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I really relate to this post. I can see things swirling down the drain these days, and the funny part is I don't really care. Day after gay goes by and I get nothing done.....and a voice reminds me that I have to pay the rent somehow. But somehow I can't get bothered about it. What's the worst...

I don't have one either--I just wrote that, because if I did, I'd be scared sh**less.

Not life as in the state of being alive, but the social-career-relationship-public image-reputation complex that has to be maintained in order to go outside everyday? Like, not only are you traumatized by your past, but you're also on the run from it in a very real sense. I mean I had this...

@EveHarrington, yeah, actually. I struggle with shame a lot. What is the book you are reading?

This is a question about attachment disorder, parental rejection, and the reenactments that happen in adult life. How do you accept that you will never be good enough for them (parents or whatever stand-in you've chosen to reenact the rejection)? I seem to have a deep 24/7 need to argue my case...

Yeah, @shimmerz, I've been thinking a lot about attachment disorder lately. It seems that a lot of us here have our complex PTSD inseparably bound up with attachment disorder, and it's sort of pointless for us to discuss them as separate disorders. The parental rejection was the master trauma...

This is where I'm just feeling my way around. I don't really know what part of me he feeds. It feels deep, nameless, unfathomable. On a more superficial level, it's definitely something to do with being "good enough." Good enough for what? Sometimes I think it's sexual love, but it's also social...

Good thinking. I'm trying to remember whether I actively avoided people who were nice to me--there weren't many owing to my profound social awkwardness from the isolation of my childhood. Yeah, but I feel like I do know the difference, but I still feel drawn to it. It's really weird how you can...

I think it would be negligence--I mean that is a pattern of behavior. And I think children perceive negligence as rejection, so someone who rejects you could be the stand in for the negligent parent.

Good points, @halflifeguy. Yes, older, but not as old as my dad.. Not exactly platonic, but not a spouse. Sexual attraction for sure. There are painful events and emotions connected to him and his memory in my mind, yes. Well, he was a psychopath like my father (diagnosed). And he had eyes...

Peer is unattainable. Also not exactly my peer--as he'd be quick to point out ;-)

Does anyone else think they might have adopted a stand-in to play their abusive/negligent parent in their adult life? I am obsessed with this person from a few years back. Some therapists have suggested that it all may really be about my father. My question is, if it's about my father, why...

Wow, @Justmehere, thanks for this insightful post. I didn't know that about catharsis not producing long term results. Isn't somatic experiencing a kind of catharsis? How does it differ from the kind of catharsis that is not effective in the long run?

Tried the couch. The benefit is you can get some stuff out that might be difficult or embarrassing to say to someone's face. Drawback is that without the difficulty and embarrassment, a lot of the cathartic effect is lost. I can lay on my couch at home and yammer this crap to no one in...

Tomorrow will be our fourth session, I believe. We are just getting to know each other. My goal is to lessen PTSD symptoms (I'm not so Pollyannic anymore as to expect a cure). The worst symptoms are constant, neurotic ruminating and involuntary convulsions when I relax. She said something about...

At my last session, my therapist said she wanted me to lay down on the couch and sit behind me while we talked. Up until then we had sat face to face, which is the only configuration I'd ever done in therapy. She said it would be easier for both of us if I got on the couch. I expressed some...

This is obviously complicated, but having an abusive partner around is the last thing someone with PTSD needs. I've also dealt with Asperger's people and was pretty much scarred from the experience both times. They are so selfish and insensitive, it's ridiculous. All I can say is I hope you get...

It's not that I want to ignore the distant past to focus exclusively on the more recent past. I just feel like if there is a memory going off like an alarm in your head, isn't that telling you something? Isn't this memory saying, "Me. Now. I'm ready to be processed. Ping!" Sure, there is...

....or about my mom. ....or about my early home environment. ....or the fact that I had no friends when I was a kid. Don't get me wrong. I had a horrible childhood, and I'm sure all of those things contributed to my current state of disrepair, but for once, can we just please, please, please...