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The PTSD part of me feels like I don't get cared enough by people, but I think it is probably the PTSD talking. I tend to see things negatively and it's hard to get out of that mindset, especially if you believe it. Hoefully, it's just depression talking.

I don't want to expect anything from anybody. I just want my mental stability back. I want to feel better. I think if I felt better, things would fall into place. It's frustrating not being there.

It's kind of hard to explain. Even though it's not on purpose, I feel like I have a deep seated anger. An anger that keeps me distant from people. I'm not sure if it was because I witnessed the loss of both of my parents or how my relationship was with my older brother or feeling rejected by...

Yes, or I'd have to give in to behaviors that I don't want to. Also, I have an underlying feeling that things won't work out because of all that happened in my past.

Yes, I feel like I am holding myself back because I may behave in ways that I don't want to or I may go off the deep end. With Prozac, therapy, and learning, it seems like I'm reclaiming my stability and the aspects that were darkened by depression. Honestly, I want to feel like I have all of...

Every time I try to fight it, I wig out. It always feels like I should just lace up my boots and do what everybody else is doing. Then, when I start taking action, my brain goes, "No! No! You're not stable!" It's sad because sometimes I think there is nothing wrong with me and other times I...

Recently, I've been a lot more tired. Also, I feel more lethargic. I feel like I'm gaining more mental stability, but seeing a realistic end in sight is something I'm concerned about. I always feel like there is nothing wrong with me and I am sabotaging myself. The other part of me thinks that...

Thanks for the kind words Lady Vet. We share a similar approach. The philosophy of stoicism preaches to "live according to nature". It seem that you are doing that. Doing what will naturally make us feel better seems like the right path.

Bilby, I will try talking about other things. I will also continue to listen. My memories and feelings have many important things to say. I'd like to believe that my father can hear me, but I lost faith after realizing the reality of what happened. That is something totally different that i have...

Sailorgal, I think about the times I had with my father. However, the pain associated with how he passed is hard to get over. I am getting better though. My older brother handled the estate. Bilby, yes I do talk to my father in my mind. I usually say that I miss him. I know that it's not him...

Thanks. I lost my mother when I was 15 and lost my father when I was 17. You said that death can lead you into asking questions that will never be answered and wondering how life could be so very cruel. I wouldn't go so far to say never. I think there can be a way to overcome trauma and find a...

I'm sorry about your brother's passing, Bilby. Also, in a previous post, you told me that you lost your father. I'm glad there are other people on this forum where I can share similar feelings. It's hard for me to understand why i haven't been able to accept my father's death. Intellectually, I...

I open up to my therapist. Honestly, it seems like a futile attempt to try to talk to people about the severity of both of my parents deaths. I told one of my older friends about my past, and he no longer is my friend. I think we grew apart. My story is just too horrific for people to lend any...

Yes, but not a cure all. It helps me enjoy life even if I am suffering.

I tried distracting myself for six years through work, having a girlfriend, making music, etc. I thought by doing those things, the PTSD would go away. Now, I accept it and am battling it. It can be defeated. For the time being, I'm keeping my friends close but my enemy closer (PTSD/depression).

Yeah, the support is helping me open up. :)

I think through time you can get an idea of how much information you should divulge to someone. From my experience, even if certain people seem like they would empathize with what you say, some will be deceptive and shun themselves away after the conversation. I opened myself up to one of my...

Sailorgal, my goal right now is to regain mental stability. I think for six years, I haven't been able to live mentally stable because the depression was so strong. Just having the awareness that you are mentally stable is a blessing. It is probably one of the most important factors in life. I'm...

I'm sorry that you are feeling worse. I'm concerned about my state. I have isolated for about a year now and I don't know how to get out of this. I remember when I had this will and feeling that I belonged. I was fighting toward something. Now, what I constantly think about are how horrible both...

Honestly, sometimes I think people know that there is something wrong with me. I'm trying to get back into the same level of normalcy as others. I only say this because it is hard for me to be involved in life. It used to not be much of a challenge. I honestly think that I'm too hesitant on...

Katb, I'd follow what you think is right.

Timid_flower, throughout the years, people have deleted me on Facebook. It's people that I suspect would. However, I'm surprised with others. I thought that I was actually cool with those people. It seems like those people want me to behave in a certain way and for some reason I behave...

llama69, I hope things work out for you in the future. From my experience, witnessing death took a toll on me. When I was 15, my mother had a brain aneurysm and was hospitalized for a week before she was let go. Two years later, my father passed away from a massive heart attack and I witnessed...

I just want to add that I got to a point where I had to confront my issues. What happened in my life just didn't add up. It felt like I achieved and experienced much less than what I should have. After the traumas, I've always had this feeling that my life isn't turning out the right way. This...

I think in life people have up times and down times. I think that I'm just at a down time. People want to associate with me when I was at my up time and it's hard to reenact. The people that are with you through the seasons are true friends. What keeps me confident is acknowledging that I'm...