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Thank you for hug 🫂 Sorry you're low on words. I gave my mom extra space hoping she would recognize newer boundaries. I think she was trying. But I wish I hadn't done it now. It hurts too much to think about it now I think I already went through this. I think this is something new...

Coming off a med that was f*cking me up and making me more delusional with my most common delauion (that everything is my fault and I need to be held to a higher standard than anyone else on earth) Hard to say that but yeah, best friend made me talk about it and tried to tell me for hours...

Maybe if that one therapist office hadn't dropped me as a client the second I got out of the hospital that one time, I'd have actually dealt with the stress of living with my mother and noticed in time that I was being idiotic :/ But that's been the theme ever since the sleeping problems...

Since it came up tho. I keep forgetting because it's not relevant anymore, but at least I'm not with my ex during all this. I would have felt a thousand times worse I do keep worrying that she cursed me somehow but I guess that's how evil of a spirit she was towards me. I hope she's better...

I keep finding myself looking for Nestle. I miss her so much

I regret every time I was angry or upset with her. I think my feelings were not valid and it was dangerous to call them such Edit to add: I feel I was delusional and it's difficult to say I wasn't stupid and shouldn't feel bad :( though I guess talking about it helped somewhat. I want to be a...

What's f*cking me up so much about it is that I was more distant from her than usual, often angry (even if I didn't show it) (but especially moments I could have, though I don't know for sure), very depressed, and was trying to make boundaries to make me feel less stressed, but so hard that...

I hope my mom didn't think I hated her and knew I loved her. I really doubt I said it enough

Now that I've thought about it, it (that dream) may have come up because I am feeling uniquely lonely. Not that I want her (my ex) specifically, I just want someone who I'm close to, romantically, to add some sort of meaning back into my life, though I've never thought that way before ever. I...

I accidentally slept through my at-home sleep study equipment pickup. I was not ready to get up when I finally did, but it was, uh. maybe 15 hours of sleep

I am recalling now how I missed my ex at first and was angry at her only because I didn't want her to hate me. I didn't want her to blame me for everything that happened. But felt it was my fault. There is some reality where I almost think we would've been fine and not as toxic if she hadn't...

❤️

I got some sleep, thank you Feeling better, but still feeling devastated about my mom, Nestle, and the two kitties who also passed recently

Why does crying have to be so physically painful. Why does everything have to hurt

Just every minute I'm aware of the world hurts. I don't drink or do drugs, but I sleep 16 to 20 hours a day and it's getting worse and I have to redo the sleeping tests because the company who was supposed to help with equipment took too long. A year wasted. Still sleeping the days ago. When I...

This is hell

The helplessness of trying to make things work in the face of everything. Just everything. Surviving when an earthquake just swept 20,000 lives into the sea. sitting in the storm shelter listening to the wind wipe the city bare. Watching a car flip several times in front of you. Being alone with...

I can't capture the feeling in words. Awful though. Awful But happy I made the feast But. Wrong

I realized thanksgiving party wouldn't happen without me, as my siblings were very devastated (my mom is always the life of the party), so I planned to finish all my shopping this week (food stamps finally happened, hate the context but whatever), and make the feast myself, even if it was just...

Thank you

Sorry for the delay. I am doing a little better now, thank you Water, good, once I get up for a while. Food, fair. My diet has slipped back into a lot of foods that aren't healthy in the quantities it would take for a day's worth of calories. Lots of sugars. Cake bites and candy, mostly. I did...

Showered and going to bed. Sorry about the outburst

I'm sorry y'all keep trying to be supportive and spend time helping and I keep just being like this

I wanted to be like Lion but I'm just a joke

Having another breakdown my ex would've been happy to call me stupid and entitled for. Thought I was over shit like this but apparently I'm just as stupid now as I was then