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;) I know DBT is available under my PCT (Primary Care Trust ) under the complex needs services so I'll look into it :) Never thought I would be using BPD diagnosis to my advantage - I hate it!! She's very open to learning New things. Ironically, she did the EMDR training a year ago for...

Wow ! Thanks Soooo much for your input :D I've never thought of grounding in a proactive rather than a reactive way so that's incredibly helpful :)I'll look into it more and look up your book recommendations :) Not on the waiting list - I had 8 sessions under complex needs services instead =...

I suffer from depersonalization - feeling that my body is not my own; physical numbness and being out of sync, effecting my movement/severe all over pain leaving me literally frozen and unable to move ; not recognising myself in the mirror; watch myself as if on film (I'm usually in the corner...

Hashi - I was able to think of safe place as was prepared as knew what we would be doing in advance, but struggled when we introduced bilateral stimulation. To ground myself I do a lot of naming what I see/counting/picking out colours/reminding myself where I am and how old I am/breathing...

Thanks Abstract, I can mention it when I see psych. Trauma service won't touch me as I'm "too complex". I was referred a year ago. I had 8 sessions under complex needs service but couldn't offer me more. They were going to put me on the waiting list for mentalisation therapy but too long. I saw...

Wow! Thanx so much for sharing. Love the idea of sand tray! I have one in class for my kids so easily doable :) :)

You may be right Abstract - I've fought so hard to stay working. After 4 months off sick last year I could have given up, but I kept fighting and now have a new job that's not without its own challenges, but I need it to have some self worth, routine & normality in my life. The person I know...

She has done a lot of trauma work, but I know I'm the most complex she's treated, but she refuses to give up and contains me. I am starting to think she doesn't know what to do... Let's see what happens next time I see her. People I know who have ha DBT have not been working, I need to keep my...

I know this is old now, but very relevant to me at the no. I'm in the process of getting DD diagnosis, most likely depersonalisation disorder. I've taken the DES questionnaire yesterday - I scored 55%...

I'm on 100mg/ night. It has been a wonder drug for me and stopped hyper vigilance, flashbacks and nightmares ;) I was on 150, supposed to be going up to 200, but my body couldn't tolerate it. I was way too sedated. But now, 18 months ish after starting it, I'm building up a tolerance to it so it...

Anthony - for some reason DBT scares me. I don't know much about it but know a lot is focussed on coping strategies for typically BPD behaviours e.g. self harm and suicide ideation. Although I have a history of these in the past, they aren't current difficulties. But I may be wrong... Hashi -...

We've done a hotchpotch really, no one approach. We did some schema work which helped reintegrate my fragments and some reliving - going back and talking to little me. These sessions were the most helpful, but equally incredibly distressing at the time. We seem to do a lot of talking which will...

Thanks guys - really helped me feel less of a failure. I guess I learnt a lot about myself and as T has admitted, both of us underestimated the severity of my dissociation. Hopefully it'll evidence when I see the psych that I have a dissociation disorder (most likely depersonalization disorder)...

So, had therapy yesterday. We were supposed to be installing a safe place using EMDR. Last time we tried I struggled, so I went prepared with pics of my safe place I'd chosen, sounds etc, confident it would work. But... Yet again I failed :,( I was able to talk about the place, feel calm and...

Thanks, me too! :( I was off work for over 4 months because of it. It was very scary and left me feeling very unsafe. Luckily meds helped control it eventually. My T has def seen me at my worst *sigh*

Hugs! Sounds scary! Last time we did trauma work I was retraumatised and in a place of heightened anxiety and frequent flashbacks/ seizures/ dissociation/ black outs - it was horrific, I really don't want to go back there! :(

Thanks Macca :-) Glad I'm not alone! My fragments range from very young (pre -verbal which makes sense as I didn't talk til I was3 1/2!) to late teenage years (my most destructive and volatile) with many in between. I find these 2 extremes the ,most frightening and hardest to control given the...

Thanks :-) I'm not great at communicating verbally, especially when stressed as then fragment then have to try and suppress one part of me - usually the destructive part to enable me to be rational . I also have elective mute tendencies which can get in the way. So, I often need time to...

I know you're right but desperate for wellness and answers. Need to get crafty stuff out to occupy me. Definitely a complex diagnosis, which I've always known, but now starting to make sense of why. Sadly I have been diagnosed by different professionals at various points in my adult life, so I...

Haven't been around as generally I was doing better. Started new job, which on the whole is a positive change... But... Realised I'm still me - I can't run away from myself. Took a dip back in December and back seeing T after a 4 month break. Things are tricky again physically. My body does a...

Thanks for your reply :) Currently waiting for camouflage make up to arrive ~ seems like forever! My scars are no longer red and angry looking, after 10yrs they're now white instead. My main worry is how raised they are... :( I have thought about laser treatment but I can't afford it and NHS...

Yes yes yes :'( xxx

Sorry that makes no sense - I couldn't see half of it :s

Thanks Britt... The ones on my lower arms are the least severe so hoped I could at least cover those but seems not :( I'm going to get the prescription and play tho. I'm hoping if I apply to legs and wear skin colour tights it may be enough to cover them so I can wear skirts... Thanks Solara...

Thanks. It's looking unlikely. I've got to pay for what I did for the rest of my life. I'm a teacher so it'll never happen. It's not just at work. When I'm out and about I still bump into the kids - I'm on the train at the moment and a kid just came up to say hi. I regret what I've done so...