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Quite the blessing that he was golfing :\

Side note... thank you for sharing your beautiful story with us. You sound incredibly strong. What an amazing love... you will definitely see him again... whole and healed :). Bless you

What ever brings you positivity and helps others is your purpose. You're important.

Freeing in a way... dark anyway you view it. You're here because you have a purpose. Find superficial comfort in this realization, but don't live there. Snap back soon... the world is waiting

Sorry you're dealing with this. Stay strong. You know you're right. I'd limit conversation

What no one has said, that needs to be said to you is this: It's okay and perfectly human to make a mistake. It really is. I hope the very very very best for you two. Please update so we know how it goes; I'm rooting for you both. Things happen and we all have regrets. You definitely know...

Our relationship with God is a highly personal one. But I'd reconsider your view of God. It's putting a lot of angst in your words, words that come from the heart. I'm sad to hear you feel so victimized by God. The God I know has helped me not to feel so horribly alone... and the more I pray...

As a sufferer I'd be so humiliated if my boss knew. Even if my supporters family knew I have it, which I'm sure they do... ugh makes me cringe. Im sure you meant well... If he's even talking to you still I'm sure he understands that too... just... I would not *ever* reccommend doing this as...

I strongly caution you not to "go there". You recognize it's his illness. What people do is generally more about themselves than anyone else. Focus on yourself and accepting that whatever will be, will be. You gotta be okay either way. You just have to.

Exactly. Im guilty of doing the same. I think the finality is a way to just have a sense of control over things. I felt I meant it in the moments but I loved my guy too much to truly mean it. He's much more level headed than I am so he recognized the pattern and called bs... politely. He...

Yeah this is common. Just give him space. When he's going off into this mode its probably because he needs space. However, a lot of us people with PTSD usually don't know that we need space until we cause a major conflict, when space is what we needed the entire time. Just focus on you...

I'm sorry for the horrors you've endured but I'm happy to see you here with people who can understand and empathize with you. You sound like you have a great attitude and you want to heal... you're a survivor. Welcome friend! We are happy to have you!

Give him space to heal. If he loves you he will eventually come back. Sounds cliche but its true. But don't rest your hat on his return. It's not fair to you. Focus on becoming a stronger person... you may indeed end up alone. But if he doesn't love you there's no hope in the marriage. Him...

That's wonderful! I don't think I replied to the post you're referencing but I did read it. It's hard to be so honest with a person, even if they are your therapist. Things still can get awkward even though we try to reassure ourselves we are in professional hands. I'm happy it was just a...

Thank you for sharing your writing! It's very deep, intelligent, and I *definitely* relate. I'm glad it's helping you, keep up the good work and share whenever you'd like to! Yes!!

You are fine. Trust your gut. You have every reason to be who and how you are. Be compassionate with yourself, friend. You know the best answer to your questions based on your experience.

Feels like a "lose" as in...? Explain please :)

I don't get any of those from family. It hurt most when I had the "should" mentality. Now its the "never will be" mentality and it's not as harmful to me anymore. Ive accepted their limitations and focused on my own recovery. We are all very estranged. I never hear from anyone. I might get a...

So what is it you need or want from your family?

Appreciation is *so* important. I'm sorry you feel/felt unappreciated but I can bet you she probably somewhere inside is very grateful to you for putting up with her illness. If not now, she will realize it later. We know we are hard people. Some of the pushing away is ego protection and...

I appreciate you sharing so in depth. It's amazing how this illness looks so similar on so many different people. I'm sorry you've suffered as a supporter... I cringed reading some of myself in your stories. We don't like what we do. Thank you for sharing and good luck to us all, sounds like...

What you've been told about yourself isn't the truth at all. You've seen glimpses of your true self, that is wonderful! Sounds like getting to know yourself is a step in the right direction! How can you make the time to do that? What are some things you can do to get to know the goodness and...

I'm coming from respect, but just a question: have you ever considered spirituality? That cured my overwhelming sense of aloneness that I've felt for my entire life. Yes, I get lonely, but I never feel "alone" anymore. It took me to get to a point of complete desperation to seek spirituality...

Thank you. None that I'm aware of though I might bring it up to my therapist. I could use practice in sharing with others. Good suggestion

Well thank you for that! It's okay. I mean it isn't lol, but I understand... He himself suffers from depression and anxiety. Sometimes I think both of our upbringings, as far from each other as they are, have blinded us to truly being able to understand each other's experience. All that will...