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I've heard it said that after a major break up you should be single for AT LEAST 50% of the time you were together. You need to go create a new self by yourself before being partnered is healthy. There's a fine line between being a supporter and being an enabler. I've had a hard time ending...

The thing is: even if you love him you can't change the fact that he is hurting you. Right now, your kids need to be your first priority. If someone is hurting *you* then they are hurting your kids because you being hurt... hurts your kids. You are part of a system now. You matter as more than...

It sounds like you are giving mixed messages. You won't give him $ then you buy him a bunch of food. I wouldn't be able to be consistent with that either. If you are done... Be done. Next time he shows up (following you around town?! Creepy!) tell him to leave you alone instead of rewarding...

Hey! Another Mother Runner here! *wave joyfully* Such a great book and life philosophy approach. It got me through my first marathon. <3 I feel like the topic has drifted just a little so I won't answer the original question straight on. It sounds like your husband *is* vaguely aware of the...

I'm glad Solara is supporting you in your certainty that you tried something that Totally Failed For You. I'm an annoying optimist (I try hard to be at least) and for me, when I find something that totally doesn't work I feel like, "Hey! I learned something. This (whatever it is) is Not For Me...

Moving can be hard and it can be really useful. (I moved a lot.) I hope this gives you a restart. Be patient with yourself in therapy. You've had a lot of years to learn coping methods for bad situations. It will take a long time to learn coping methods for good situations. It's a process...

In my opinion, schools are just not safe environments. I'm sorry that you are having problems there. I'm glad you are getting help with your dad molesting you. I prosecuted my father for rape. It was a really difficult experience. Are you going to press charges or are you just being put in...

Do what you need to do for you. Grief is hard. I hope the day improved.

Welcome, you aren't alone in being assaulted. My history is different in specifics because life is like that but I have similar stories. I have bad days. I've been in therapy for 30+ years and counting. I have days where the suicidal ideation is so intense I can barely see the people in the...

That sounds really hard. People are so hard.

Good for you. That's a big deal. :D

I worry about saying this, because it looks like self-promotion. I will be blogging on my personal sites but probably I won't be here much. I will have very limited internet time and I will probably barely have time to upload stuff I have written off-line and check email during my share of...

I am going on a 160 day road trip with my kids. My kids will be 7 and turning 5 on the trip. I'm more than a little crazy for doing this, but it will be wonderful. At this point I have arranged reservations for 128 out of the 160 days. That feels really exciting!! We leave in 11 weeks and 6...

Oof. Talking to someone else in the middle of a first appointment? Nope. Not ok. I'm sorry. Checking the phone?! Kick 'em to the curb.

@crystaltear, you totally didn't overshare. Totally cool. The thing is, rape fantasies are incredibly common even among those who have never been traumatized. I no longer feel ashamed that I have biological arousal when that arousal is a survival mechanism. That weird getting turned on by...

I like to have people acknowledge that the problem I'm facing is a hard one and they are confident that I will be able to solve it.

Alcohol is a depressant. It will make suicidal urges more intense. I use medical marijuana and I feel like it has saved my life. Other than that... It sounds like he is in a rough spot. Tell him to come talk to us. We'll listen. Lots of us have intense childhood rape histories. We can hear...

They say that early childhood sexual assault leads one way or another: frigidity or promiscuity. I was promiscuous. Yes, my sexuality is very shaped by my assaults. I've been very active in the bdsm community as a way of working through a lot of my issues around sex. For many years I was...

I'd offer hugs if you need them.

I'm glad it went so well. :)

I have a lot of strong feelings about this stuff. I have the kind of genetic background where I am probably more susceptible to PTSD than average. Lots of messed up psychological stuff in my family. Three generations in a row of suicide. Lots of depression/addiction/anxiety/violence. I had an...

I have PTSD and I have at times had different doctors/psychs tell me that they think I have Bipolar. When I get to trauma specialists they listen to me and say, "No--it's clearly not Bipolar. You only trigger off of things that remind you of traumas. You just have more traumas than average so...

I'm crossing my fingers for you today.

I find that a given therapy technique can be wonderful or awful depending on the therapist. Good luck.

I'm, uhm, actually pretty vain. I like a lot of things about myself. ;) Let's start with physical because women in our world are told not to be overly proud of their bodies. I love my body! I love my curly hair. It took many years to learn how to get along with my curly hair because I was silly...