Search results

Feeling a bit more alive. Might even play video game today. I have a great group I play with. Many with mental illnesses as well so they understand if someone is missing a few days etc because they are visiting hell's lobby.

Woke up durring the night. Somehow my thought upon waking was of someone doing a photo project about childhood abuse survivors but the pictures were of the stuffed animal the person slept with being hugged by the person the picture was about. No people's faces, just hugged and well loved...

This one is after Santa Monica on the CD I have. I'd listen to it after my walk. "Don't fall down now, you will never get up"

I used to run away to the beach when I was getting sober and listen to this. Walking on the beach in a pair of combat boots. This had so many meanings to me. I had to be my mothers crutch at times. Etc with others. Time to pack up and leave everyone occupying my head and making me drink behind.

When you do some work involving your inner child in therapy the day before and decide to comfort her by playing solitaire alone and start hearing my husband doing dishes as my father downstairs smashing plates. Had to reassure by going downstairs and seeing who it was.

Nothing. I'm guessing maybe I'm depressed. I've felt like I've wanted to numb out. And here I am actually numb and it doesn't feel numb enough. Hoping this gets better somehow.

Belated Merry Christmas everyone.

Hope I guess. I'm trying to move forward. I was deeply depressed yesterday. Possibly partly because I don't see my family though it's been a few years since they saw me last and they are no good for me. Also this is when I was pregnant with my child my parents forced me to abort at 18...

@PURUSHA love that " give me the naked bones and I can work with that" I need a healthy ammount of confidence in myself. Both for dealing with my possibility of having a job and for feeling I can and will be able to manage my ptsd and bipolar symptoms enough to excell in the new job. I want...

Goodwill industries intake to find a job today. Second therapy session this week for more support. I'm taking steps to move forward while some pull me backward. My depression and anxiety don't want me to take the big step of finding a job. I can distract my depression and anxiety with simple tasks.

Hugs @Lionheart777 and anyone who needs it. Especially those with a trauma associated with today. Feeling focused so I'm reading my bipolar book my therapist recommended. And dreading the disaster prep it says I should do in case things get out of control. Have to make symptoms checklist...

:hugs: @PURUSHA and anyone else who needs it today. Reluctance - not looking forward to discussing some memories that talking to another family member clarified. But if I don't it will eat at me. Pain of holding on to this will be worse than letting it go and speaking of it eventually. Its...

When new things in your family history come up and going to therapy feels like answering for crimes you didn't commit.

No. She's my second aprn so hadn't seen me when I was first sober. She knows about it though. I've been doing ok with placebo of sparkling grape juice and non alcoholic beer. Not kidding myself that its got some alcohol in it still. When I'm in a depressed phase I have needed some other...

She believes that if I'm back on the welbutrin dosage that I might be more likely to tip into mania and after having found some foods like coffee bring me to a manic bit this weekend I can see why that's a concern. She has now said every other day for welbutrin on previous dosage. Ill start...

Overwhelmed. There's so much to learn about managing my emotional spikes. Need to change my diet even so things don't get out of control. And I know when I've slipped and lost it. Feel like I'm driving a stagecoach with two racing horses and I need them calmed and managed before I go off...

Listen to a meditation geared towards whichever thing I'm feeling after - anxiety , depression etc and I usually fall asleep for an hour after

My mothers cousin Dot. We had a good long talk about my family history and events. She also has ptsd from our family tree. She is a pastor and a kind loving person. Its fine with her if I'm not a religious believer. She knows everything I've been through and accepts me unlike my mother. I...

Hmm had possibly the same tea as you tonight. @Lionheart777. Hoping you are doing better. I'm waiting for my meds to kick in so I can sleep. Its been a long day. Added family history into my journal from a call to my mothers cousin. Saw a bigger picture of where abuse in my family has been...

Wondering where I go from here. I'm finding I'm missing some things that used to go on in my head before my secondary diagnosis and new med. They feel like they are up on a shelf I can barely reach and its good they are.

I was on it for a while. Yep it was like a vacation from the trauma nightmares. And recurring one where I was on a beach constantly fighting things that came to get me. Been a while since I've been on it.

How when I see my therapist next Tuesday she will tell me my husband's acceptance of all of my mental sh*t is a loving response. And I still have trouble accepting his response at face value. Sigh maybe someday it will sink in that no matter what he isn't going to reject me.

I'd say go for it. In the long run both you and your family may be better off when you are done and on to new career. If your wife sees this as a possibility even with the addition of debt then she sees it as worthwhile as well. Hoping all goes well for you. It sounds like where you are meant...