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Finances can be a touchy subject and I should have no issue but I screwed this up too. In some respects I was making overall progress but what an idiot I am to think it could last. If only I could cry I would be sobbing. I screwed up and didn't pay our car tax which was sent to an attorney who...

I had no idea what I was getting into when I went to see a therapist. My perception was really skewed- my mom is a retired psychiatric nurse which always confused me as to how she could help people and be so absent for me. I never envisioned going to talk. I was so naive and thought if I were to...

It does feel like the Matrix!! I think I need to go watch that movie again and take myself to an alternate reality. This experience is a bit surreal- as my day has gone on - it seems like I did just wake up and I am trying on new clothes and not sure if they fit yet. Comforting to hear that this...

kinda weird I would not consider myself strong -thank you

I am not sure what to think. Each T session is hard and yesterday was the worst (or the best) yet. I made some bigs connections/realizations - If this is hard to follow I previously posted my recent experience in my diary post Now I have to continuing moving forward. Everything seems really...

Hi - 1) no to FB friending. I don't do much with it anyway. 2) no gifts but after about a year she was going to be away for 3 weeks because her daughter was having a baby. I wanted to give her a gift for her daughter. I thought about it and then procrastinated. I felt horrible that I never did...

That is absurd. Sorry that you were told such a thing. I believe you will get the help you need but this was just wrong. Sorry this is such a hard time for you. Stay connected - here or call help lines -you can get through this. You have been "paying it forward" through your support on this...

I think it is involuntary but not sure why I really think that because I can do things so it doesn't happen as intensely. And I may be atypical because my dissociation is not really for long periods of time. When I first explained what happened - I said to my T that my mind skipped.. . I would...

I guess I was naive and didn't think much about it until somewhat recently. Now I do think I am reliant which brings me back to my control issues.

No but I like to believe so. Don't you think that because circumstances have been out of control in the past that it is important to do so now?

It is different for me to be forward thinking and then I started to fear what I did to get here. While it is worth it sometimes I question if I am really strong enough to handle it- but thank you

I am not sure what I think of this...but you may be right. Maybe I fool myself but I try really try to prepare myself and be in control.

Thank you for your reply. I find it frustrating in this situation. I had a very hard time even considering a med in the first place and parts of me have no idea how long. In a weird way - it feels like I am not controlling all the variables and I want too.

Yes - that was true initially but now I don't have that sense and I don't think meds are a forever solution. And you are right I don't think I really understand addiction- I was interchanging being dependent and being addicted-

In a recent conversation with a friend, she mentioned about the damage meds do to our bodies especially when taken for years. I have been taking Wellbutrin 300 XL for about 18 months and prior to that Remeron. On Wellbutrin I almost don't even notice I take anything. At times I have felt really...

Great resources - thank you. It sounds like you have been living and moving in the direction of health for quite sometime. I like to think of it as a direction because there is often more than one route and we all need to stop along the way and regroup before proceeding. Please be kind to...

A lot can depend on the people involved. When I started my job I did not tell my boss for 3 months anything but I kept my weekly appointments. It got to a point that I thought there was enough trust and I needed to explain why weekly I would go to yet another appointment. I basically said I...

Probably right on... I didn't think it really mattered if he knew because it is my issue to work out. Never occurred to me. Sounds very true. Ah ha moment... I have coped by anticipating the reactions of others and navigated situations to be extremely diplomatic (told I am really good at...

You shared lots of good information- (and the thought of it all brings up plenty of anxiety... but I did ask and seems like it would be an important topic to introduce.) I think my T knows there is much more going on for me than I have even been aware of. She has been gentle yet firm and says...

Well not really - my Dear Husband (DH) knows I have been in therapy weekly for 3+ years and that early in I was coming to terms with some CSA ... so much more has evolved that I have never told anyone about and I was certain it would have nothing to do with who I am now and I was never to speak...

I said yes by allowing it and have allowed it for so long - I believe he would be angry or at least I get impatient with myself that I this stirs up stuff for me. For me during a memory - I do not move ... it almost paralyzes me until it is over . That is a hard concept. Sex does not seem like...

I had to call in a wellness check on a couple of different occasions.- not sure what prompted yours but once I called one in on my mom who lives in another state and a post office in another town called me (her cell phone was in the purse) to say that her purse was found in a mailbox in the...

I am not sure what to think about this - thank you for responding and please don't be annoyed at my thought process. Yes - it is my body and I think I was in a bad mood when I initially posted - as I reread my post I sound whiney- really I guess was questioning the memories and feelings that...

Not sure if I could really equate this to being drugged. That is not a nice way to think about it. I don't protest just not into it. (That said afterwards I physically feel sick - like nauseous.i think this is because of the memories it stirs up.) I never innitiate sex which is probably why it...

Hmmm.... talking - that should be easy but it is really hard. I don't think I ever minded before but now it seems to affect me. I feel bad that I have changed the rules. I am not sure how fair I am being to him. There is some history here because I used to drink quite a bit and then I was more...