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I am reading Black Wolf by Louise Penny and We Can Do Hard Things by Glennon Doyle and Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh and am about to start Pansy by Andrea Gibson. I have a hard time reading right now so I seem to be countering that by starting multiple books at once which is not...

Update: I just stopped working with my new, new therapist after less than 4 months. I went to a one month trauma treatment inpatient program and when I came back, I realized that this new therapist was not going to be able to help me. Although I find aspects of DBT helpful, I know that's not the...

I'm listening to the last book in the Throne of Glass series, Kingdom of Ashes by Sarah Maas. I'm reading The Girl Who Lived Twice.

Yes, I very much think that counts as good news. It might not be reported in the official news channels, but it's the kind of good news that I like to focus on. I find myself diving way to deep into news stories. I tend to wait until I hear a topic that concerns me and then search that topic...

I have a difficult time filtering out background noise. I hate white noise as well because I'm constantly trying to hear over it. It's definitely hypervigilance for me. We have heat pumps as our source of heating our home and they can be really loud when it's cold. I get scared when they go on...

@Midnightmoon , I forgot to answer. It does not delay my entry into the inpatient program. My therapist and I filled out the paperwork this week. That way I can get on the wait list. She spoke with the admissions coordinator and explained the situation. When I get towards the top of the wait...

Thank you for that. I really did not want to return to that building. Reaching out to crisis is very hard, but it is worth it in the end. I'm very sorry that you had that experience with your therapist. I had a similar experience with a psychiatrist. It is really hard to not understand what...

My therapist told me last week that she is leaving her position. I was completely caught off guard. My trauma brain always tells me that everyone is going to leave me. And I have asked my therapist as recently as a month ago if she was planning on leaving. And, at least at that time, she...

shortcake

Wow, I haven't heard that kids can't get PTSD. I would definitely disagree with that statement. And I am so sorry that you witnessed a friend being killed by a car.

I wouldn't have said that I had cPTSD, but when I started to deal with trauma besides the car accident by talking about my experience being "spanked" as a child. I called it spanking because that's what the adults in my life called it. It was much worse than that. I only talked about it with my...

Pong

Seeing my very selective eater child smiling with a huge plate of calamari for lunch. He won't eat chicken, but squid, sure thing!

I think part of my draw towards rescue drama shows and some crime shows is that there's a hero, some saves someone and/or they find the person who committed a crime and that person is held accountable. It represents what I wish I had (a hero) and what I wish had happened (justice).

No. It's an easy answer to say, harder to understand and accept.

This all sounds familiar in terms of getting memories in snippets, having a diagnosis of DID, and wanting to prove that all is fine and nothing happened. I still want to prove that even though I am also beginning to accept the memories that I have gained through parts. I think I would rather...

I found my way back here after two years. I hadn't realized that it had been that long. Time is so tricky sometimes. I can't keep track of it. I know this is kind of cliche, but I look at my kids and I don't know how they are suddenly 13 and almost 16. I started coming on here when they...

I am reading The Girl Who Takes an Eye for an Eye and Crown of Midnight.

The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate Keeper of the Lost Cities #8.5 by Shannon Messenger In pieces by Sally Field (auidobook)

Remembering that I have goals I want to accomplish still, not wanting to have my children go through life without me, fear of the unknown- the idea of what's to say death is better

silence

cat softly purring

I had to work on making it a habit to do something else. One thing I had to do was get rid of the tools I used for self-harming. It's not that there aren't other ways to self-harm, but that was a big step. Then, I learned strategies. One is holding an ice cube in your hand until the urge...

I stopped most of my self-harming almost 3 years ago. I still have episodes of it from time to time, but the majority of it has stopped. I know I don't have all my memories back. But I feel so much better and I am much more stable than I was. I have so many more strategies now than I used...

Sometimes, there is a reason that your memories are not coming the way you want them. Maybe your mind is still protecting you. Sometimes when we think we are ready to know, we are not. Maybe it really is more than one can handle that that time. I have been very frustrated with myself for not...