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I would like prayer to let go and let Jesus carry me cause I can't do this anymore. To be able to see myself the way he sees me cause I feel like I came from demons so I must be one too.

I'm trying to make it but why is this so hard. I'm not sure this is worth the fight anymore. The back and forth feeling like I'm weak and weakness is unacceptable for me but I accept it in others. Maybe one day I lose myself but for now I will hold on.

So since I been feeling empty like I'm just a walking corps I haven't eaten in two days just had some water. One of my coworkers asked how my life is going I decided to tell him. He had a banana and told me to try and eat and to just take small bits and not to pay attention to it but just talk...

I feel just empty inside. I didn't eat yesterday and so far not today. I did have water today. Even though I would just like to sleep I decided to make my prayer box today like I said I would.

I feel empty.

Thanks for the the feedback. I thought I was going crazy but it's natural. Just not what I was expecting. This just takes a lot more work then I was ready for. Thank you this helps a lot. I do push myself a lot. When I put my mind to do something I expect to get it done but this was a wake up...

I found out that there can be a middle ground instead of going all out on loving people or kicking them out my life. I can still love them and understand that we are not as close as before and it's alright. I never had a middle ground since it's all or nothing for me so it's a new feeling.

The CPT was to much. Me and my therapist decided to take a step back on this a work more on my grounding. Since I guess I been holding to much inside and I don't know how to react to all of the things that are starting to come up. I feel like I failed myself because I wanted to do the trama...

Blood Meridian I read this when I was in high School. Its been a long time so I just would like to refresh and see if I see things differently now that I'm older.

Heading to work and hopefully my migraine doesn't get worse.

Eggs with bread Cup of orange juice

Tranquility

Yes I don't cry often but one time the hairstyle told me I need my ends cut I burst in to tears. 😂 Lol

I woke up early to watch the sunrise which was nice to just be outside talk to God and listen to the birds.

Vigor

Spells

I know I'm haven't been to work in 3 days and I never called. I feel like something off but I don't know what it is. I'm worried because I been doing this for a while and sooner or later my job might fire me. I'm sabotaging myself.....

I found today that I can laugh with out feeling like it was fake and go back in side my self after. Today I felt like this was my first real laugh since I been born. I laughed with out trama coming up in my mind but I hope it last.

Yes I think when I see reviews from others that it's supposed to be a quick fix even though my T says it won't since I have such a long history and different types of trama. I get it in my head that this will work or I'm not doing enough to make it work. I know I don't give myself enough credit...

Thanks for reaching out and know your not alone in this struggle with food. People would ask me have I eaten even ask a kid and I would not even remember if I did or not. I can't tell if this is from my trama as a kid or something else. My body doesn't tell me it's hungry until I'm about to pass...

I had two bowls of broccoli cheddar soup. I hung out with someone and had a Starbucks drink.

I'm not doing EMDR cause it's hard for me to imagine an image so I will be trying out CPT instead. I will put on the work to get better but a part of me thinks this will not help.

I felt pretty great to day and laughed a lot. I noticed I'm able to laugh more often and not think I'm being fake. When I use to laugh I would get down about it cause it wasn't real but today I'm content with it.