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  1. L

    Therapist wants me to do emdr

    EMDR has been incredibly beneficial and I'm so glad I went through it. If she's sending you for emdr, it's not because you are failing, but because she knows what a strong impact it will have on your healing process. I completely think you should do it. It's really hard, I won't lie, but it's...
  2. L

    T wants me to try emdr

    Okay I have a long history of child abuse, molestation, rape, along with significant trauma from a few years ago. I was terrified going into EMDR because it does bring up a lot of memories that you very vaguely remember and for me, a couple I had completely forgotten had happened. It's...
  3. L

    Sexual Assault Tea, consent, and the marriage bed

    * ....(or keeps me awake until I cave), then I would have walked away. It's my body and it isn't being respected. Sorry, I don't know how that line got cut off.
  4. L

    Sexual Assault Tea, consent, and the marriage bed

    Very valid question. Okay, well when it comes to money, if she doesn't like it for long enough, she can leave. If the two are baggering one another for long enough, neither can see eye to eye, and neither is happy, is that relationship healthy? No. Not really. There are better ways to work...
  5. L

    Is my trauma valid and bad enough?

    oh and @kerrielou there are A LOT of programs out there still doing this. Sadly.
  6. L

    Is my trauma valid and bad enough?

    I made a comment to my therapist one time along the lines of, I felt weak for developing PTSD and that my story wasn't severe enough. I successfully managed to make her a bit angry with me. Her response was, "Where did that idea come from? You're not allowed to have a breaking point? If...
  7. L

    Sexual Assault Tea, consent, and the marriage bed

    Okay, I'm in this exact same position at this point, and it's something I've been discussing with my therapist at length lately. First, the poster above me made note of some extreme abuse that occurred to her. Abuse occurs on a multitude of levels with different levels of severeness. Also...
  8. L

    Who do you tell about you ptsd

    I've become more open about it as time goes on, partially because I feel like I'm in a more solid mental state. I typically wait until people have gotten to know me pretty well before I disclose it. After two years of working in the same job, I told a handful of colleges because I was going...
  9. L

    Other Peritraumatic full tonic immobility

    I have catatonia when triggered badly enough. It's like a freeze response that I can't pull myself out of. I can't move any of my muscles at all or speak when this happens. However if someone touches me, my body will automatically jerk back. I do not have the convulsions with it. Although at...
  10. L

    Struggling To Name Things In Therapy

    Following this thread, I have the very same questions.
  11. L

    What does being stable look like?

    I guess it might be a good question to bring up in therapy, what does stable look like and maybe ask why he thinks you aren't ready. My only guess from what you've written is that he might be worried that you will start drinking more again. But even if that isn't it, try to trust what he is...
  12. L

    Ready to quit doing trauma therapy

    I've learned that if I'm so overwhelmed that I can't function in daily life, it's something that really needs to be brought up in therapy. Things can be slowed down, you can have several easy sessions, and you can work on coping strategies. I was told early on that if I struggled like that to...
  13. L

    Second dose of edmr having extreme side effects...

    It's completely normal. It gets way worse before it gets better. I know when I got too overwhelmed by everything, I'd ask my therapist if we could take a session to work on grounding exercises or practice reducing anxiety. It usually helped me to take the break even though she wanted to push...
  14. L

    Unexplained actions - dissociation?

    Yup. Sounds completely like dissociation to me. Find multiple grounding techniques and practice them regularly. At work, I take a million notes of what I've done, what I need to do, etc. I'm a teacher, so I audio record my classes because I literally cannot remember the words I said two...
  15. L

    How do i control my dissociation at work?

    Check out the fidget cubes. That might be even better since it has multiple tactile sensations, and it's small enough you might be able to keep it in your pocket. My son is autistic and has one for school, but I could see it working really well for grounding purposes too.
  16. L

    Finding Me

    I literally have not been on here in months, but I really need somewhere to write everything down right now. Seems like a good place to do it. For the last two years, I've dropped hints that I was raped, but I could never manage to say the words out loud. The biggest hint came during an EMDR...
  17. L

    Opening up to my children

    Yeah, I completely understand that. You get to decide how much to tell them and what about. That's going to take some considerable thought beforehand though. I know that when I found out some of the things that were done to my own mother as a child, I had a really hard time forgiving the...
  18. L

    Opening up to my children

    Then yes, absolutely. I don't think this is something to be suffered in a vacuum and I don't think it does any good to keep your own children from the truth. That doesn't mean they have to know everything, but they deserve to understand. Trying to figure out how much to tell and what to tell...
  19. L

    Opening up to my children

    I've been where you are at and my heart goes out to you. I remember the depths of that pain and how devestation it felt to realize that there wasn't anything strong enough to make me want to stay, including my own children. Because there is a period of arguing with yourself not to do it, and...
  20. L

    Dissociation - Talking To Myself (did-like, Maladaptive Daydreaming)

    I do this constantly. I think it's kind of a way to work things out in your head so to speak. I realize most people probably don't do it, but I always have. I used to pace a lot, sometimes still do if I'm alone. Now, I usually have those conversations alone in the car or I will sit in the...
  21. L

    Repressed memories

    I had an incident after emdr where I saw an image of my dad doing something horribly physically abusive. Then all the memories of it actually happening came flooding back. It wasn't like I was "being told something new", but sorta like when someone says, "Remember when?" and you go, "Oh yeah, I...
  22. L

    Rebelling against what's good for you?

    I think it basically stems from a need for control. I grew up in a very abusive controlling environment, so by being defiant I was able to preserve some feeling of control and autonomy over my own life even if it cost me to do so. I think I still do it as an adult, or at the very least test...
  23. L

    How do you distinguish a gut feeling from a ptsd response?

    I always go with my gut. I wouldn't have ptsd if If just listened to my gut in the first place. Does it cause me to run sometimes when I shouldn't? Probably. But sometimes even knowing it's a ptsd response and ignoring it means that I get triggered more strongly than I'm able to cope with on my...
  24. L

    Rebelling against what's good for you?

    Oh my Lord, yes. Sometimes, I swear I'm defiant just for the sake of being defiant. Im my worst enemy much of the time. Right now I'm in the world's biggest fight because my psychiatrist is forcing me to get weighed on my next visit, so I've stopped eating. Serves her right. Immature? Yes. Can I...
  25. L

    Battling negative thoughts and feelings after doing something positive

    I can relate to this in a certain sense. I walked away from my father after an extremely abusive string of events. It might seem I mature but I went and got a tattoo I had been contemplating for years. At 27, it was still something he would have forbidden. I needed to know I had ownership over...
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