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I will light a candle for you :hug: Do you have phrases that will help you through. My favorite is to remind myself "this too shall pass".

I also have dreams where people who are toxic in real life love me in the dream. I find these dreams incredibly disturbing. For what it's worth, the best thing I've learnt to do is to try and ignore the dreams. Eg throughout the day I will recall the dream and start to feel lots of conflicting...

:hug:

These would by my three questions and each can have a different answer. Was it rape to you? Maybe, clearly you're not sure, which is why you are here asking. What would it change if it "was", what would it change if it "wasn't". Was it rape to him? Probably not. From what you said he stopped...

Finding a good therapist is definitely difficult. I got really lucky with my third T. Unfortunately I think it's s bit trial and error which is painful, time consuming and expensive. Good luck, we are here for you.

Great thread. Hot cup of tea is my suggestion. Making it gives me something to do (takes some time) then drinking it slowly (can't gulp it, it's hot). I find hot fluids far more satisfying than cold ones. If you also crave sugar, you could start with sugar in your tea (maybe even too much)...

My personal opinion is that trauma work should start with stabilization and learning how to manage any spikes in symptoms while doing the trauma work. My first T didn't do this and I left her in a mess. It was the support here that helped me a lot and helped me find a new T who is great. My...

I think that there is basically no negative stigma with Stockholm syndrome so it's a tempting explaination to use. I felt (feel?) a lot of shame for the feelings I had as a child for my abuser, the Stockholm syndrome explaination helps de-shame it for me. I would like a more on-point...

I missed you abstract and I'm glad you are feeling comfortable enough to come back. For what it's worth I always felt you fit in here.

Empathy is a mostly a taught skill in my opinion. I'm raising children and it's something that I'm actively teaching them, and I see them learning, changing from oblivious to understanding. How were you meant to learn when no one taught you, no one modeled it for you, and then you got abuse...

Agreed. Change is slow, goes up and down, never in an orderly straight line.

I would try natural therapy. Finding a good one is however s challenge as it's not a well regulated industry. Is there someone who could recommend a good one in Your area?

Is there are theme to your criticisms? There probably is, but working it out will take some effort. I think if you understand the theme you might be able to understand more where it comes from. Some example themes: (making this up as I go along ) - external facade - view others might have...

One thing I also do is that each month I write up to 4 goals for the month. They are more written as priorities than goals. For example last month was school holidays for my kids so my main priority was that my kids found the school holidays relaxing and rejuvenating. Because this was my main...

I find phone games that gave short levels best for me as there is a stopping point. These are ones I like. Plants versus zombies2 Cut the rope Tiny Heros

I remember being at the police station as a child waiting to pick my first abuser out from a line up. I was told (after a long wait) that he admitted it so I didn't have to do the line up. I had understood that he went to jail. I rang the police station about a year ago wanting more info than...

This is another example of radical acceptance that is silly (which sometimes makes it easier) and it's something I'm still working on understanding so if I'm wrong, please correct me. You're with someone you're trying to impress and they give you a cup of herbal tea but it's disgusting, you...

I've yet to go into my trauma as I'm too scared (after the disaster of my first T). My current T knows this and is going very slowly and I feel like I'm getting better. Be sure to communicate with your T so you can go the right pace for you. My thoughts are with you.

How many doses have you missed, and how much do you take. I notice my anxiety increase after about 15hrs from missing a dose but I'm on a small amount.

I agree with the above, you need your own T to sort through your feelings, and you need to see them on your own. If your partner can't accept this then that's a red flag in the relationship.

I meet these people in places that "I" like, somewhere that I would happily spend 30min there on my own anyway....once they arrive we then walk together to where we are actually going.

This is at red flag for me. My first t did this and I ended up in a really dark place.

I never labeled them as intrusive thoughts, they felt more like guilt for not "doing" enough. This is something I have been working on with my T, learning to prioritize myself And that my needs matter as much as anyone else's. How did I finally let go? I think it was very gradual. I think that...

I did too It took me a long time to be comfortable with self soothing, more than a year :banghead:

I think the biggest ones is that I have learnt to self soothe, that it's okay to self soothe and that it is beneficial to self soothe. For me self soothing is to do nothing, literally. If I'm really overwhelmed I'll go to bed and just lie there. I use boredom as the cue to add something in...