of those...

I think you're right. It seems like guilt can cause the side effect of being too nice... like thinking that you will mess up if you follow your gut. For me, at least, it seems this way.

Many times, I think it's just me. I feel like people have seen a depressed guy expressing himself for six years. I'm not doing this for anyone else anymore, I'm doing it to save my life. Then I can be reinvolved. I know that people can say "who cares what anybody thinks, do you". However, when...

I'm with you. With PTSD, you tend to see people as much more selfish. One aspect that I need to get taken care of is that I feel like I am too nice... like it is damaging the way that I live. It probably has to do with my mental stability. The less mentally stable I am, the nicer I am... It's...