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Any resources/tips about ending long term therapy?

barefoot

MyPTSD Pro
Does anyone have any book (or any other resource eg video/article) recommendations for ending long term therapy? Particularly from a client's perspective but also potentially from a therapist's perspective too. I have been searching on the internet but am just getting really overwhelmed.

In my case, the ending will be my idea and not because there's been a rupture or something. I've been in therapy with my one and only therapist for 10 years and just feel like I'm in a place where I am coasting in sessions now, not getting into anything major, and I think I'm putting off the inevitable (ending therapy) because I'm very attached to my T and the thought of saying goodbye is painful. In terms of my mental health, I'm in a really ok place - it's not that I'm worried that I won't be able to cope without therapy.

I haven't yet mentioned to my T that I am thinking of wrapping up. In fact, I don't know whether I want to end now or whether to do something like shift to monthly sessions (or whether that's just another example of avoiding the inevitable ending!)

So, anything that covers anything about:
- How to bring it up and start the conversation about ending with T in the first place.
- Navigating painful attachment feelings in the ending process (I know I'm not going to be able to avoid that it feels sad saying goodbye to her after 10 years)
- What a good ending could look like (I'm aware that it won't necessarily look the same for everyone)

Any resources - or even just any thoughts or tips from anyone here - would be much appreciated. Especially as I plan ahead for my next session with my T where I hope to bring something around this up with her.
 
I was searching the internet too. And I struggled to find something helpful. I did find one thing though, and I'll look for it again as I can't remember now. It was more in-depth about the whole process.

You know I've just ended with mine. And actually me and T prob spoke about it for a year or so. We kept making an ending plan and then I would back out of it because of one reason or another.
It's a long process to end, I think.

And what I wish I spent a bit more time on was: what happens after the ending.

I'll try and find that thing I found that was helpful me.
 
Thanks @Movingforward10

I’ve found quite a lot of videos aimed at therapists around terminating with clients but struggling to find much else at the mo. Would be very grateful if you are able to dig out the resource that helped you, but no worries if you can’t now find it.

Truthfully, I’d find it much easier to ghost my T. Just drift away without a clear ending or explicit goodbye. And I’ve told her that before. I think a lot of her and she’s been important to me so I want to respect that/her and not just disappear on her. But the temptation is really strong!

I thought your posts elsewhere about your last sessions with your T were beautiful and moving. But I don’t know that I’d be able to bear something similar. I think it would feel really excruciating and that I wouldn’t be able to let any kind words from her in. So, I think I’m also worried that I won’t even be able to do the ‘good ending’!
 
Also - you didn’t keep ‘backing out’ of the plan. You had a lot going on. Your dad especially. So, it definitely wasn’t ’backing out.’ Just saying… 😉

In terms of wishing you’d spent more time on what happens next, after therapy - do you mean who else you were going to look to for support, or how you were going to support/distract yourself when missing her or…?
 

I found this ^^ when I was looking for the article that helped me.

Would be very grateful if you are able to dig out the resource that helped you, but no worries if you can’t now find it.
I will keep looking! I can't find it at the moment. But will continue to look.
Truthfully, I’d find it much easier to ghost my T. Just drift away without a clear ending or explicit goodbye.
I understand. My T said lots of clients actually do that as it's too painful.
I thought your posts elsewhere about your last sessions with your T were beautiful and moving. But I don’t know that I’d be able to bear something similar. I think it would feel really excruciating and that I wouldn’t be able to let any kind words from her in. So, I think I’m also worried that I won’t even be able to do the ‘good ending’!
Thank you. I think it was beautiful too. Clumsy, awkward, shy, vulnerable, but beautiful.
I would get overwhelmed by her kind words. And then we would speak about that. And that's why I asked her to email me something, before the last session. So that I could work through the overwhelm and have it to mull over. And then talk about it. That really helped. I re read her email a lot at the moment. Comforting.
Also - you didn’t keep ‘backing out’ of the plan.
Ha! I know when my Dad died that was a ligit "still need therapy". But there were lots of times before where we made a plan about reducing and then it didn't happen. But that was the process I needed. We did speak about ending sooo much. Exploring it from many angles.
In terms of wishing you’d spent more time on what happens next, after therapy - do you mean who else you were going to look to for support, or how you were going to support/distract yourself when missing her or…?
It's the missing her. It's the time building from last seeing her. It's the future without her which feels long, big, overwhelming. So I have to keep reminding myself: I've got the skills to manage, I can always go back if I can't manage, I can always have a check in if I need it, and that I can hold the gift of her care/love (and that calms me a lot).
But I suppose this next bit is without T. And it's only been 15 days. So this will get easier.
But I think I would maybe have needed to talk about it a bit more.
It reminds me of when T and I spoke about making the decision to put our previous cat down. T said there was making the decision at the right time for Maya. And then there was what came after making that decision.
And I feel I didn't attend to "what came after" too much in this ending with T as I was focused on the ending itself.
If that makes sense?
 
Do you have tumblr?

There's a beautiful blog on there with a lady who ended a 10 year therapy with her T over (I think) 20 sessions. They blogged each one and used a PowerPoint thing to focus questions and reflect. It's pretty gorgeous a read and gives an idea maybe of some of the questions that might help to think about. Anyway, if you Google 'faithhopeloveandtherpay' and then filter #termination all the ending sessions come up.
 
My only/best would be ancient. A few thousand years old of “how” to stand up… and remain yourself.

Useful damn, things, the ancients. But only if that’s your path forward.
 
Do you have tumblr?

There's a beautiful blog on there with a lady who ended a 10 year therapy with her T over (I think) 20 sessions. They blogged each one and used a PowerPoint thing to focus questions and reflect. It's pretty gorgeous a read and gives an idea maybe of some of the questions that might help to think about. Anyway, if you Google 'faithhopeloveandtherpay' and then filter #termination all the ending sessions come up.
Thanks @Midnightmoon - I joined tumblr today purely to read the blog you suggested. It was a powerful and relatable read. I captured some bits and pieces from it, Made me think that I need a shorter ending than she went for! I don’t think I could take a drawn out, year-long goodbye. So, that in itself has been very useful.
 
Sorry @Friday. Not sure what you mean?
The ancient Greeks and Romans wrote extensively on the loss (or profound alteration) of friends, counsel, patrons, & love. Often all revolving around a single person, although singularly as well, and how unbalancing that can be, and problems naturally resulting. Which is also? The role of a damn good therapist, when it’s time to move on. Whether they fullfill a singular role, or encompass all of them.

One of the more useful things in my own life was reading those writings… if only for the different phrasing, which hit… differently. Allowed me to think differently. Than with modern euphemism, metaphor, etc.

But? “Let’s get eyelashes deep in the classics, and see how people thousands of years dead did things!”??? Isn’t for everyone.
 
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