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As Amanda Palmer sang, “I’d kick the bucket sixty times before I kick the habit.” I mostly use entheogens... you might as well tell me not to pray to a God I serve. But I hear you. I’m not doing heroine here... I’m doing high grade hallucinogens, and although they’ve been surprised by the...

I’ve tried not to be super loud about my drug use here, but I also haven’t tried to hide it. When I finally caved in grad school and went to a P (the first time I did this was in college, but it f*cked me up worse), I hadn’t yet realized that my symptoms weren’t just through the roof due to...

This should probably maybe be in my diary, but I don’t know. I feel too rudderless to dump it there. But I don’t have the energy to write it in its totality, so I suppose this is part one. I’ve always been a person of extremes, I’m told. My writing doesn’t seem to land anywhere between short and...

It is hard. I hear that. And I hear you saying what your hopes are as well as your fears. I can tell that you care enormously. My understanding from your posts is that you are extremely invested in “seeing this through” with him, for lack of a better description. I’m wondering, though, are you...

This is anecdotal, as I have a sample size of exactly one, but damn this is good advice from where I'm standing, because the best damn therapist I had (and I fear she will always be the best I'll ever find) worked full time at one of the supposedly top VAs in the country. She was tough as nails...

I'm really glad I decided to do the parrot back approach, because your clarifications really changed the whole picture I was getting. Game changing clarifications. Thank you for taking the time to explain more. I know your first post was long and busy, so I figured some stuff was getting lost in...

First of all, welcome. I hope that you are well served by this resource, and I would encourage you to read the articles available here. They're very informative (and totally well-written: believe me, I'm not biased whatsoever :sneaky:). It sounds like your loved one has had a LOT going on in a...

@Ronin , an affectionate response/edited version of my above When You Know post... When this quarantine started, I was like, Remember your training... :sneaky: I’ve been preparing for this all my life!

Man, I feel this so hard, JMH. I really do. It’s why it took me around three long years to find a T I even considered qualified to meet my needs. Well, it was an amalgamation ofc (religious based? No. Warm and fuzzy profile/bio? F*ck no. Education short of a doctorate? Probably no.), but one...

If you have a current therapist, could you ask them about this point blank? You’ve really been through the wringer interpersonally. I’ve seen you face adversity in so many contexts that just really felt to me like the shit icing on your traumatized cake. Truly, my heart has gone out to you over...

I like creative tasks that are either routine (like cooking or baking) or repetitive (like coloring books, knitting, scrapbook/vision boarding). Do you have any hobbies like that? Some crafts are very kinetic and stress-relieving—whether you’re sculpting with clay or just squishing Playdough. I...

When quarantining goes from “Damn, this is easy. I do this all the time anyway” to “F*CK... I am now actually isolating because quarantine triggered my symptoms” to “When was the last time responded to a single text, email, or phone call?” I’m way too good at this self-isolation shit, it turns out.

I could have added “survivors” to the title, but I personally don’t love the term, so instead of getting even more paralyzed by deciding between survivors or victims, I’ll let y’all (yes, I’ve officially been in the South long enough to incorporate the phrase) fill in the blank. Anyway, okay...

After a series of tumultuous life transitions and my major never-before-seen level breakdown in the summer, I've finally mostly stabilized. My mental health has improved phenomenally; I've probably cut back 30% on my meds after nearly doubling them for a few months. But there's still several...

What a lovely thing it is to have people like you to live inside my head along with the demons, dear @Ronin. You and so many others here not only whisper to me within my darkest hours, as the demons do, but you shout over them here, in reality, when my head is rolling through these digital...

I’m probably just mad as hell that black and white thinking took over (I am such a denizen of this community that the thread title “Name That Cognitive Distortion!” plays like game show music in the background of my head even as I partake) after my symptoms spiked, and I focused all my vitriol...

I've been transparent with him about my mental health. Really, much of what I've inflicted was simply an over-the-top version of things that had to be sorted, anyway--that bearing of the emotional/mental load women so often do in relationships being unloaded. It's not like he didn't deserve...

@Ronin I agree wedding botching isn't such a bad thing. I'm just extremely bitter that my decision was mostly made because of the fallout from seeing my parents. Putting off a wedding is like putting off retirement... it's not like you can't always do it later, and in reality it boils down to a...

Things aren't exactly going so well in Simonland. Nothing superficial is really the matter. I mean, my job kinda sucks, but that's never really bothered me too badly before. I've had a lot of shitty jobs. Mostly my zeppelin turned to lead because I let my parents visit for the first time in 8...

Interestingly, I anticipated this, but it’s quite the opposite. Just as my ED-affected self would never encourage my friends/loved ones or pets to restrict food, they do not express to one another in any way other than validating how reasonable/necessary urges to restrict feel that restricting...

I agree with this, and it’s something that’s been easy to translate from working with developmentally disabled adults, most of whom were nonverbal, who also tend not to hear “thank you” enough. There are three types of praise emphasized in behavior modification training geared towards...

I’m rapidly reorganizing my thinking and approaches at my new job working with adolescents with eating disorders in an inpatient/group home setting. It’s been pretty nonstop until today, as the organization is struggling to retain and regroup staff following major structural changes, and I was...

As my therapist liked to say, “Before you decide if you’re depressed, look around first to make sure you’re not just surrounded by assholes.” Yeah, it’s a lot of bullshit here. I definitely have that going on, and I’m still trying to figure out if this job is helping or overwhelming me.

I’m just going to keep on going here as I evaluate this position. When I worked for the government, everyone was always terrified of privatization, and I never really understood their mortification. This job is private sector, and at first, I thought—this isn’t so bad. It’s much more lax...

Firstly, thanks for all of the listening and nonjudgmental responses. Nothing like this (alcohol + benzo + trigger = f*cked) has happened since I posted about an emotional flashback I had at a party over two years ago. I wasn’t worried or blaming my partner for taking my keys. It was when he...