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@Movingforward10 I can probably stay with my p-doc, but he costs $100 vs the $40 I would pay to see someone on my plan. If I go through a med change, that $100 really adds up.

Well, we met. I kind of broke down and we sorted through a rupture. Partially, it was a misunderstanding. This caused her to think that we were falling into the old patterns that caused the original rupture, so she waited to talk to me. In turn, it terrified me that she had said anything at...

The plan is to talk to my T about it today. I woke up trembling. We went through something like this two years ago, but I’ve felt some sort of regression in the last three weeks and kind of fear her all of a sudden. Thinking about quitting so my response was to schedule extra sessions to try...

I’m an HSP (highly sensitive person/empathic). I’ve always been pretty intuitive. I typically sense when there is conflict in my relationships. I read emotions well. However, when it comes to my T, I’m starting to wonder if it is more of a negative transference with a confirmation bias...

@Survivor3 I’m not much into football, but something about Super Bowl is always excited. Maybe it’s my love of food, 😂.

Chiefs vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Happy Super Bowl!

If you are seeking validation for your feelings, you don’t need a label for that. Your feelings are real and valid. I’ve felt that way before, like a diagnosis somehow justifies all of it. Like if you were really tired all of the time, and people called you lazy. Come to find out you have...

Our virtual emdr has been going fine. We make a butterfly hug and tap left and right. Sometimes I may just tap my legs or feet, like if I’m needing to hug my pillow or blanket in my lap. I hope to go back in person in the spring after we are vaccinated. Mainly, just to have a reason to leave...

We have changed up the emdr many times. I’m grateful to have an experienced therapist who knows different techniques to use in complex trauma. For me, it feels like something is “solved” once the processing or resourcing has made it to a finish. We went through a few years where the emdr was...

Just now seeing this, but I had the exact same reaction. I wanted to leave work because everything in the world was so beautiful. I had no desire to follow any obligations. I even asked a colleague to smell the lotion on my arm because it seemed so amazing and intense (back-story, I can’t...

Back when I used to do emdr in person, if I became overwhelmed I would dissociate and my eyes would be closed. Then, I’d sort of snap out of it and seem like me. Later, I’d realize that I was still dissociated—only with my eyes open. Now we do flash emdr and it involves having an engaging...

@Warrior Chicken I can enjoy them at a distance and preferably with a blanket to hide under as needed. I like fountains and sparklers. I think that my nervous system panics a bit with the unpredictable explosion noises. My trauma had absolutely nothing to do with fireworks or guns, though.

@Warrior Chicken part of my safety awareness, I suppose. I view guns as a bigger threat than fireworks and prefer not to be anywhere near them.

People in my neighborhood complain every year (citing ptsd, dogs, kids, fire hazards—all valid) about the illegal fireworks being popped off. I’m not a fan, but have come to realize that there is no point since our city police are rather lax. Then, at other times of the year, people assume...

This feels familiar. I think this situation is pretty normal in most families. The ptsd just puts how we feel on steroids.

I kind of skimmed through this, but is your T out of town for the holiday? Sometimes the change in routine and feeling of abandonment when T goes on a short holiday can just be overwhelming and set off new memories or flashbacks. (Not to mention the break from your partner!) I would remind...

@Deanna sorry I missed you.

Anyone around?

@grit that is where the work is. I rationally know where the flashbacks come from. We are working on the emotions of it all, but it’s hard to get beyond the fear. So we do flash and in my processing my brain got hung up on the cognitive distortion of being a people pleaser and what the...

I think part of it that connected it to the abuse is that the competent professional adult in me knows that I did nothing wrong, yet the child in me had multiple panic attacks prior to even knowing what the phone call was about. Then, as I sat through the meeting I was still that child on the...

I’m finding what many of you are saying very helpful. 1. I was trying to find the gray. 2. Combat flashbacks that this work conversation brought up. 3. Figure out if I should try to work a miracle in a situation that I didn’t cause (because I know my colleague is under pressure and trying...

@mylunareclipse in my case, it was because it was adding to my anxiety loop waiting for her response and also was triggering abandonment fears. Now, I can write her as needed without expected written response. She does occasionally reply and she responds to a phone call request.

As a child I created a belief that if I please others I will be loved. Then in a bad csa experience I used that in the thought that it would keep me safe. Pain was followed by comfort by the man. As a young adult, another bad situation led to rape. I was thinking that It would keep me safe...

Do you have memories of most of your life?