He's Sharing My Story With Strangers

[saoirserylyn]

My boyfriend and I have obviously dealt with a tremendous amount of issues revolving around my ptsd. I'm sure you all know the classics: emotional outbursts (anger, saying the wrong thing, delayed emotional reactions), dissociating when I need to be present for us, my flashbacks and blackouts keeping up awake through the night.

My therapist recently referred me to a couple of people dealing with ptsd, in hopes that having someone I could relate to would be beneficial for me. My best friend referred me to this forum for support.

However, my boyfriend met a woman that he works with who has PTSD. He then went on to tell her that my situation was similar to hers and he sought to seek advice (and having someone to talk to about our issues).

This has caused me intense anxiety, panic and fear. So much to the point I panicked so badly I needed to leave work this morning and schedule and emergency appointment with my therapist.

The way in which I confronted my boyfriend about this situation was handled improperly as I was freaking out when the fear hit me. He then went on to defend this stranger and accuse me of being mean. I doubted her trauma (I have a hard time hearing what other people have been through - I can't listen or know about it as it brings up intense despair for me).

I understand he needs and outlet too. I just wish I had been smoothly introduced to the situation as opposed to him throwing it in my face. I feel that no one understands what I am going through and am afraid he will gather incorrect information from this person. I don't trust a lot of people and worry that this could come back and damage me somehow. Am I wrong to think he should have consulted with my first? I am wrong to be afraid? Am I wrong to wish he had looked for someone to talk to in a safer place (for example I met the people I talked talked through my therapist)?

The last thing I said to him on the phone is that I was upset that consideration for my feelings didn't come first in this situation. He felt he needed someone to talk to about issues that stemmed from something that happened to ME. He didn't think how I'd feel about it. When I mentioned her story and how I doubted it, he says "Be more sympathetic of her." What about me?

 

[PureDogs]

@saoirserylyn

I'm sorry you went through and I got upset when someone did that as well.

I confront someone who thought it is ok to do and told it is not OK without ask me first.

Yes, I have trust issues with people in general.

I felt that your boyfriend should be more considerate, show more empathy and understanding where you come from.

I think that he should asked you first because PTSD is not advertising issues but a difficult to share about because too many people doesn't understand or reacts in wrong way.

The statement your boyfriend has made isn't appropriate. It sounds like to me that he doesn't know what he is doing.

Educate him may be a best choice to do.

Hope this helps

 

[saoirserylyn]

The problem that I keep running into is that I've tried educating him. To the point of feeling that I talk too much about it and stick my foot in my mouth. He always criticizes me saying I'm inconsistent or changing stories, when in reality my ptsd causes things to FEELING different every day. I guess I need to lay down some boundaries and ground rules to follow. Didn't want it to come to that, but I honestly can't afford to continue feeling unsafe and frightened because he doesn't understand what is going on with me.

If someone I love has a hard time understanding, I don't see how he feels a stranger is going to help this situation any. Especially when he isn't listening to me when I share my feelings about everything (which as we all know can be devastating in and of itself to admit what is really going on sometimes).

 

[Echo]

@saoirserylyn - I would be completely annoyed by this, too. It is one thing seeing a counsellor or therapist himself if he feels the need to talk, or with your agreement anybody else whom you could trust to keep your confidences, but to go ahead without your permission is very disrespectful in my book. In one sense, it doesn't really matter whether this woman is trustworthy or not, he should have asked you first. If he had done it 'by mistake' and then apologised to you, that would be a different matter, but that he can't see you might be upset is not cool.

And yes, he needs to understand your PTSD rather than trying to understand it second-hand only. Had she been a counsellor or therapist, and sent him home to talk to you and discuss what he had learnt in general terms, that would reasonable, or if he had checked out this forum, for instance and done the same thing, ok, but I don't think this is helpful at all.

 

[Mouseshadow]

You are right to feel the way you do. If he wants to find out more about your situation he needs to go straight to you. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this at all. If he bothered to research PTSD at all he would realize that the way you are is pretty normal for what you have been through.

 

[saoirserylyn]

@Echo Thank you so much for helping me not feel crazy about this. He kept saying that I am wrong and he has every right to talk to this person if he wants to and thinks it will help. That only further made me upset. In my eyes, he has no right.. This is MY trauma and it hurts. I have shown him this forum, but he hasn't used it.

I feel like giving up. He doesn't consider me anytime my PTSD rears it's ugly head, he blames me and accuses me of being irrational. Like this situation for example. I'm stuck here still feeling like I did something wrong by getting upset at him about it. I don't know if it's because of my PTSD or of its okay for me to feel this way, but I feel he is manipulating me by saying my feelings about my own disorder are wrong.

 

[saoirserylyn]

@Mouseshadow Thank you as well! I am honestly so happy I found this forum, helps me feel more grounded in situations such as this. I have tried talking to him extensively (more than I've expressed to family and close friends). I believe in dealing with these issues that my relationship comes first.

 

[Echo]

@saoirserylyn - perhaps it would help you to talk to your therapist about this, but I cannot see anything wrong with you objecting. It sounds as if your problems with this guy go beyond this, from what you've written. It is so hard when people just make no concession for what triggers us. But PTSD or not, I don't think talking about your stuff, whatever it is, to someone else without your permission is acceptable. I hope you can stand your ground. Maybe ask him how he would feel if you spoke to other people about his financial affairs or something similar. I bet he'd be the first to say he would be annoyed.

 

[saoirserylyn]

@Echo Thanks I've been great about being open and keeping my therapist in the loop with everything. She pressed me to discuss this at length with him (I just struggle with trying not to get overly upset). So again thank you for everything.

 

[Jane.l]

My ex decided to tell a whole bunch of people about my ptsd and the reasons for it - I felt massively betrayed - I have spent my whole life hiding it - it's not gossip it's not ok to tell intimate details of someone's life - it's a betrayal of trust . I won't be making that mistake again !

 

[billie]

Thats rough, I don't know how I would react.