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Okay. I was anorexic when I was a teenager, after getting out of an abusive relationship with my first boyfriend, which culminated in him raping me in my garage and doing what would today be called stealthing, although it wasn't stealthy, it was spiteful, and it resulted in an (obviously)...

... is maybe killing me? Maybe it’s helping me, which sometimes feels like I’m dying? I’m on the fence by the hour. Something really bad happened my first day off. The whole day was a shitshow from the start. But speaking of starting, I’m going to start from the beginning. I don’t even...

@scout86, thank you for your intimate perspective and ever-helpful guidance/input. And thank you for the congratulations :woot:

For those who don’t know, my primary—but far from singular—abuser and trauma was being sexually and otherwise abused by my elder brother of 6 years when I was between around the ages of 3-6 years old. It was regular and persistent, and his emotionally abusive grasp on me lasted well after my...

That’s possibly one of the greatest compliments someone here could give me. We are a community of incredible people making it work day by day. Thank you. And thank you Miss @scout86! You’ve always been a cherished part of my journey, giving me what my boyfriend and I call “the true true” (Cloud...

Right the hell back at you, lady. :woot:

@Ronin Honest to god I couldn’t have done it without you along with all of the denizens of MyPTSD who make this community so special and life-saving. I came to this resource almost exactly 8 years ago, at the end of my second-to-last semester of my Bachelor’s degree. I was told by multiple...

That really means a lot to me coming from one of my very favorite people. :inlove: I’ve been waiting to make this post for sooo long. I’m walking on sunshine today. The past few months have been the happiest, calmest, most magical days of my life, and today just feels so good. I’ve been handing...

Nbd. -Simon, MA

Yeah, you owe me no apologies whatsoever and I’m glad you suggested it, because it was working amazingly well before the side effects started. So no apologies at all @joeylittle. None. My P wanted me to try atypical antipsychotics, and if he had picked one instead of me deciding to give it a...

Although there are only 600 reported cases of paraesthesia from Seroquel, I don’t think this reaction is really that rare. I wouldn’t have known that the intermittent burning/tingling/itching and restlessness I was getting in my legs (and ignoring for weeks) was Seroquel if my coworker hadn’t...

Thanks for reading @EveHarrington. I was on Lamictal for a little while when I was finishing school as an undergrad, but it was problematic for two reasons. One was that I had to take it consistently or I felt like hell and I had to start again from a low dose and progress slowly back to my...

Sometime in early Spring (March?), I began seeing a psychiatrist. A lot of people think my P is evil, a mad scientist, a quirky intellectual with a bloated god complex, or a miracle worker who lacks basic social skills. He’s extremely infamous in my work community, hence the cocktail of strong...

I’ve been thinking a lot about my bumper sticker lately, @shimmerz ! :)

I have two letters I wrote in marker on my hand: SB. Stay busy. I think being busy is the only way I’m going to survive this backslide/relapse/chemical hell. A lot of my intrusive negative thoughts, moments of emotional dysregulation, and the stuff that makes me broody and hopeless or feel...

This is it. I’m in f*cking PTSD hell. The last time I posted, I had taken a DIY approach to @joeylittle ‘s suggestion to try Seroquel instead of trazedone (which was giving me terrible vivid nightmares). Seroquel was an answered prayer. My P called in a script. Things were good. Except I had...

@Changing4Best It is. I’m working on that this week. We used to listen to music and color together every day. We’re listening to music for about 30-60 minutes a night again, now, since I created this thread. It helps immensely.

@jaccat My favorite no-think snack is a banana or two with peanut butter. It’s got a satisfying mix of protein and sugar plus a complex carb with some nutritional merit. I think my version renders around 400+ calories depending on the peanut butter.

This was me last night. I barely ate yesterday until around 3am last night/this morning. I try to avoid the moralization of food; I think it’s societally unhealthy (that food is naughty, that one is good). I prefer to frame what happened last night as a very hungry woman who made the easiest...

Nope, I don’t think so, but he does definitely get me. Like really really. He’s a damned observant fella. I guess I just felt like jumping headfirst in yet another “thing” was escapism. It’s why I read all of my ex’s textbooks and did his homework when I graduated. Why I wrote other people’s...

This has been difficult for me, too. I feel unable to talk about the toll on myself lest someone thinks I’m bragging somehow. When my best friend’s pancreas stopped working last year (adult onset type 1 diabetes), she was dying, and I was the only one not patting her on the back about her...

I stuck to a commitment to start the day with music and reflection (again, finally—this was an amazing tool I stopped using sometime in winter) instead of escaping into articles or other mental busywork I use to disappear in the morning. Somehow music sets the pace for my day if I am reflective...

My boyfriend, J, has never seen me depressed or symptomatic outside of situational stress ever since I first leveled out in our relationship last summer. Even then, I wasn’t depressed, just super dissociative and anxious. Look, I know other people can’t “fix” me. But this man really taught me...

Yo, I piloted seroquel for the past three days. Sent my P a text yesterday with all the details of my current situation, including this experiment. I love it. My dreams are back. Weirdly—and I don’t know if this is related to the med or just me—I’ve actually been having really good dreams that...

I am a sporadic member of all things. Welcome. I’ve been obsessed with this idea for a few years, if you remember. Leading up to 26 in the summer of my German soldier (I couldn’t help myself :woot:), I was extremely obsessed with the idea that I was training my body Forever. I think that’s why...