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Yeah, it feels like it's just a constant program running rather than individual thoughts popping up; not pictures popping up intermittently, but more like an endless motion picture. How did I ever get in this deep? So what I've been coming to grips with since I started this thread is that I...

@sun seeker. I'd love for you to elaborate. I'm very open to alternative health and healing therapies. If you'd rather not, that's fine.

@sun seeker, have you had real life experiences with this?

This is interesting. Any reason you suggest a shaman/energy worker over a therapist?

Yes, yes, yes. Not only is it like he's watching my every move, he's also watching my actual thoughts and laughing at them. I'm like, "What about this thought? Tell me if this is an acceptable thought to have. Ok, I'll change it for you."

Gimmick. Def. A trick or device intended to attract attention, publicity, or business. Just found that online. It's connotation is basically worse than "stratagem" but not quite as bad as "scam" or "con." Or maybe some people--like that woman today--consider it as bad.

@Chava, it really didn't even bother me that much--I was mostly just being facetious. Also, don't you think you could also argue that since I was only assigned to work there for five days, she would just say, "To hell with it. She'll do what we need her to do and be gone in five days anyway?"

I did my first temp gig today. It is something I have some experience with, but is not my main career. I met with the manager in the morning and she went over the business with me. I was in a light enough mood, talkative, somewhat humorous. I referred to some feature of their offering as a...

Yeah, they both do actually. The problem is I've been in hiding for so long, when I come out, I find my life is just a barren wasteland, so there's no sources of positive arousal. I think I'm suffering a lot form the lack of a social life, but at the same time, I'm terrified of getting out there...

@woundedmind, Your comments about reframing thoughts were helpful and made me think, actually.

This. I'm talking about actual boredom.

Thanks @woundedmind. I guess one problem is that everything else besides ruminating just bores me to tears. Nothing compares to the arousal of hating with every fiber of your being. It's bad arousal, but I think on some level you can get addicted to that and then feel very flat when it's cut off.

This question comes up a lot here, and I've been waiting to hear a response like this one. Others on the forum have warned of symptoms getting worse after a move--how do you square that with your experience?

Be careful with this. Maybe years ago you could make a viable income, but I dabbled in it recently, and the wages are really bad. I don't know--maybe I'm working for the wrong companies.

The problem with me is even when I do all those things to ground and relax, I'm still thinking about people who traumatized me. Sometimes I'm trying to rewrite history, tell myself it was a misunderstanding, etc, but my real self knows that isn't true, and I remain traumatized and unable to let...

Once you've been burned by a hot stove, you learn to never put your hand on a hot stove again. Simple, beneficial self protective learning experience. For trauma survivors, it's like we've learned to fear life itself, and in ways it seems as sensible and automatic as learning how to avoid being...

I have no problem avoiding them in the corporeal world--it's the world of the mind where they catch up to me. Like how do I shut off this movie playing in my head?

Missing it. Exactly. Having gravitated towards monsters in human form for years simply because that's what was familiar to me, I know well that we can feel homesick for hades just because we're used to it. It is a quite strange and troublesome feature of the human mind. And there's the addiction...

This is a good point, and I experience the same thing, especially with daytime naps for some reason. I guess what I mean is that on a deeper level that is perhaps obscured from our conscious minds there lies a fear or a belief that makes us scared to stop. I'm certainly not saying we are getting...

Tell me about it. The silence is deafening. It shakes my whole identity when I'm finally without the anger and rage and desire for revenge that have defined me for years. I just feel like a void.

What do you think will happen if you stop thinking about the trauma? I think most of us here suffer from repetitive, obsessive thoughts of past traumatic incidents and triggers, and for me it's probably been the most stubborn, indefatigable symptom. Most of the time, I feel like the thoughts are...

Such as? This crap is all over the place now. Goods and service providers are found online now. It is what it is. I can't just take up a new trade like it's changing clothes anyway. What I have to offer is what I have to offer.

@Cashew, It's commendable that you don't care what other people think, I guess, but I sort of do, because when you have secrets, the last thing you want to do is make other people suspicious. Maybe you don't have all that much to hide. Also,you referred mostly to the social sites, I think. This...

Sorry, I'm not really getting the point in this. It's interesting--are you saying that people who know/care about personal security are wary of social media? Even if that's so, it doesn't stop average folks from thinking, "Oh, you're not findable online? That's weird." I posted one from ten feet...

How do you deal with all these networks wanting you to post pictures and details about yourself online? Personally, it drives me crazy--how can they not know that some people aren't comfortable with that? I don't even go near the social sites like Facebook, but now I'm finding web platforms...