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I had thought about doing inpatient but I could never get straight answers from the provider as to what is covered by insurance and what isn’t. They were pushing a 90 day program for $70,000. And there would be add ons. A lot of what they were pushing was substance abuse related and fortunately...

We do that, we default to the worst case scenario. Early on I did some CBT and was told to not use words like never in my thinking. It did make a difference. When I get dysregulated I walk through my thoughts and edit out the catastrophic thoughts. It helps me but I still have a long ways to go.

I am in New Mexico for a yoga retreat. This morning a 3 hr hike in the dunes at White Sands followed by 3 hr of yoga. I ache.

Yes. My mother was a violent alcoholic who eventually committed suicide. CPTSD is at the root of all my issues. It is good to dive in early while you still have your life ahead of you. You can save yourself a lot of grief by studying attachment theory as that is where CPTSD from childhood abuse...

For a bull snake it was medium. They have a skinny head rather than the shovel shaped pit viper head of a rattlesnake. They will puff out the sides of their face to appear more like a rattlesnake when alarmed. I always try to get a good look at both the head and tail. Bull snakes also tend...

Just tune it all out.

Another one today on the hiking trail above the house. This one is a non-venomous bull snake. This time of year hyper-vigilance is an asset.

There are 4 other book shelves in other rooms as well as boxes of books in storage. When I was married we moved a lot for my wife’s work. One move I counted how many boxes of books I had and it was 50. I think this last move I was down to 20 something. It is a lifetime affliction and I need to...

I am going to look into that. Due to my childhood I am a terrible people pleaser. I have been working on it but it is all so foreign. I enjoy connection but I seem to lose myself. I often seem blunt or at least it feels that way when I say no. I have not found the sweet spot yet but I am working...

My name is Dave and I have a problem…..

So many books, so little time.

Eat breakfast with coffee on the front porch. A three hour hike up the hill. Zoom yoga with my trainer. Pack for the yoga retreat I am leaving for tomorrow. Turn out the lights at a reasonable hour.

I’m guilty of whatever it is called.

Et in Arcadia ego. Death is just part of life. In the West we have sanitized Death and don’t speak of it as if that will jinx us. We fear it. It is the ultimate other and thus it must be feared. In many developing countries death is accepted as part of life, it happens, with frequency. Infant...

That was the first rattle snake I’ve seen this season. A good reason to stay out of the tall grass and always look before stepping over logs, etc.

I have had a series of little dogs over the years. No special training needed. They light up my life. This morning little Lulu woke me up prancing in circles like a puppy. She is 4 years old. I started the day nlaughing before I was even out of bed.

Just be patient and give her space. Pressure is a big no no, particularly with someone with a trauma history. I know it is hard but if you pressure her it will not turn out as you desire.

Ultimately exercise is good on many fronts. Just start easy, a 10 minute walk and then turn around and walk back. Do it 6 days a week. After a week or so add a little time. My trainer used to have me do some intense still on my bike like hill repeats and intervals. My BP spikes under heavy...

People with trauma are quirky. I am. The gal I have been dating is too. Both of us have trauma histories and our own quirks. My thinking is that I can learn from her but at the same time I am on the receiving end of some weird stuff. For example she has been in Nepal for the past several weeks...

I played on the Husky today. The photo is in the middle of an ocotillo forest. Usually it looks pretty dead but this time of year it is greened up and the foliage are blooming.

I miss having a clue.

I made a quesadilla with some leftover steak, cheese and New Mexican green chili. Yum.