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I made myself get up, shower, and go to the grocery store.

When you've reached the limit of all the $5 and $10 you can make each month is collections the only other option? Have you had any doctors drop you as a patient due to unpaid bills? Can I ask... how do you reconcile who you were with what you've become now?

Not in merely being poor, no.

I did in #17. I was specific. I am not here to argue. I'm interested in answers to the questions I asked in #1.

@Recovery4Me - I am not comparing situations. You made some assumptions in your post that made what you said totally inappropriate, and, from my side, rather mean. I understand meanness wasn't your intent and I agree that you do not have all the information about my situation. I don't always...

I got caught up on laundry - finally. I hate seeing piles of laundry!

Tired.

It was 70 and sunny today, now it's cooling off a little. It would have been a beautiful day to go horseback riding.

This made me so angry it has taken until now for me to compose a civil response. All I can say is that you are ignorant and I pray to God that you and your loved ones remain ignorant of what life is like for people like me.

Ah - that is brave. I have to hide it - that's exhausting. May I ask how you pay your medical bills? (If that's none of my business please say so.) There is no way to do so on a fixed income under the federal poverty line. I have never understood that.

We are long-lived in my family, too. Nobody will tell me when my parents or siblings die. I have to check the Social Security death records regularly. That's the only way I'll find out. Any change in my mental state affects my body. I'm amazed people like my parents who are so thoroughly...

@Link Removed - what have you lost since being on SSDI?

It's the effects of long-term poverty that I feel shame about, not the cause or the poverty itself.

I meant a permanent, profound socio-economic change, e.g., sliding down below the federal poverty line and living there for the remainder of your life. Not a temporary setback. It's probably a question for a different forum.

My parents carefully kept the abuse behind closed doors, to "keep up appearances," but I'm sure people knew: other parents, teachers, neighbors, private lessons instructors. I was very bright and an excellent student and excelled at many things which I think made it easier for them to dismiss...

How to do come to terms with who and what you've become? How do you handle the crushing shame?

I feel stuck at the age I was when I was in the accident. My life basically stopped then so maybe that makes a weird kind of sense.

Play

I want to make and decorate a themed birthday cake which is something I've never done before. I baked and frosted a two-layer "practice" cake to see how it came out before putting all the time and effort into the real cake. Instead of keeping the practice cake I gave it to a neighbor (who was...

Fatigue and resentment. Roaring insomnia last night, I missed spending time with a friend this morning because of it. I was really looking forward to getting out of the house.

Sometimes when things get that way for me it means: 1) I'm trying to do too much, and/or, 2) I'm not paying attention to something that is upsetting me and the "upset" kind of gets generally dispersed over everything. Could it be either of those things for you? I know it's hard to cut back on...

Science

So. Tired.

73, slight breeze.

YouTube videos of outtakes from my favorite tv shows and movies. They can make me laugh no matter what else is going on in my life (almost).