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Scared sick. Literally. Stated out feeling nauseous at work up until 2am (either that or I'm finally experiencing morning sickness, joy). Then felt like my blood sugar was low, I was shaking like a leaf and now my body feels right - muscle cramps. Oh, the fabulousness of anxiety!

Feeling scared and alone. This past week, I went back home to a city full of constant horrible reminders of my past. I've tried talking to a handful of people about the experience, but always met with a cold shoulder. I've spent the last the nights hanging up the phone without getting a chance...

Yes many of those situations are considered sexual abuse. Some of them are reactions to having been sexually abused. Before I learned that I had ptsd and long before I recalled much of my trauma (there were a lot of black spots in my past), I was involved in stripping, running an adult website...

I have experienced this occurrence at various points throughout my life, lately these episodes have been stronger than ever. I lay down in bed intending to fall asleep, then at some point I am spacing out. I don't realize it until I notice my eyes are open, it's been a couple hours since I've...

@digger1 Thank you so much for the bit of added perspective on that. Overall, I would have to agree with you. The relationship is not abusive, despite everything we've been through, he always remains calm. I was seeing parenting in a very narrow minded view and jumping to conclusions, which is...

After a year and a half long distance (2 hours apart) relationship, I am considering throwing in the towel. Recently, I found out that I am five weeks pregnant. My boyfriend knows and has been supportive. We're both undergoing a lot of added stress because of this. However, being pregnant has...

@krimson Sounds to me like you are taking a step in the right direction. Afterall, acknowledgement is half of the battle with these things =D

@Vickki1000 Wow that post was incredibly information, so thank you so much for sharing that with me!

I've only been in my current relationship post trauma, it was an insurmountable stressor when I first met him - deciding whether or not I should tell him. The initial reason I met someone was solely to hide my trauma and start a fresh new life, but the more emotionally attached I became - the...

Cars.

My best friend (practically a sister). She has been the light in all of my darkness. She pushes me when others are afraid to. She makes me talk about the hard things. She doesn't judge me or treat me differently because of what I've gone through.

@TLight Thank you for your response. I am so sorry to hear about what happened with your marriage as that is one of my greatest fears. My boyfriend is an amazing guy involving everything except my ptsd. He reads everything I send him, but rarely shows me research he has done on his own. Nor does...

The light comes with finding a way to enjoy getting to know this new, stronger person that you've become. We could spend every day looking in the mirror and hating ourselves for being a self-centered, trauma obsessed, walking list of symptoms. But in reality, that isn't who we are becoming...

The other night, I experienced a short-lived flashback episode. It was visible and audible. My boyfriend was in the same room with me while it was occurring (as we were getting ready for bed), he asked during the episode "What is going on?" I told him it was nothing and that I would be fine once...

I've always experienced one of two things when trying weed. Usually it was hyper intense dissociation, then those feelings of "not mattering if I'd been murdered in the real world" let to intense panic and paranoia. It was so terrible the last time I smoked that I will never touch the stuff again.

Scared. Found out I may be pregnant and decided it was a good idea to start a fight with my boyfriend instead of telling him what was wrong. Always doing the wrong things.

In terms of tracking your dreams, I recommend using dreamboard. It's a unique website that allows you to track not only the story, but the emotions you felt during and upon waking. This was really useful for me for a period of time. I'm not typically great at remembering to write things down...

I should be a professional actor with the way I've learned to "fake it," both consciously and subconsciously. Sometimes lately I don't even realize that I am doing it. At first I thought of it as protecting other people in my environment. I'd constantly tell myself, "this isn't their burden to...

@Echo Thanks I've been great about being open and keeping my therapist in the loop with everything. She pressed me to discuss this at length with him (I just struggle with trying not to get overly upset). So again thank you for everything.

@Mouseshadow Thank you as well! I am honestly so happy I found this forum, helps me feel more grounded in situations such as this. I have tried talking to him extensively (more than I've expressed to family and close friends). I believe in dealing with these issues that my relationship comes first.

@Echo Thank you so much for helping me not feel crazy about this. He kept saying that I am wrong and he has every right to talk to this person if he wants to and thinks it will help. That only further made me upset. In my eyes, he has no right.. This is MY trauma and it hurts. I have shown him...

The problem that I keep running into is that I've tried educating him. To the point of feeling that I talk too much about it and stick my foot in my mouth. He always criticizes me saying I'm inconsistent or changing stories, when in reality my ptsd causes things to FEELING different every day. I...

My boyfriend and I have obviously dealt with a tremendous amount of issues revolving around my ptsd. I'm sure you all know the classics: emotional outbursts (anger, saying the wrong thing, delayed emotional reactions), dissociating when I need to be present for us, my flashbacks and blackouts...

Got a massage yesterday. Got into a huge fight with the boyfriend afterwards. The relaxing effects of the massage immediately went from relaxed to painful. Today. Been taking xanax constantly. Makes me melt into relaxation.

Frustrated. It seems like everything I'm trying to do right today is blowing up in my face, which leaves me questioning whether what I did was right or not in the first place. Ugh.