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@GrayOwl Thanks, so far I have experienced some of the things you talk about I hope to continue to do so and to heal as well. Just from reading past posts too I have learned so much and figured out different ways of healing...I think was is also really helpful to me is knowing I am not alone in...

Nightmares

Thanks!

Happy Birthday :-)

I don't know really what to say but here goes I have C-PTSD and Depersonalization / Derealization Disorder. I am a student, a mother, and occasional writer. I was neglected as a child from about 3 to 15 at that point someone decided to keep me and that is when I started experiencing sexual...

When dissociation is a lifelong habit you space out sometimes and you don't even want to. Its like my brain is like f*ck that ...its too much bye! I mean but shit I have things to do, I can't be all zoned out and lost all the time. I guess it will be an endless battle i have to fight...grounding...

I felt compelled to say this but I feel like I should also add that I am 30 years old and this could take from the meaning somewhat I am unsure. Half of my life at least I did nothing. I did not go to school, I did not celebrate holidays, I did not develop friendships, I did nothing...

Shit. This happens to me and I hate it. The last few years or so I forced myself to keep moving ... I don't know I just starting finding ways to inspire myself, finding things to desire, new things, old things, whatever to motivate myself to keep moving forward. I have a poster board over my...

Doing a free write in a journal is the only think that snaps me back to the present...and not really even the present but just safety so that I can refocus myself on what I am actually trying to do...it's so hard when that happens because the last thing I want to do is be present but writing...

Sounds like a plan :-) Thanks!

Exactly. The question really is for me do I want to be with him in a relationship knowing full well that he has not treated me how I want for years meaning that he never will ? For me it is loaded question. I just don't know if therapy can fix all the problems. I should be hopeful but I am not...

Yes, I have done this. He reads them and doesn't have anything to say. I written him lots and lots of times. I feel like I have tried everything. I am just relieved, we went to therapy yesterday. I think choosing a man was a really good idea.

What you describe is similar to what I feel sometimes. It's like if I am a burden or something. I see a counselor myself and she isn't my partner...it's like I want to be able to share with him without him flipping out. I have broken down in front of him but I don't anymore because it does not...

Thank You, I will bring up as much as I can next session you guys made really good points and I was uncomfortable but discomfort is where growth comes in.

I am not sure..I mean I want to get married as symbolic message to him that I love him and want to be with him...that's what marriage represents for me...so maybe that is scary and feels like a trap...because I am as most of you guys noticed torn...but over the weekend I had some really...

I am going away for the weekend...I need to pack and get on the road...I want to say even though I was a bit touchy and I apologize for that I really appreciate everything said here and will think about all weekend. While I study, learn to surf, and do things that feel freeing :-) I really mean...

he goes to individual too...we both do but he wants to stop seeing women therapists he feels they keep mothering him so he may switch soon

What I am doing well: School parenting not killing myself following my dreams staying hopeful taking care of my body developing and deepening friendships and relationships with family seeing where he ends and I begin my trauma and captivity shattered me the fact that I get up every day shows I...

I said that because of the cost of living. I can't live on my own and stay here I would have to go home...but I do understand black/white thinking. I will bring that up with my therapist.

I feel like everyone struggles it's sort of part of life. I also feel like I am trying to work through this with cptsd and disassociation and so many assumptions, stereotypes, and generalizations come with that. I unravel too but only when something serious is happening not stress but for...

Read the book together...we are living separate but see each other daily do to work schedules and kids. I feel like I have a support network. I feel like I have done all the things I could possible do in terms of things I have control over, myself, friendships, faith, finances, personal...

Wow. You make some really good points here. 1) Looking at who is in the relationship: I try to stay in the present and not think about the past but I do understand how it impacts me day to day particularly with the shame/guilt around physical touch minus emotional connection. 2) What brought...

I think that her statement works for some and not others and for me it didn't and I said so..I am not sure that there is really anything else to say about it. This is how I feel about it no one here know's what happened to me. It's not just about my "abuser" in my head but other things at play...

I'm not going to ignore you but you're right some people do like that and for some people that's crushing. It's a typical way to look at people that were abused ...I just don't use it and don't like it. You can say whatever you like I just expressed how I felt about it. You seem upset. I'm sorry...

Saying that my abusers won is not helpful. It wasn't about tone...but that comment. Why would I mute you. I just expressed how I felt about your comment. I didn't like it. Should I not say that?