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Brat17, I am so glad the will is there. There are dark dark days for so many of us, but that will to keep moving towards life and healing is there in all of us, or we wouldn't be here on this forum. I think most of us have had times when the pain is too great and feels unbearable and hopeless...

SOL, just want you to know I haven't just walked away and forgotten you. I'm hoping to see you back on here later and hoping you can accept some of the caring words here for you and know they are genuine and you are worth every word said by everyone. I hope you are okay. Lots of us here hope and...

SOL, you DO deserve this help, we wouldn't be trying otherwise. We see your worth, even if no-one else does. We know the place you are in now and how incredibly hopeless and dark it is. But it will pass and I believe the future can get better for you. Please hold on.

I agree, having needs is okay. Needing support is good and you deserve it and are worth it. And we are here for you to give you that support. We are here writing these posts to you on here because we do care.

You are being way too hard on yourself SOL. I want you to have compassion for the woman you are, who has survived trauma you never ever deserved. And you are normal for what you have been through. And you are not horrid, it is pain that we all struggle to contain. I've been horrible to my...

You're not being selfish. You didn't ask for the trauma. It wasn't something you made a choice to have happen to you. You are in no way responsible for what happened, so you are in no way being selfish. There are many people here who cannot work, me being one of them. We cannot work because we...

SOL, we cannot predict what the future holds for us. Until recently, I didn't have anyone who truly cared about me and my wellbeing. My family never cared. It has taken me until I'm 41, to even start to believe people in my life now actually do care and only now do I have people who love me in...

As Loveneverfails said above so well, even if they don't care, you deserve to live for you. Your measure of worth is not in other people's opinion of you, whether they be family, friends, society. You have succeeded in life, you have survived things no child/woman should ever have to suffer...

Dear Abstract, I have only just seen this thread. I relate only too well to the surreal feelings that surely this cannot be my life. I don't even understand how I survived it all. Avoiding it and being in denial for 20 years made it feel like it almost must have happened to someone else. Like...

The times that are better when it does pass, are worth the struggle. The really dark times do pass. They hurt like hell, but they do pass. I do think people care about you and would miss you. People don't/can't understand what you have been through and continue to struggle through and don't...

I am understanding how that feeling of being trapped is a big issue in my spiralling down into thoughts of death. Both times I attempted suicide, I felt totally trapped and keeping contemplating suicide gave me a sense of control in situations where I had none, particularly when as a teenager...

EMDR is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It's a PTSD therapy for processing trauma.

When your husband has to take a week off work to while you hopefully stabilize on stronger meds.

I agree the shame should be with the offender, but that's not how it is for many people, particularly women who have been repeatedly and severely sexually abused from a young age. I did talk about some of my trauma's with a male, but there is no way I could discuss details of the abuse, or...

Hi there, Welcome to the PTSD Forum :) I hope you find the forum as helpful and supportive as I have. Shellbell

Thanks for asking Abstract :hug: My doc wants me in hospital now, but she phoned the hospital she wanted me to go to and they basically said if I'm not actively suicidal then I won't meet the criteria to be admitted. So, even though I am not safe or stable, I can't access inpatients...

(((((Gizmo)))))). I think you are nothing like the rest of your family Gizmo. You never deserved such cruelty in any way and it sickens me that you and so many of us have gone through such damaging and horrendous abuse at the hands of our 'parents'.

I am glad you don't have side effects Gizmo :hug: I think the Seroquel causes more side effects for me, than the Effexor. I just wasn't on a high enough dose of Effexor my doc thinks, so I'm up to 150mg now, and that will be increased again if not enough.

Hi Ali1157, I am so sorry for all you have been through. It is beyond comprehension as to the evilness of human beings at their worst. Being sober is such an achievement and you have my full respect too. I am glad you are here. Shellbell

Thanks Bilby, I think there are many of us only coping with the severity of our situations due to a variety of medications. I'm not at that point of acceptance for this being the way it is long term. I know I need to be.

It sounds like they just want to keep on perpetuating the abuse, like my family. Like you said, their own little voodoo doll. I'm so sorry you've gone through this too :hug:

Having got a lot worse over the last few weeks, my pdoc thinks the Effexor was not at a high enough level, so it's now being upped to 150mg. And she said missing one dose of Effexor, or even taking it at a different time can cause mood instability, so have to take it at the same time every...

I understand to an extent the feeling of being different and definitely treated differently due to adoption. My father wasn't my birth father and let me know that he only adopted me because my mother made him, or she wouldn't marry him. I was 5. He never let me forget that - and then...

Philippa, I am glad your childhood wasn't as harsh, but even for those who's childhoods were not so severe from parental abuse, it still can have a very detrimental affect that causes pain and affects lives greatly. Being singled out for any kind of abuse by a parent is terrible.

Debbet, I totally relate to what you have said. I spent 20 years in serious denial, minimization and avoidance, thinking I was happy, highly functioning and normal and okay. Then the PTSD & MDD 'crash' happened this year and my life fell apart. I'm currently only functioning on a cocktail of...