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Why did everyone want me to be mad at her and why is my brother acting like she was the literal devil?

She did her f*cking best. Why did no one ever just agree with me on that?

Years of getting better and experiencing grief as angry towards my mother and for what. for me to just lose her like this. there's no one to be angry at now. I guess a ghost, but what I MEAN is that i hate myself for having ever had that anger. I miss her so much and I am not doing well

Even suicide is evil Twin brother also wants to cut me off on the suspicion that i MIGHT be trans so it feels extra shitty that someone isn't acknowledging that and he's somehow in the right. Owner of this site might agree based on previous evidence. I am just worthless

I feel so worthless, stupid, and cruel. I miss my mother and I wish I had talked with her more and enjoyed her presence more. After the next voucher/section 8 extension, I am probably going to either stay at a mental hospital or try to do some sort of partial hospitalization where i can go...

Still feels like I can call her and she'll just pick up

I wanted the end of her life to be perfect. Her death was lovely, for a death, but. I wanted to fix her whole life for her and let her just enjoy it

I really wish I had deep cleaned the bathroom while my mom was still alive. She would have loved the comfort of it. I keep feeling so disappointed that I didn't do more for her

Trying to think of some positives -- I deep cleaned the bathroom, and that feels nice. I'm worried I might inherit this house but that's so.... idk, probably not important right now to be honest I'm just pretty worried and anxious overall, and OCD is a bitch My family, besides my twin...

It really do just be one thing after another. My mom's birthday was yesterday, and I relaxed and tried to be chill for that. It worked, it was peaceful Problem is now it's the day after and I'm miss her so so much So does the sibling who got raped by the way. They really wanted to be able...

Thank you He wants to hate my mom so badly for such stupid reasons Also, one of my siblings got locked out of their hotel room and then went to the hotel receptionist to get back into their room, but then he drugged and raped them (all while their under-10yo child was in the hotel room, though...

Probably a good idea, yes I am gutted with guilt and sadness and knowing I didn't do enough Worse, my twin brother went off the deep end and I will have to cut him off. And I am not happy about this development

Rip my grandma, she would've cringed at that grammar lol

Slept real good 👍

❤️❤️❤️❤️

I ate raisin bran today. Can't bring myself to do the dishes that have been sitting in the sink for a month nor clear off space in the kitchen, and even if I did it's not like I have money for normal things nor do I want to cook anything. It's useless cooking for one

Why do people tell me not to kill myself? Does it make THEM sad? I guess I'm around to prevent my siblings and nephew from being traumatized, at this point. And prevent my dad from using it for pity points. And of course so the cats and doggo and bird don't have to have a bunch of big changes...

i've been putting off going to the hospital for over a year and now it feels pretty useless to even try, to be honest. im just here. every day feels like such a long time.

yes :) still very depressed overall but at least her ex is leaving us alone again for a while

He chickened out 👍 Did not show :)

I am just very glad he can't offend my mom at this point

I did also inform a trusted neighbor to look out for suspicious activity. They said he was sorry he's doing this during this difficult time and I told them that to be honest I was kind of expecting it.

He used to scare me but I would like to beat him back for once now. Probably better to just call cops of necessary though -_- guess we'll see. He said he was planning to come by Thursday, which is very specific so we'll see if he actually does that or picks a different secret day. I would be...

He said he has a right to "break down the door and break in" at any time since my mother died (he doesn't) and to expect him. I called the police to "make sure it was legal" (it's not) (but ofc the dispatcher couldn't say that bc laws) (but now they know to listen for his mayhem at least)...

Oh also my dad is trying to pull the "wow I inherited the house :v I was a very good father and the only reason you came out intelligent and successful is because of the cool way I raised you :)" thing again