My "New" Therapist Is Leaving

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

My therapist told me last week that she is leaving her position. I was completely caught off guard. My trauma brain always tells me that everyone is going to leave me. And I have asked my therapist as recently as a month ago if she was planning on leaving. And, at least at that time, she wasn't. I think she knew the week before she told me that she was leaving. I am looking at doing admission paperwork for an inpatient trauma program and she was telling me the requirements. One was an established relationship with a therapist. She paused at it. And I was like, isn't that you? And she hesitated and then said yes. I wish she had told me then that she was leaving. It wouldn't have made things much better, but at least I wouldn't be feeling like she was keeping a secret from me. I know there were probably reasons she had for not telling me then.

When she told me last week, I completely didn't know what to say. Then, I got really angry which made me switch into a dissociative part. I got right up and walked out of her office, out of the building, and down the road. Thankfully, I didn't go far enough that they called the police. I just sat there. I came back into myself and was stuck. I didn't know if I could face going back or if I should make my way to my car and just drive away. In the end, I went back.

We talked a little before I switched again and kept telling her that everyone leaves us and that we are too evil for people to stay around us. Then, I started drawing pictures of an SI nature. Enough so that my therapist became concerned and I finally decided to give in to the feeling of being overwhelmed by so many things. We called crisis, which was a fiasco. I live in an area run by one organization for crisis and my therapist's office is in an area run by another organization. It's all one crisis line. The people who were answering the phone kept saying we needed to be connected with one of the two and then switched us back to the other. It went on for an hour! Some help that crisis line is! What if I hadn't been with my therapist and had been in a different area. I think I would have completely fallen apart and that would have been dangerous. I ended up going to the emergency department nearer to my house because I know the people there (for better or worse). Now I am staying in a crisis stablization unit (CSU), which is kind of like a place just to get a break from things. I now that CSU can mean different things in different areas.

I have therapy tomorrow. My first session since last week. I am really anxious about it. I don't know if I can ask the questions that I need to even though I have written them down. I am afraid of dissociating and running away again. I had a therapist for 9 years that I loved and then I transistioned to my current therapist whom it's been almost 2 years seeing her. I hate that I have to transition again. I know that transistion of therapist is a pretty common occurrence for some people. I know I was lucky to have had a great one for 9 years. I know that I have transitioned before so I can do it. I just hate that I have to. Anyone have any thoughts about changing therapists? Tips for still getting support in my last few sessions with my therapist rather than not talking because I know she's leaving? Anyone have an suggestions on important things to remember/look into when changing therapists? Even though I have been through it once before, I would really appreciate thoughts from others.

 

[Susan Jane]

My therapist told me last week that she is leaving her position. I was completely caught off guard. My trauma brain always tells me that everyone is going to leave me. And I have asked my therapist as recently as a month ago if she was planning on leaving. And, at least at that time, she wasn't. I think she knew the week before she told me that she was leaving. I am looking at doing admission paperwork for an inpatient trauma program and she was telling me the requirements. One was an established relationship with a therapist. She paused at it. And I was like, isn't that you? And she hesitated and then said yes. I wish she had told me then that she was leaving. It wouldn't have made things much better, but at least I wouldn't be feeling like she was keeping a secret from me. I know there were probably reasons she had for not telling me then.

When she told me last week, I completely didn't know what to say. Then, I got really angry which made me switch into a dissociative part. I got right up and walked out of her office, out of the building, and down the road. Thankfully, I didn't go far enough that they called the police. I just sat there. I came back into myself and was stuck. I didn't know if I could face going back or if I should make my way to my car and just drive away. In the end, I went back.

We talked a little before I switched again and kept telling her that everyone leaves us and that we are too evil for people to stay around us. Then, I started drawing pictures of an SI nature. Enough so that my therapist became concerned and I finally decided to give in to the feeling of being overwhelmed by so many things. We called crisis, which was a fiasco. I live in an area run by one organization for crisis and my therapist's office is in an area run by another organization. It's all one crisis line. The people who were answering the phone kept saying we needed to be connected with one of the two and then switched us back to the other. It went on for an hour! Some help that crisis line is! What if I hadn't been with my therapist and had been in a different area. I think I would have completely fallen apart and that would have been dangerous. I ended up going to the emergency department nearer to my house because I know the people there (for better or worse). Now I am staying in a crisis stablization unit (CSU), which is kind of like a place just to get a break from things. I now that CSU can mean different things in different areas.

I have therapy tomorrow. My first session since last week. I am really anxious about it. I don't know if I can ask the questions that I need to even though I have written them down. I am afraid of dissociating and running away again. I had a therapist for 9 years that I loved and then I transistioned to my current therapist whom it's been almost 2 years seeing her. I hate that I have to transition again. I know that transistion of therapist is a pretty common occurrence for some people. I know I was lucky to have had a great one for 9 years. I know that I have transitioned before so I can do it. I just hate that I have to. Anyone have any thoughts about changing therapists? Tips for still getting support in my last few sessions with my therapist rather than not talking because I know she's leaving? Anyone have an suggestions on important things to remember/look into when changing therapists? Even though I have been through it once before, I would really appreciate thoughts from others.

I can relate to this. I think any form of change to a running system is overwhelming for me. I am in the middle of my own readjustment. I just wanted to give you a line of support.

 

[Movingforward10]

Massive respect for going back, and then phoning crisis, and then going into the place you are now. All of that shows bucket loads of self care and self awareness.
And I'm also struck at how carefully and compassionately you're thinking about this new transition to a new therapist.

I don't know answers to your question as not been in that situation. (On my first therapist still). But just wanted to comment on how impressive your self care is.

 

[Midnightmoon]

I'm really sorry, it's incredibly difficult trying to trust and build relationships with Ts. Does this mean that you're place on the programme will be postponed? Really hope there is a way for that to still be an option because sounds a really good opportunity.

Tips for still getting support in my last few sessions with my therapist rather than not talking because I know she's leaving? Anyone have an suggestions on important things to remember/look into when changing therapists?

Practically. When my T left ( well, told me I wasn't welcome anymore but that's a whole other messy story) after 2.5 years I was very very low and risky. I didn't get the chance to get any closure but if I had done, the stuff I'd of really wanted to cover is how to make sure my support and care continued, and to know what I'd done that was so awful for her to tell me to go. (Not saying this is relevant to you at all, my T was continuing to practice, just not with me, which is why the guilt was so strong). Like movingforward says, it's lovely to read that you are looking at this so carefully, without shame or judgement.

Do you want to work on closure with them? Reflect on the work achieved. Theres a nice thread here on long term closure but alot of it is very relevant even if the relationship hasn't been as long

Any resources/tips about ending long term therapy?

Sep 5, 2024

Does anyone have any book (or any other resource eg video/article) recommendations for ending long term therapy? Particularly from a client's perspective but also potentially from a therapist's perspective too. I have been searching on the internet but am just getting really overwhelmed.

In my case, the ending will be my idea and not because there's been a rupture or something. I've been in therapy with my one and only therapist for 10 years and just feel like I'm in a place where I am coasting in sessions now, not getting into anything major, and I think I'm putting off the inevitable...

• barefoot
• Comments: 60
• Topic: Treatment & Therapy

• 

I realised pretty quick that I had nil other support, something that I've really worked hard on since. Trying to get different streams of support going on and different services is so so valuable. I guess if the programme can still happen this will really really help with supporting with the transition, if not, is there anything local to you to add in as another support option maybe?

And, I guess most importantly for me has been talking about it. When you find that next person, talk, because it reactivates the attachment stuff when a T leaves and gosh that gets messy in your head. I didn't have a T for about a year afterwards, but I did have another professional who I was absolutely adamant I wasn't going to talked about it too. Too shameful, too painful, too awful. Eventually I did, and still do, because that mess is deep. I still struggle to accept that's the work I need to be doing at the minute, but it does help bit by bit

 

[deno]

I’m really sorry you're facing this unexpected goodbye. I know it is hard. You might feel overwhelmed and hurt but I also see someone who went back, reached out, and is trying to make sense of the moment instead of shutting down completely. That matters.

When one of my therapists left, I remember thinking, “I can't do this again.” But I did. Looking back, I realize that I ended up benefiting from having more than one therapist. Each brought different insights and helped peel back different layers. Still, transitions are painful.

Something that helped me was treating those last few sessions like a bridge. Even if I didn’t feel like talking, I wrote down questions or statements ahead of time. Sometimes, just handing them over helped me stay present.

You deserve space to grieve this ending and to feel supported into whatever’s next. If you feel safe doing so, let your therapist know how this has impacted you. Even if it doesn’t change the outcome, it might offer closure.

 

[arfie]

Anyone have any thoughts about changing therapists?

i have waaaaay too many thoughts to be constructive. i often wonder if the spirits are conspiring against me on the therapist score. i have had more therapists than big pharma has pills. instability, both mine and the industry's, has been the number one reason for changing. in my most stable clinical experience at the veteran's administration, the staff kept handing me off to get a better handle on my attachment/transference disorders. i kept developing unhealthy attachments to my therapists. each time they handed me off, we worked on understanding social cues, boundaries, etc.

my current thoughts center on "luck of the draw." however much i research my candidates, the chemistry which allows for healing progress is a roll of the dice. ya doesn't get to know till ya give it a whirl and see how it twirls.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Massive respect for going back, and then phoning crisis, and then going into the place you are now. All of that shows bucket loads of self care and self awareness.
And I'm also struck at how carefully and compassionately you're thinking about this new transition to a new therapist.

I don't know answers to your question as not been in that situation. (On my first therapist still). But just wanted to comment on how impressive your self care is.

Thank you for that. I really did not want to return to that building. Reaching out to crisis is very hard, but it is worth it in the end.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Practically. When my T left ( well, told me I wasn't welcome anymore but that's a whole other messy story) after 2.5 years I was very very low and risky. I didn't get the chance to get any closure but if I had done, the stuff I'd of really wanted to cover is how to make sure my support and care continued, and to know what I'd done that was so awful for her to tell me to go. (Not saying this is relevant to you at all, my T was continuing to practice, just not with me, which is why the guilt was so strong). Like movingforward says, it's lovely to read that you are looking at this so carefully, without shame or judgement.

I'm very sorry that you had that experience with your therapist. I had a similar experience with a psychiatrist. It is really hard to not understand what went wrong. I ended just being okay with it as in it obviously wasn't a therapeutic relationship and now am happy witg my current psychiatrist.

As for my therapist, she and the team (whoever they are) have chosen a new therapist for me and I meet her next week. I have a lot of anxiety about that. I feel almost as if the last two sessions aren't worth going to since it's hard to talk about anything knowing she won't be there after those 2 sessions. I'll try to make the most of them and like you mentioned, have closure.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

When one of my therapists left, I remember thinking, “I can't do this again.” But I did. Looking back, I realize that I ended up benefiting from having more than one therapist. Each brought different insights and helped peel back different layers. Still, transitions are painful.

I like that thought about each bringing different insights. I did find that with this therapist from my first. I hope the same will be true with my new one. These last sessions can be like a bridge, that's a good thought. I did talk to her about how I was feeling a little last week and about feeling lied to. It was a beneficial conversation.

i have waaaaay too many thoughts to be constructive. i often wonder if the spirits are conspiring against me on the therapist score. i have had more therapists than big pharma has pills. instability, both mine and the industry's, has been the number one reason for changing. in my most stable clinical experience at the veteran's administration, the staff kept handing me off to get a better handle on my attachment/transference disorders.

It must be super hard to transition therapists so much. Praise to you for continuing to go and work on things. I'm not sure I could.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Midnightmoon , I forgot to answer. It does not delay my entry into the inpatient program. My therapist and I filled out the paperwork this week. That way I can get on the wait list. She spoke with the admissions coordinator and explained the situation. When I get towards the top of the wait list, they will reach out to my new therapist for any updates.

 

[arfie]

It must be super hard to transition therapists so much.

not so much in my strictly personal case. my birth family moved an average of every six months during my childhood. perhaps we could call the transitioning therapists, "a hair of the dog that bit me." growing up, too much stability was called, "entrapment." i believe diverse perspectives were needed to make sense of the chaos i was raised in. "fear of entrapment" is one of my official dx'es.