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Thank you Abstract :hug:

Thanks Gizmo, there's no bed, so won't be going until at least Monday. Meds are being upped in the meantime. :hug:

Thanks Abstract :hug: I have to go into hospital as soon as there is a bed free, as I'm too unstable. Only good thing about that is it might help my claim.

Really really scared. Have to go into hospital as soon as they have a bed free. Doc says I'm too unstable.

Gizmo, coming out of denial is the most painful and confusing thing and I'm so sorry you feel so bad about all this with your sister. Our terrible childhoods and parents affect us for so long and the abuse just keeps on hurting. I know how painful this is and you have my deepest compassion...

Thanks Gizmo :hug: Me too!

Received a letter from Centrelink today, saying my case is being reveiwed by someone who has not been involved in the case so far. Yes, they are taking their sweet time, put the reports in 3 weeks ago, and only just received an acknowledgement letter. Really hope this 'reviewing officer' can...

I have realised that due to all my fears of burdening people, guilt for involving them in my 'stuff', fear of dependence, fear of being vulnerable, fear of failure, fear of rejection and abandonment etc, I am sabotaging friendships and my support network and myself. This week, I've ended a...

Having a lovely relaxing swim in my pool on a beautiful day.

Well I have read more on this thread, and have noted I have all the following that are big no-no's for EMDR; Severe multiple trauma Complex trauma Severe PTSD with 20 year delayed onset Amnesia - considerable (years of missing memory) Dissociation Lack of trust Don't think I will venturing...

Enjoy! :) I haven't seen Ted, might have to check it out :)

Gizmo, you are right and my T has said we're not doing it yet. I'm too unstable and have too much dissociation as well. And I need to feel safe and have more trust in my T to even talk about the big stuff, let alone do EMDR. Big hugs to you too :hug:

I think a lot of how we react is completely normal for the situation and history we are dealing with when pandora's box is opened. It doesn't mean though that normal is easy to deal with. It is incredibly hard and my heart goes out to all dealing with all this. EMDR scares me, and I'm no...

MomOfTwo, you are I do sound very similar in our history and how we cope now. I so relate to how you are with your children and not wanting the legacy of my childhood to be passed on to my children. I am very different to my mother, although very aware that my coping ability is no-where near...

I'm scared of my lack of control in so many things. ((((Hugs)))) to all who need one.

I clearly have attachment issues. I don't know how to form and hold onto real relationships. I fear rejection, abandonment and hurt at such a damaging level, that I sabotage them all. Being alone is all I know and that feels safe. Anything else makes me feel vulnerable and unsafe. Two...

Gizmo, you are someone I consider to be such a positive example of a survivor who has endured more than anyone should ever have to go through, but continues to put in the hard work in therapy and in life, and seeing it all as a continual ongoing learning and healing experience. But, never gives...

Hope you both have a fantastic time, lots of rest, relaxation and fun :)

Therapybankrupt, I am really sorry the EMDR has made things worse for you. I really am. This is all really so hard and I understand that. It feels like a constant battle and one that requires more energy than I ever have. I think many people will relate to how you are feeling, I do...

My husband thinks I'm on here too much. He doesn't get annoyed though and I think tbh he prefers I vent on here than to him. I talk about things on here I cannot talk about in person to anyone. I think partners need to realise that getting some of this stuff out, in whichever way we can, is...

Raven123, I relate to all you have said. I'm really sorry your therapy didn't help and you cannot afford any more and don't have a good support network. I really feel for you. I think the only highs I have ever experienced are the bi-polar type highs. Or the alcohol fuelled, fake highs. My...

MomOfTwo, I don't think you should feel guilty at all about not reading triggering posts. I think that is self care and necessary. I've stopped reading trauma diaries, not because I don't care, but for that reason - they are too triggering. Alot of what you say I relate to, the lack of...

Hi Cherokee, Welcome to the PTSD Forum :) I am sorry for all you endured and very glad you are having therapy. It's another step to open up on here about things previously not disclosed. I hope you find the forum as helpful and supportive as I do. Shellbell

MomOfTwo, thank you, I appreciate that :hug: I'm sorry you don't feel safe either. It is a fear factor that is severely debilitating. I think your therapist is right and it is too much to talk about the trauma in every session. I'm glad your therapist is taking it as slowly as you need it...

Thank you and hugs to you too (((((Abstract))))). I think a lot of people relate to all this. Feeling watched, unsafe, vulnerable, helpless, not in control. It's no wonder we dissociate, or numb, or avoid - it's all danger to us. Danger that has caused way too much pain and suffering in the...