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Heya, Central Jersey girl here - born and somewhat raised, though I've lived all over. Exit 8 on the NJTPK

-hugs you- I too had a bad dream about my abuser. I was making out with him in a place foreign to me and I was stuck, I couldn't move away from him. I just sat there, feeling so terrible, filthy, wanting to vomit. But then a positive dream happened and interfered - a team of women came to...

Yes yes YES!! This is THE hardest thing to explain to people when they ask me why I never prosecuted him. I did this a few times, after a certain point of abuse. This would've surely caused me grief, anger and strife in a courtroom. I coudn't imagine the flashback-esque meltdown that would ensue.

Does anyone else here eat for comfort or even suffer from binge eating disorder? I feel like I need to talk to someone about this. Please mind the rant. From a young age (around 10-11) I recall eating for comfort, but not sitting there enjoying the food - stuffing thing after thing into my...

Part III - The Misery Hits Home My mother always had a bad feeling about this guy. I lied to her about the things we did, about the things he did to me. I was so desperate for "friendship" and alone. These lies make me feel terrible. She knew something was wrong. The people at school I called...

We all seem to relate to one another in some way. While the details of our stories may be different, we still share the same feelings of confusion, having something taken from us - time robbed of us as it were. Thank you everyone for your welcomse. @cherryblossom: I made an appointment, she...

TOOL - Forty-Six & 2 My shadow's shedding skin and I've been picking Scabs again. I'm down Digging through My old muscles Looking for a clue. I've been crawling on my belly Clearing out what could've been. I've been wallowing in my own confused And insecure delusions For a piece...

I will try some... 1) I love my friends and would do anything for them 2) I have cool looking eyes - rim of slate blue, green and a burst of yellow with orange speckles 3) I play ice hockey 4) I'm good at assisting my team mates 5) I get better at skating every time I go 6) I am good at...

Horns

I didn't sleep well. I somehow injured my shoulder in my sleep, not the inner rotator cuff but somewhere on the back near the scapula. I had a dream about my abuser. It was weird...

- The smell of intense body odor/unwashed smell - People who look like him - Metal handcuffs (I have a big kink side btw, I just cant do the metal ones)

I must swallow my pride so I can get better. Or at least use it in a way that is not toxic to me. Thanks for the warm welcome. I've been posting my long winded story... keep having to take breaks. It's hard to think about without the rage consuming me.

Part II I am going to get graphic. Just a warning! When I was in high school I had a pretty good network of friends. Eventually, we all found ourselves in the craziness of puberty, as such many of my friends sought out and obtained significant others or had offers open to them - except for me...

Feeling lonely. Don't want to be alone but don't want to hurt my boyfriend. Feeling relaxed, I took a friend's xanax. It is very helpful. Has helped quell the anger. I should talk to doctor about medication.

I apologize ahead of time if the format of these stories I am about to share is shaky or tangential in nature. Sometimes my mind skips and races or I forget things until later reminded. Honestly, I had a good childhood - if I compare it with my friends childhoods, it was great. I didn't grow up...

Hello Everyone I just signed up for the main PTSD forum yesterday, and just heard about the Sexual Abuse forum today. I was sexually abused for about three years, though I'd known the man for a year before that. I held my secret in for three years after that, and subsequently developed (C)PTSD...

I had trouble falling asleep until about 6 AM, mind was too crazy and anxious. However, I did get a solid 8 hours before work - it just hasn't made up for the fatigue I've felt this past week. I am unmedicated. I often dream. I feel like it's my best way to deal with things... my mind processes...

The way that man smelled... I can't get his terrible smell out of my head. Not a physical scent, but something more, like an aura, a feeling. I rely heavily on my sense of smell. His smug face and smile haunt me. The repeated feelings of shame I have from knowing I once said yes to him, yet...

It's from one of my campy old favorites - The Re-Animator! I just made a therapy appointment for the first time in months but they can't take me until July. I feel really anxious about this. In fact, I realized today I have not felt depressed in years - only high strung and anxious, angry and...

Highly anxious, very angry, selfish, needy and subsequently self loathing

Talking to people about my symptoms has really kind of burned two friendships, so I'm really careful about it now. All the sudden, in their eyes, I was an excuse-making needy psycho (they perceived my dissociative episodes in a weird way).

I guess some days it just feels like I have to put one foot in front of the other. I'm just having a hard time dealing with all of this stuff. The high anxiety, the 'paralyzed' feeling I have from responsibilities, the seizing fear of others, complete self loathing, binge eating for comfort and...

Personally, I find myself tensing a lot of muscles or grinding my teeth, chewing on the inside of my mouth. I zone out and cannot at all focus on the task at hand - my eyes kind of fixate elsewhere. I will hold my breath until I gasp for it.

So... introductions... Well, I'm 23 going on 24 in September. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2008, and is something I've been trying to manage and cope with since then in a systemic fashion, though the symptoms presented themselves far earlier. I do not take medication for it, though I am...