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@enough - I haven't been through the death of my abuser yet (he is 85 so it can't be too much longer) but I think you are handling it very well. I am not really sure what to expect when that times so thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about it. I think anger is a very reasonable...

I'm thinking about Thanksgiving dinner recipes.

I woke up at 7:30, got out of bed around 8:30. I'm hoping this is the beginning of the end of this particularly bad bout of insomnia. I will try to avoid napping today and see when I'm sleepy enough to go to bed.

North

Yaktrax? (Those metal things you put on the soles of your shoes.)

Beautiful!

Oh, wow, I can't even imagine. Do you think he would be willing to accompany you to a therapy session and discuss this with you and your therapist? That might be more effective than reading a book.

@EmmaDancing - have you tried lucid dreaming? I can't always do it but it has helped me on many a night.

I went to the dentist. Something I thought was going to be an awful/expensive/painful problem, isn't. It may be later but for now it's fine. That was a relief. Also, my dentist is a cheery guy, that lifted my spirits. Their interior design of their office is more like a spa than a dental office...

Tired, tried. This insomnia is killing me.

I would kill for some fog! I miss it. It's about 70F here and dry dry dry.

I realize that I disassociate most of the time. I had a few hours to myself yesterday where I didn't and it was heaven! I was so happy.

Frustrated. %^$&@#^ insomnia...

Hammer

Housework. It puts me halfway between despair and rage. It brings where I am and who I've become into sharp, hit-you-on-the-face focus.

I was just trying to explain this to someone not ten minutes ago. It's tough to try and get someone else to understand that you live twice the existence that they do, in the waking world and the dream world and it all blends together as part of your life experience. Mine for today: freezing in...

I just remembered something else. After the car accident, I would be really out of it, especially when I woke up in the morning. I had to move far away from where I was living and I would wake up in pain, very disoriented in addition to disassociating. I couldn't remember where I was or what...

That's my story, too. I was one of those superstar honors students until college when all of the abuse and trauma came pouring out, no longer kept back by the necessity of living with my parents, and I fell to pieces. I still have a tremendous amount of shame about how badly I did academically...

Ah, this brought up a lot of tears. I had a falling out with a friend a few months ago. I miss her terribly but - I know this sounds awful - I miss her animals even more. I was at her place almost every day and strongly bonded to two animals in particular. I don't have any pets and the sudden...

A whisk! For some reason that tickled me. I like that. I am nearly fifty and I still sleep with a few stuffed animals, one I've had for years and is quite worn (I'm allergic to dust mites so they get washed often). If I had a spouse I probably wouldn't keep the stuffed animals but I'm alone. I...

I checked dissociation and anxiety. Where I live now is very chaotic and crazy-making, and I have to "fake it" just to endure here most of the time. I have tried to make it feel as safe as I reasonably can but there is little opportunity to be genuinely myself and present.

I am sad for my friend. His sister is in the ICU following surgery and she might not recover. He is the youngest of many siblings and I think this is hitting him hard as a reality check for how old they (we) are all getting and the ends of our lives are not as far off as they used to be.

I reclaimed Christmas as a religious holiday. I have no family to celebrate with but I attend church services. The season is not about buying and eating for me anymore - I stopped shopping for/buying/accepting Christmas gifts long ago, although I do prepare myself a small dinner. Instead, it's a...

And they are suspicious of/resent you for it.

Dogs. Dogs are amazing. I hope to adopt one (or two) in the next year or two. I torture myself looking at all the dogs waiting on Petfinder and at the local shelters. I want one! (Or two!) For now I play with the neighbors dogs to get my dog fix.